[vonnegutsedge]

I live my life based on fear. Fear of sleeping and not waking up. Fear of pain. Fear of dying. Fear of leaving my home (sometimes). Fear of almost anything that involves risk. I dont know how to live now that I live on fear. They are not my only problems but they are the ones I focus on the most. I dont know how to deal with it. I think about it all the time and dont know what to do.

I've been overwelmed with fear also in my past. I live in maine also. First, after going out into the world and experiencing the perspectives of people from other parts of the world, I learned that maine has a reputation as a very "serious" and socially conservative and somewhat oppressive place to live. Very little red schoolhouse and church on sunday and work, work and work somemore. People who decide to live otherwise, risk being shunned. I've been shunned and have had to work to cope with that productivly. Find some self-soothing stuff. Whatever works. Go for walks. chat with cashiers. read the newspaper. support groups. Sitting at home alone will, most likely not solve your problem. Being afraid and uncomfortable in maine, I believe, is normal and a sign of health. I have to be patient to find friendly people here. They are out there. I takes time to meet them. Good luck.

[bluestate]

Being afraid and uncomfortable in maine, I believe, is normal and a sign of health. I have to be patient to find friendly people here. They are out there. I takes time to meet them. Good luck.

I think that is true in many places. Especially where your thinking is different from that of the other people living in that area.

Are you religious? If you are, why in the world would you be afraid of death? Isn't that when your reward comes to you? If you have faith you will be rewarded.

I have dealt with fear all of my life. My earliest memories are of fear. It isn't easy to live with, especially if you don't have support. Do you have support? I didn't for most of my life.

What relaxes you? Have you tried meditation? It does work. Deep breathing. Fear makes us breath in a shallow manner which makes the fear worse. Concentrate on learning to breath slowly and with deep breaths. Get a book or DVD about meditation and try it out. Honest, it helps.

And keep in mind, others are going through similar feelings--you are never alone.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((vonnegutsedge))))

Hi and welcome to PC. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your fear. Fear is something that I can say stops me often from moving forward, being able to talk, and many other things. My life was built on fear and it underlies everything within me and around me. I fear a lot of the same things you do and it is something that is very present even in my present life today.

I am trying to work on that and to take it one step at a time, sometimes even minutes at a time, or seconds at a time if that is all I can do. I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago and while I was there they had me write letters to my perfectionism and low self-esteem. It really allow me to open up and look at what I felt about it and what it was doing for me and what I wanted it to do now. I am now going to write a letter to my fear and try to connect to what I really feel about it and how I feel about it and what it is doing for me.

I think that getting in touch with that part of myself that fear continues to hold so strong somehow I can then see where it is and what it is. Sometimes getting in touch with those feelings so that we can face it and allow ourselves to then be able to walk through it, it can allow us to see connections to other things and how it all connects into a vicious cycle that often we cannot even see while right in it. I am scared to write this letter but I think that just as facing the perfectionism and low self-esteem, and seeing how it connects, my hope is that I will see that my fear feeds into the vicious cycle also. Then I can start to find ways to counter that fear.

Do you see a therapist? Talking about how you feel and what you fear is important and they would be able to help you work through that fear. I validate how you feel and I know that it is real and can often stop us in our tracks. I hope you will keep posting and talking about it. Sometimes that can help to and knowing that you are not alone also helps. I am glad that you posted and want you to know that we do hear you and care. I do not know if writing to your fear is something you could do but maybe at some point it would be something you might try. I just wanted to give you an idea of how I am trying to face it and find a way to move forward in it.

Again welcome to PC. I hope that you will find hope and encouragement as you talk about it. Just know that you are not alone as many here will be able to connect and understand what you are feeling. What you feel is important and you are important. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts (if okay).

dpslove:

[vonnegutsedge]

I am a bit of a procrastinator so it may be a while before i finish this post but first and foremost I would like to say thank you to all of you. Knowing people care for each other like this makes me have a little more faith in humanity.

[vonnegutsedge]

To brookwest,

I have not lived in Maine very long but I have noticed all the things you have mentioned. I hate it to be honest. I am from New Hampshire (not that it is much better). The only reason I live in Maine is because it is closer to my girlfriends family and she missed them dearly. I am slowly gaining a group of friends up here. But it is hard, being an introvert, to find friends. It is funny you mention chatting with cashiers because I am a cashier myself. I love when people chat with me. Thanks for the support and I look forward to hearing from you again.

