Self-evaluation and current life situations.

Hello, I am new to these forums and have decided to give a rather brief description of my current life and perhaps ask for some help, if you would be so kind.

My name is Samuel, I am 16 years old, and am fairly intelligent. Recent events have rendered me with paralyzing fear, such as me revelation to the school about my father's drug use. I have self-damaged myself in the past and my mind is constantly clouded with fears of my recent future, since my far future is more or less set in stone. I came asking guidance. My world is currently one huge confusing mess.

I have no mother, she abandoned me, so that's out. My father has fled in fear of punishment from the law (I believe). The school does not know this. I am, since last night, living in a house by myself. I'll be honest, I am afraid. The only thing that is keeping me alive at this point is my friends and the hope for my future. Were it not for those things, I would have ended it a long time ago.

I am extremely socially awkward and paranoid as to what people think about me. Even my closest friends, I have problems believing that they love me the way they do. I believe that most of this was caused by my father and that I was extreme dependence issues and project him onto every body. However, I can go into my father's other problems another post.

I actually aspire to go into the field of psychology/psychiatry (Irony, huh?) and am resolved to have all my issues sorted out before then. Hopefully, this site and community can help with that.

I thank you for reading that wall of text, and, if you are still here, welcome your encouragement, advice, constructive criticism and support. I do, however, ask that if you have anything hurtful, offensive, or otherwise mean to say, please refrain from placing your fingers onto your keyboard, as clearly that is not what anybody in this forum needs.

Thank You

~ Samuel Cross-Meredith

Samuel,

You're a brave young man for bringing this up here. And as a parent I'm greatly concerned for your safety.

Right now you're not in a safe position. If your father has fled as you believe, it could be considered abandonment depending upon where you live. Even if he does come back he may hurt you for revealing his drug use.

If you can, please contact a guidance counselor at school or call the authorities. They can help you get to a place where you'll be safe. They can also assist in getting you therapy to help with your emotional issues. Don't worry; a lot of therapists go through therapy themselves to keep themselves balanced.

Do you have other relatives, or can your friend's parents help you out until then? I'm sure you can take care of yourself for the time being but you could use a lot of real life support.

Keep coming back and keep posting if you can. I care about what happens to you.

I'm also concern for your safety. Do you think your dad is going to come back? You shouldn't be left on your own. You are too young to fend for yourself. Does anyone know that your dad took off?

Do you have a relative that you could go stay with until this gets cleared up on where you are to live?

It is imperative that you immediately contact the authorities to let them know what is going on. If you don't want to do that first, you need to call a friend and ask to speak with their parents. Explain what's going on and ask if they'll come pick you up so you don't have to be in the house alone while deciding what to do about your father's decision to abandon his child. I know that many abandoned and abused young adults are afraid to do contact police and social services because they fear they'll wind up in a foster home, but that really isn't going to happen overnight entirely against your will. What will happen immediately is that every effort will be made to preserve your safety and keep your life running smoothly.

I thank you all for your concern and support.

As it where, my father came back home around 5:15 and thus began one of the most stressful and frightening times of my life. I was speaking to one of my closest friends (Lives in Minnesota, not much help, save for emotional support, which she accomplishes with admirable gusto.) She had to get off the phone earlier, told me she would call me back and she did. Around the time my father got home.

Now, let me be perfectly clear, I do not think he knew I was home. I turned off all lights in my room (We live in a mobile home, to clear things up a bit) and all electronic devices, save for my iPod which I was using for support. I waited around an hour or two for him to go into his room, close the door, and for the heater to come on, to give me proper sound cover. Once all of these situations fell into place, I began my escape. I grabbed all of the things I needed for school, and the house phone (My father took my cell a long time ago) and went to the backyard, where I could not be overheard. When back there, I contacted my friend who was beyond worried for my well being, and eventually my director ( I am very active in the theatre company at my school) The director was able to give me the number of another close friend (all my numbers are saved in my cell, go figure.) And at his house is where I am staying now. I suspect that I will be no longer staying at my home.

Allow me to be very clear, I love my father. I really do. I want him to get some kind of help, considering he is a very sick man (Both mentally and physically) There are three things I am worried for right now.

1. I had talked to the principal at school and he more or less told me that there was nothing they could do for me. I take this with a grain of salt, however, considering he is notorious for being clueless.

2. If my father does go to rehab, and I go to a foster home, what happens to his possessions? He spent his life accumulating these things, so what happens to them?

3. How this will affect my mental and emotional state. I think this one speaks for itself, really.

If you could continue to advise me, mayhaps put my mind at ease, I would be most grateful.

Thanks~
Samuel Cross-Meredith

Post-Script~ As Fharraige and Bella01 brought it up, I feel it necessary to say that I have no other family. My mother doesn't care, and the rest of the Meredith clan is either dead, doesn't care, or not fit to be raising a young adult with as many issues as my own.

Thanks~
Samuel Cross-Meredith

How about going to the police???? They would be able to help you....

