The real world scares me

I really should get a job this summer. I don't want to mooch off my parents anymore. I'm afraid. I don't have much experience at all. My resume stinks. I'm afraid. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of making cold calls. I'm afraid of job interviews. I'm afraid of new things. I'm afraid I'll be incompetent. I wouldn't even want to hire me.

I need to get employable. Any ideas on how I can do this? I need to build up my resume. Any ideas? What should I do? What do I need to do? I'm so late in starting...it's not funny.

Greenleaves, the loser...

Hi Greenleaves,

I don't know you, but I know what you're going through. I'm in the same situation.

To build up my resume, I've done a heckuva lot of volunteering. Unfortunately, thats all my resume is, is volunteer experience. If you can find a place to volunteer that can give you experience in whatever you're looking for in a job, its the best idea I can give you.

Its scary to find a job. I've applied for two in my life (both part-time) and been rejected from both. Thats why I like to volunteer. Places that need volunteers cannot and will not turn away those who are willing to help. No pressure, no "real" obligations or expectations.

Good luck with the job hunt (I'm rooting for you, and its NOT to late to find a summer job!!)

~Christina

I feel like I'm going to be stuck at home with my parents forever...

I'm never going to make it out in the real world. I don't have anything. I don't have any of my own money. I don't have any skills...especially people skills. I can't do anything. I'm such a loser.



What am I going to do? I'm such a loser I can't even get a degree in 5 years. I still have 3 more classes to do after this semester because I dropped so many classes. I wasted a LOT of money by dropping so many classes.

I'm terribly behind in one of my classes and I've decided to drop that too.

I'm doing poorly on two classes right now because I've been skipping classes...in fact, I skipped a midterm...

I don't know what to do.

On Tues I have 2 tests. I'm not worried about the environmental science class because so far I have about a high 80 average in that class. I"m really worried about my animal physiology midterm on Tues. I'm not ready at ALL. I'm going to fail it, I just know it. I've skipped too many classes and I haven't done the homework...

I'm so screwed. I've been pretending that things have been going alright. I've been lying to everyone, including to my pdoc2 about how I'd been doing in school.

Last semester, I actually dropped all my classes. I was too behind. I lied to everyone, even people on the boards here and at another place...I lied and said that I dropped two classes, when I really dropped all of them. I lied to my parents...everyone, even myself.

I took the bus and wandered aimlessly, pretending to go to class...I'm really messed up.

I don't have enough credits to graduate yet. It's going to take me 6 freaking years just to get my Bachelors of Science...and it won't even be a good degree...being only a general science degree.

I also don't have much lab experience...I'm so screwed. I feel like I should give up on life. I'm just really scared of the world. I think I've been sabotaging myself.

I did really well in high school, got a scholarship and everything...only to be kicked out of the program I had selected...that is why I'm in general science now. I'm just lucky I'm not on probation for poor grades. Somehow I've been able to keep my grades above the minimum

I'm so screwed. I'm scared and desperate. I don't know what to do. I think I've screwed up my life big time.

I'll never get a job, I'll never make anything of myself at this rate.

I'm scared of life.

I don't know where you live but here in Arkansas there is a place for people with disabliites that they help get the job skills to be able to get a job. You might see if your state has something like that.

Jbug

BTW YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!

It took a lot for me to write the above post...to be honest to myself and to others here. I hope people realize that.

There is one good thing I've done...or actually, not done. Last semester I missed all my midterms and threatened to take an OD to get doctors notes for missing them. I got the notes, but I was too behind and guilty about what I did. I ended up dropping everything.

At least this semester I didn't threaten to OD...I think I"m getting a little better.

In winter 2005 I did actually OD to miss my midterms. I ended up in hospital.

I don't know what is wrong with me...why I keep sabotaging myself...by skipping classes and missing midterms.

I'm scared. I have to do well. I get desperate you know. To be honest I still don't feel too safe. I start feeling desperate about my midterms. I starting thinking of harming myself to get out of them. It's a really stupid thing to do I know, but I just get desperate.