[vonnegutsedge]

To bluestate,

I am not religious at all honestly. If I were to categorize myself I would have to say I am a Bokononist. Which is a Kurt Vonnegut concept basically recognizing the necessity of the lies religion tells. That is a gross oversimplification of course. Religion both scares and fascinates me. I have never been able to have faith in anything or anyone including myself so it makes it extremely difficult to have faith is something that only might be.

I do have support but it extremely hard to accept and confront that fact that I need it. In other words I do not want to admit I am crazy. Growing up I had the support of my mother until I was twelve when she died of breast cancer. I was in an abusive home and hold repressed memories of sexual abuse (most are repressed). Which may contribute to the aforementioned lack of faith.

What relaxes me most is television and video games. I can just lose myself in them. I used to read and write but lost my concentration and inspiration. I did try meditation but it really did not work. That was also about four years ago so I will give it another go. Thank you for the advice. And thank you for the kind words.

[vonnegutsedge]

To darkpurplesecrets,

First thank you for the welcome it means alot. I am glad (not sure if thats the right word because I dont wish this on anyone) that someone else is going through the same thing I am. It is good to know that there are people that can help and support each other with the same problems (again not sure if thats the right word).

The letter you mention is a great idea. I am definitely going to try it. It sounds like something that could help me alot. Writing was always very therapeutic for me but I just stopped. I may post some of them.

I do not see a therapist. I did as a kid but it never help. They always seemed to just be trying to see what was wrong with me and I could never open up. All my sessions ended up being lie sessions.

Again thank you for your kind words. It means alot. Validating my fear helps so much. Even after just posting what I posted lat night made me feel lighter and happier. I will continue doing this.

Hugs are always welcome :-)

[Mith]

I am actually suprised this isn't a much more common perspective on life from our culture. If you think about it, everything we experience from birth is based on getting us to "buy" most ofent spured on by fear. Sit down and watch TV for a few hours one time doing nothing but taking note of how much "fear" is piped into our psyche through it. Commericals making us worry about our retirement, finances, health, car, deseases we didn't even know existed, and not being able to "be the man we used to be". Even the indirect commercials are about fear of not being populare if we don't buy certain products. Or fear of not getting the BEST deal. We often have to "call" or "come down now!!" because "this offer won't last". And then there are the TV programs themselves. Then you walk out into a world filled with advertisement and judgmental eyes. It is enough to make you paranoid if you let it. And that is the key, just don't let it.

[Crew]

((((((((((((((((vonnegutsedge)))))))))))))))))))

to PsychCentral!

Hey, I have dealt with Fear and I understand what your feeling from my point of view.
A therapist told me to look at what Fear is made up of. I must say, I have used this for years and it has served me well......

so I thought maybe this may help........

I see FEAR is made up of PAIN + ANGER = FEAR
FEAR + Pain = ANGER
ANGER + FEAR = PAIN

so what I do is when I am feeling alot of FEAR that I am not sure why I look at what I am Angry about and then what is the PAIN telling me and after awhile I work on Anger and Pain and most all the time it works itself out instead of my "FEAR" being in control of me.

You will find a lot of support here, please use it and it's wonderful to have you apart of PC!!!!!

It was AWESOME meeting you..... keep on writing your stuff out maybe here so you can get that Fear out of you for a little bit.

Be well and
Crew

[BlackHoleKid]

No, you are not the only one. I think I'm a chronic coward. Death is the only thing I don't fear, but I do fear how my friends and family would feel after I left. So I guess I do fear death. >:P
I know exactly how you feel, though. Which is comforting to me, if not you.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am very similar.

I was raised by someone who was always afraid and it bled out onto me.

The other day I was laughing with my mentor, discussing where I used to be.

I still have a lot of fear. A lot.

I used to be worse.

I am similar.

And it can be dealt with.

Billi

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Mith

I am actually suprised this isn't a much more common perspective on life from our culture. If you think about it, everything we experience from birth is based on getting us to "buy" most ofent spured on by fear. Sit down and watch TV for a few hours one time doing nothing but taking note of how much "fear" is piped into our psyche through it. Commericals making us worry about our retirement, finances, health, car, deseases we didn't even know existed, and not being able to "be the man we used to be". Even the indirect commercials are about fear of not being populare if we don't buy certain products. Or fear of not getting the BEST deal. We often have to "call" or "come down now!!" because "this offer won't last". And then there are the TV programs themselves. Then you walk out into a world filled with advertisement and judgmental eyes. It is enough to make you paranoid if you let it. And that is the key, just don't let it.

You know Mith, your right now that I think about it. Fear must be such a well known fact that fear itself sells. Most of the regular TV shows are all about chasing and address the fear in all of us. In a way we are hooked on fear.

Open Eyes