I want to offer my sympathy and what emotional support I can from this distance. I grew up in a chaotic household with no one to turn to (in an era where people looked the other way and there were no hotlines). The last thing you need to be worrying about his your father's possessions. And the last thing you should be doing is making it easy in any way shape or form for your father to continue his addictions and erratic behavior. Such enabling will not solve your father's problems or yours. I made that mistake and am still paying for it emotionally. I hope one of the adults at your school will contact the authorities for you; you need a settled, safe place to live. I would encourage you too, to plan your own future; if you want to go to college, etc., tell your guidance counselor early and emphasize that because you have no family support you will need to take advantage of the programs out there to aid you in attaining your goals. Many great people come from hard backgrounds. Courage!

Hello again.

Seeing as this forum has covinced me that they are genuinely concerned for my well-being, I will be using this thread to post updates of my situation, as it is a volatile one that alot of uncertainty revolves around.

I am at school as I write this, and am expecting to be called in at some point. There is not a doubt in my mind that I will, actually. Thank you for your support, as it is something I am in dear need of at this point in my life.

If you take issue with me using this as, more or less, a personal blog, than please tell me so in a courteous and kind manner, devoid of anger. I understand the issues with using a psychology board as a personal journal, but it seems that I am uncertain, and afraid enough to warrant such a thing.

Thanks~
Samuel Cross-Meredith

Thank you, Samuel, for keeping us posted on your situation.

Dear Samuel,

After reading your savvy way of expressing yourself, I
am sure no matter what life throws at you, you will handle with grace.

contact me any time.

_S_

Well.

I informed the school and they more or less said they couldn't help me. They told me they contacted CPS and they wouldn't do anything. As it stands, I have to go back to my house, back to my father, and back to things being the way they where, it seems.

Needless to say, this was a mssive blow to me. I am now certain that I get to watch my father waste away under the influrences of his vices and my mental health goes untreated, the school pretty much saying to me that "That's in the home" And "If he want's to do that, that's his choice." Never before in my life have I felt more hopeless or more afraid. I have no idea what to do now, and I don't want to call the police because he might go to prison.

I wish my father would get help, but it looks like he's denying any of the drugs he does, and is persistant to watch his life waste away under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

I'm really lost now.

I'm going back this afternoon, having the school, and my father, guilt me into it by saying, respectively, "He's the only father you've got." and "Don't you think you've been enough of a nuisance?" I am only saying this because I need help. Both mine and his mental states are destroyed, and I have no idea what to do. If I have to wait until I'm old enough to leave, I suppose I can, but frankly, I'm not looking foward to the next two hellish years of my life with him that I have left.

Thank you~
Samuel Cross-meredith

Oh dear! That is awful that the school is not helping you! Could you stay with your close friend a while longer? Could your friend's parents help you find a way to get your needs across?

I know the idea of calling the police and possibly having your father go to prison is frightening. Yet, that might be the only thing that could actually save him. He would have the opportunity to get clean and sober there. Honestly, in my very humble opinion, you would be showing how much you love your dad if you can call the police and let the consequences fall where they may.

You deserve to live a safe and healthy life. And sometimes that means we can't continue to protect those we love from dealing with consequences.

If it has any significance to you at all - I am currently dealing with the knowledge that one of my sons might end up going to prison. We have invested years covering/protecting/spending $ to keep him from that consequence - but he hasn't changed and we now realize that time in prison could actually be what will save him.

Big Hugs to you. This isn't easy, especially at your age. Keep posting - we are here to support you.

As it is now, I got home yesterday and my father was extremely intoxicated. I did not feel safe in the slightest. Knowing that no one who cares about my well being would want me to be there, I walked the mile to my friend's house where I stayed last night and will probably stay tonight. I am gong to speak to my father tomorrow and try to work some things out with him.

I don't expect the man to actually listen to me, however, I have a place to go if needed, and will try to convince him to go to rehab. The issue now is money and his willingness. If anybody could give me links to progrrams that provide some sort of financial aid, or something along those line, I would be most appreciative.

I have been flitting from hapiness, worry, anger, and calmness all day. I am worried that this may just be the situation, or if it's signs of mania. I, unfortunately, have little way of figuring out whether or not it is neither, considering the issue of money.

I want to get across that I am not posting this for pity or something along those lines. I just want help, and advice, NOT attention, since I have been accused of that before. I appreciate all of your concern and support, and am happy that I came to these forums, considering I wasn't sure about posting here before.

Thank you~
Samuel Cross-Meredith.

Samuel,
Please don't worry that anyone might think you are looking for pity or attention. The goal of PC is to offer support and advice when requested.

So good to hear that you got out of an unsafe place last night and have the option to do so again if needed.

As far as programs and financial aid - do you have a United Way First Call for Help line where you live? They might be able to give you information. Also, you could try calling the AA chapter in your area - they can provide resources for rehab programs. You might also check into your state, county or city website to find out what financial help might be available. Oh, and also check with the counselor at school. They might know of low-cost/no-cost counseling groups for teens. I know they have those where I live.