I really don't know what I'm going to do about my animal physiology midterm on Tues.

Please help me. Please. This is my life...this is me...really me...not a grab for attention, not hysterics...this is a real life problem of mine and I"m having trouble coping.

What am I going to do about the midterm I skipped? What am I going to do on Tues?

I don't know what to do. I don't know. What to do? I'm scared.

I've ruined my life. I don't know what to do. I'm going to fail my animal physiology class, I just know it. I've skipped a lot of classes.

The only class I'm doing well in is environmental science. Somehow I haven't skipped any of my classes for that class. I'm getting a high 80, maybe 90% in that class right now and I can see myself getting a higher grade.

But the other two classes...what am I going to do? I skipped a freaking midterm! How insane is that? I couldn't face it and so I skipped it. I don't deal well with things at all.

I don't know what to do about Tues...I'm not ready. It's a difficult course. I haven't kept up. I don't think I"ll be ready by Tues. I'm too stressed. I didn't study at all today.

I just don't know what to do right now. I'm scared.

For those who are worried about me ODing again, you don't have to worry about that.

I've decided that no matter what, I will never OD again...it's never worth it.

I will fail rather than OD. I realize now how horrible ODs are. I don't want to go to the hospital again. I cannot go through life avoiding things by ODing or ODing when things get tough.

Hi again

You're not a loser.

You haven't screwed up your life.

Its just the current situation you find yourself in is less than favourable and then a few things happen, and you're at the point where you are now.

I'm in my second year of university, with second year standing as of the end of last semester. (I was in a special program that allowed me into university, even with really poor grades in secondary school).

I've dropped a total of 3 classes this year. I only took 3 credits TOTAL all of last year.

(No, I am not trying to compare myself to you, I'm actually getting to a point. Sorry, I tend to ramble!)

I've lied to people about how I've been doing. My family and friends don't know that last semester I got two D's and a C- and C. Hopefully, they'll never find out. I might wind up on Academic Warning at the end of this year because of it. (Meaning that my current Honours Degree (BA) would be bumped down to a General BA.

(And this is where I whine and complain. You're in a Science degree, I'm in an Arts degree - Psychology actually... its easier to find a job with a Science degree than with mine. And it makes you smart and ambitious as well. I don't know of many people who'd choose to go into a Science degree, since I've heard that it can be quite difficult)

So its taken you a few years to finish a degree. THAT IS OKAY. 99.9% of people don't finish in the 3 years minimum for a General BA or in the 4 years for a BA Honours. This allows you time to become acclimatized to the idea of being in the "real world" (Which we all unfortunately must face at one time or another, which REALLY scares the crap out of me. I really hate university but I'm terrified of being out in the real world in a career).

I'd talk to anyone about your grades. (At my university they're people called Academic Advisors) You may have not taken the best course of action academically by skipping classes, falling behind and dropping courses, but I'm sure things can be changed for the positive.

(I'm actually going to be going to an Academic Advisor as soon as I get up the nerve. Its an anxiety-provoking idea of mine, but I really want to ensure that the university won't kick me out just because I've screwed up a few times)

YOU WILL GET A JOB. You've ALREADY made something of yourself by being accepted into university, and striving towards a goal of obtaining a degree.

And as I said before, LIFE IS SCARY. The unknown is scary. BUT YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.

*hug*

(Sorry if I sound rude or anything. I can sometimes offer more advice than is wanted. If I did this, I apologize)

~Christina

You ask a lot of questions here, and I wonder if you know the answers already? I'm betting that you do. Let's take them one at a time:

1.) Why do you do things like skipping midterms and classes, and withdrawing from classes you aren't doing well in? What do you think is going on there?

2.) What are you going to do about Tuesday? Seems to me you have a limited range of options, but you do have some. What do you think those options are?

3.) Why are you hiding these problems from other people? What does that get you? What is behind that pattern?

4.) What are you going to do about that midterm you skipped? This one is easy, GL, and I think you can already answer it.