I agree that you probably aren't in a position right now to determine whether you have mental health issues - money or not. Until you feel there is some calm in your life, the situation will mess with your brain and your moods.

We're here for you and we care about your welfare. Please keep checking in and we'll keep doing our best to provide assistance.

((((Courier-of-Life)))))
Don't worry about anyone at PC hurting you, the group of members here are so incredibly supportive, this is a wonderful support site. Don't worry about asking for advice and having this thread of conversation going, we are truely here to offer support and listen ok?

First I want to compliment you on your courtesy and you truely express that your intelligent in the way you express yourself, keep up with your education, that is truely your way out. And if you get to feeling low, remember the President himself was pretty much abandoned by his parents and his father had issues as well. So think about the fact that you can still accomplish much in your life despite what your parents lack. I think that you show that you truely WANT to take care of yourself and move forward in your life and you ARE reaching out, keep doing that.

Ok, so the school is not helping you. I think that you should find a local Ala-non group that meets somewhere near you. You can go to local churches as many of these meetings take place in churches. If you don't know what ala-non is, it is a support group of people who struggle with a parent or family member that are alcoholics/drug addicts. It is a good place to start as there may be someone you can connect with that can truely offer some ideas in how you can perhaps find better ways to help yourself.

If you can find a local group that meets somewhere, go, and don't be shy, everyone there has a struggle with dealing with an addict of somekind so they all know how hard it is. If you get to know the members that are in these groups someone may very well have some more ideas and you can probably find someone who can give you rides to these meetings so you can get the support you need when it comes to finding a way to deal with your father.

Ofcourse you love your father, however your also smart enough to understand that he truely has a disease and you truely don't have the capacity to control him, or his disease and I am sure that you are aware that he is often incoherant because of his disease. I don't think that a talk with your father will make much of a difference in his actions, he has been doing this for so long and most likely this disease has simply overpowered his reasoning of the reality of his situation and yours as well.

I know Caretaker Leo is correct, and I also know she has tried and truely loves her son, wants to help him, be a good parent and it truely isn't easy for her to say what she said about the fact that most likely the only thing left is to let him suffer the consequences of jail to finally get help and learn that what he is doing is going to cost him. It is hard lesson to learn that alcoholics/addicts will lie, cheat and use anyone they can to cover for them while they remain addicts. And they DO take hostages and don't seem to care, addiction is that strong.

And as far as your father's possessions, well, often an alcoholic has to simply lose everything, hit bottom before they eventually realize they need help. Your not old enough to own that home and make a living to keep his stuff. You have to take care of YOU. No, it isn't easy to let go, but as Caretaker realizes herself, sometimes that is the only way.

So, try to find a local meeting and get yourself there and ask around and see if you can find other ways of getting help that the dummies at school don't seem to know.
And being with others that truely know what it is like to be around a family member with these issues will at the very least help you get much needed psychological support as well.

Let me know how you make out. I will keep you in my prayers.

Open Eyes

Hello.

I just got off the phone with my father and he denies everything, and blames me for all the things that have happened to him, and the worst thing is that he's convinced me. Or, at least some part of me believes him. I felt guilty considering that he has, more or less, taken care of me in part.

However

I still feel unsafe when I'm around him, as well as frightened. I will be going back in the morn as that is the most likely that he will be sober. He has said that he wants to put me up for adoption, and that maybe the only way out. I hope not, as I want the man to get well and don't want to watch him waste away under the influence of his sickness.

I am having such an outpour of emotion for all of you, including my friends who are doing well to help me through all of this nonsense. Thank you all ever so much.

Samuel Cross-Meredith

Courier-of-Life,

Just so you know, most alcoholics accuse others for THEIR problem and they can be very convincing, I know because my husband did that to me. Remember, I told you that talking to your father is a waste of your time, now you know that by his blaming you and your even considering something is your fault? Whoa, that is so wrong, please get help.

I truely recommend that you seek out a local alanon meeting where you can get support for this, others who know the constant games/lies that alcoholics/addicts use for control and to get their way which is to get drunk/high.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Well said Open Eyes!

Yes, alcoholics are very, very good at blaming everyone and everything else for their misery. They absolutely can't accept and believe that they are the ones causing their own troubles by the choices they are making. I, too started to believe that it was my fault for all of the troubles caused by an alcoholic in my life. Only after I started going to Al-Anon did I begin to understand that none of it was my fault.

Samuel - really think long and hard about going back tomorrow. Perhaps try talking to the family who you are staying with and asking for their advice.

We will continue to be here for you.

Hello again.

I went back and found out my father hates me. The only thing I am to him is a biological son and that is it. He does not love me and is striking me from his will.

However.

In this, there is a glimmer of hope and light. Within my life I have four people. They all love me to the point where they want to adopt me. Two of them may be able to and my father has expressed a desire to get rid of me.

I am not sad, oh no, I am ecstatic.

I am happy beyond words that I can get out and away from this man.

But, I need help. I need to start the process. If someone could help me find some forms, something, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you

~Cross Meredith