5.) How will you ever be able to get a job? Tell me some ways you think you can do that? Tell me something you think would help you gain skills? What are some ways that you can learn marketable skills?

I'm too tired right now to go through all of these, but how about you start here and tell me what you think you can do. Tell me what I would recommend you do about that skipped midterm first, because that one is easy. And then start seeing how many of the other questions I've put up there you can answer on your own.

I really think that you can answer most of them, already, and that you're too frightened to trust your own judgement. I think you're looking not for advice, so much as validation and a bit of galvanizing. So, get started, kiddo -- number two pencil...

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Greenleaves said:
What am I going to do about the midterm I skipped? What am I going to do on Tues?

I don't know what to do. I don't know. What to do? I'm scared.

I've ruined my life. I don't know what to do. I'm going to fail my animal physiology class, I just know it. I've skipped a lot of classes.

The only class I'm doing well in is environmental science. Somehow I haven't skipped any of my classes for that class. I'm getting a high 80, maybe 90% in that class right now and I can see myself getting a higher grade.

But the other two classes...what am I going to do? I skipped a freaking midterm! How insane is that? I couldn't face it and so I skipped it. I don't deal well with things at all.

I don't know what to do about Tues...I'm not ready. It's a difficult course. I haven't kept up. I don't think I"ll be ready by Tues. I'm too stressed. I didn't study at all today.

I just don't know what to do right now. I'm scared.

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I don't know what you can do about the midterm you skipped. Maybe you can talk to your professor or TA about taking it? Perhaps you can talk to your doctor, get some sort of medical deferral scheduled? May work, may not.

About your animal physiology class, any particular reason why you skipped so many classes? Know anyone in the class you can get notes from? Other than that, try very hard to not go into the exam with the mindset that you're going to fail. Positive thoughts may not always work, but at least they calm the thoughts running through your mind and allow you to focus more on the task at hand (the exam).

I'm really glad that you're doing so well in your environmental science class. Pat yourself on the back, thats a REALLY nice grade. Is there any one factor about the class that you think added to why you've succeeded so far in that course? Perhaps something you can look for in other courses or apply to the other current ones that you're taking?

*hug*

Exams are scary. And its not fair that stress causes the problem to get worse. (And no, stress isn't your fault. It happens to all university students in varying degrees. Both of us just seem to feel it more).

*hug*

Thank-you so much for your reply canders...it made me realize that I'm very lucky...

I'm lucky that I even get to go to university. I'm lucky that my parents are so supportive of me.

I just get so fed up sometimes. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I just can't believe how low I've gotten. Going from getting a scholarship....incentive to go to university...to being kicked out of my program for failing a course twice (both times because I skipped the exam... )

I just hope your are right and that things will be OK. I get scared...really scared of the real world and some part of me thinks I may be prolonging university on purpose...because I'm not ready for the real world yet.

I seriously don't know what happened to me from the end of high school to now.

I don't know of a single person who got an entrance scholarship at the beginning of their university degree that was able to maintain it.

For all I know, the universities deliberately go out of their way to ensure that we all experience a hard time from day one. Preparing us for the big wide world and all its hardships.

Why is it that you skip exams? If you can figure out your motivation for doing it, I'm sure you can find a way to change whatevers been keeping you from going to them.

I'm not ready for the real world yet either. Probably why I've dropped the classes I have up until my point. Because like you, I am terrified of the real world. Its so nice and cozy being in an almost isolated environment that university (and school in general) provides.

As for this comment, I seriously don't know what happened to me from the end of high school to now. , lifes happened. You've changed. Developped. Happens to all of us, and you can and will change throughout your university degree until you make it into the real world (and even then as well!)

You're very welcome. Hope things work out for you!!

~Christina

Genevieve, facing those questions is very scary to me...but I realize now that they are something I must face.

1.) Why do I do things like skip midterms and classes and withdraw from classes I'm doing doing well in...

I think I do those things because I'm afraid of failure...and paradoxically I find it better to fail and not try than to try and not do well. I think that may have roots in perfectionism. It's either do really well, or do nothing at all. Whenever something is challenging, I get scared of not doing well...so I would rather not try at all...

2. What am I going to do about Tuesday?
Reason and logic tell me to study...study really hard. Desperation tells me to try to get out of it by getting a doctor's note...but I know that will only delay the inevitable and be counterproductive. Either way I have to study and do the work to pass the course. I may as well study now.

3.) Why am I hiding these problems?

To a large extent I'm hiding my problems from myself as well. I simply choose not to face my problems...I avoid things. I'm also terribly ashamed of how little I've accomplished and of how I can't seem to get myself to achieve anything. The shame is horrendous. I can't even face the boards... I can't even face my pdocs...

4.) What am I going to do about that missed midterm?
Reason and logic tell me to tell my professor pronto about the difficulties I've been having and hopefully she can make some alternate arrangements for me. If not, at least I gave it a shot. I could also go to my pdoc and maybe have her write me a note that may or may not help me out. At this point trying anything is better than not trying at all.

5.) How will I ever be able to get a job?
I'm going to have to start somewhere...I should volunteer a bit, spiff up my resume a bit with volunteering maybe. Get out there, network, make cold calls...get career counselling. All these things, I know I need to do...doing them is another matter entirely.

Thank-you Genevieve for your questions, they really focused my thoughts. I really appreciate your thoughts on this.

You get an A on this one, GL. Good on ya, you done good.

OK, so on Monday, or Tuesday, or whenever, you go into that professor's office and tell her that you've been having trouble, and that you missed the exam. You don't need to tell her your life story to get through this, just that you've had some troubles and missed the exam. Tell you that you don't want to withdraw, and will she help you arrange to make up the exam? And then you go along with ANYTHING she offers you. Don't try to get a better time, or an easier exam. You ask her to help you make it up, and then you take the test. Even if you don't do well, it actually is better, and you can always withdraw from the class if that's what you choose to do, after taking the exam.

Studying for the animal physio exam? No, you don't get nuts and try to do a term's worth of studying in the next three days. That's the black and white thinking associated with Borderline Personality Disorder. Here's a good opportunity for you to learn about those shades of grey. You sit down and study -- sensibly. You put in a couple of hours, how ever many you would have put in if you were all up to date in your studying. And then you take the exam on Tuesday. If it's terrible, you can deal with that later.

Jobs? That's something that you don't have to think about until May. So, don't think about it.

If you must think about it, think about doing ONE of the things you've mentioned, and I'd say volunteer for one shift a week somewhere. What are your interests? What do you enjoy? What sort of science are you interested in? Maybe you could get a volunteer slot as a docent in a science museum, or something like that. (Or an usher at the opera -- wait, that's my fantasy, getting to go to all the operas....) But mostly, don't think about this stuff until May.

Right now, you know -- and you know that you know this -- that you can only address one of these issues at a time. Whether you get a summer job this year matters much less than passing your classes, so which are you going to put energy into? I'll give you a hint: you'll really regret screwing around on passing these classes.

Lastly, I think you're dead on about being too afraid to try, and that being part of perfectionism. That's what it sounds like to me, too.

So, here's your next assignments:

1. Go study.

2. What is it you think will happen if you try and don't do well? What will happen if you find out that you're not perfect? What would happen if other people found out that you weren't perfect? (hint: the earth will not fly off its axis.) What does being perfect mean to you?

The next one, which you're not ready for yet, is to accept that you're not perfect, and try anyway.

I'm betting you were singled out a bit when you were younger, as being smart? That can do it, you know. Kids who are singled out for being special, whether it's smart or pretty or just being loved by their parents, those kids don't have the great self-esteem people seem to think they should. They tend to be much more insecure...

Good luck, and go study.

whoa - this is a really good thread. I'm short on time this morning but will read it more carefully later. You received some excellent responses, GL, and yes - you were very brave to be so honest like this. I'll get back to you on this. Good job!