[indigo1015]

This thread is mostly going to consist of me typing my thoughts out loud, but if anyone has any different thoughts of ideas on how to help, you are more than welcome to post them. I've been thinking about how much trouble I have talking to doctors. Most people would probably say it's because I'm overweight, and that I don't like being told I have to lose weight to be healthy. That's actually not true - I have no problem with being told that, so long as the doctors recognizes that, just because he/she sees an overweight person right now, doesn't mean that I haven't been trying to lose weight. I know, right now, I'm not actively trying, but there have been many times in the past when I was trying actively to lose weight, and the doctor, who just saw a big fat person, told me that I was too heavy and needed to START losing weight. That was a major blow - surely a medical person realizes that healthy weight loss is not overnight, and I felt that they should have stopped to consider that maybe, I was already on a weight-loss plan.

My problems with doctors go deeper than that, I realize - without going into too much detail, I will say that, as early as age 10, I was placed on antidepressants. This was something my parents did not like, yet they complied anyway because the doctors told them it was the best thing for me. Recently, I acquired a list of medications I had been prescribed ever since I was 13 (the pharmacy wouldn't go back to when I was 10 years old), and frankly, as I look it over, I am kind of horrified at the levels of various medications that they had me on. It seemed more like they themselves didn't know the answers to my problems, but rather than admit it, they just prescribed an additional medication for me. To be blunt, during that time, I must confess that I felt more like a lab rat to them than their patient. Moreover, when I was in my teens, I experienced severe thyroid problems (by severe, I mean that I was semi-comatose), which, according to my research, have been linked to a drug I have been on since I was 10. How could the doctors not know about this? I had asked my psychiatrist at the time, and he claimed to have no knowledge of this link. Most likely, my rage towards him about this is probably related to my distrust for doctors.

Finally, there are the little things that get under my skin - by "little things," I basically mean the lack of consideration I have received from some medical practitioners. I have been told that I have bipolar disorder, and because of that, I "lose my marbles" (this was my psychiatrist from years back who said this to me, when I was in his practice - once he said it, our working partnership terminated). I have been ignored by doctors who never get back to me (with disastrous results), who are an hour late for my appointment when I, who was punctual, have to go to work, and they don't even apologize for it. I have also had doctors who, though well-meaning, don't seem to understand that most people have jobs, lives, and other issues that interfere with reaching their perfect condition. When you are working two jobs and taking care of a sick relative (as I was, for a time), you don't necessarily have the time, money or energy to put in your two cents at the gym or to go see the doc on a regular basis about a problem which, you may feel, can be handled more economically.

This is not meant to be a finger-pointing session at the medical field, nor is it meant to be a way to make people feel sorry for me. What I'm trying to do is lay out, in some way, the reasons why I personally feel great apprehension when I am about to see a doctor. I've never really done this before, so if there's a logic gap somewhere, forgive me. Here, though, I can see a number of contributing factors - the feeling that a doctor is pre-judging me based on my appearance, the mishandling of my medication, the lack of consideration I have genuinely received from some doctors, and my feeling that the medical field needs to get its head out of the clouds and understand how average people's lives work. I have respect for doctors, and as a child, I wanted to be one. What I hope is that they have respect for me. If there are any suggestions on how to handle these issues so that I can more effectively talk to a doctor, please let me know.

[shezbut]

(((indigo1015)))

I have had similar experiences with some doctors that feel a million miles away & judgmental. Things that I'm hypersensitive about are always blamed (my memory and judgment) by myself for poor doctor visits.

While our symptoms aren't a match, the effect is the same, imo. We're both hypersensitive, making our minds go a million miles/minute and unable to say what we've wanted to say. We then leave, kicking ourselves for being ___ and our doctors for being insensitive jerks.

When I do go into appointments prepared, with Q's and information, things do better. I am upfront with my doctors and let them know that it's takes me a little bit longer to process information...that seems to help them slow down & come off more patiently. That helps me relax a lot! Once I relax, I can process information more easily (more quickly) which gives me time to ask my Q's.

I hope that this helps you too! (((hugs)))

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by shezbut

(((indigo1015)))

I have had similar experiences with some doctors that feel a million miles away & judgmental. Things that I'm hypersensitive about are always blamed (my memory and judgment) by myself for poor doctor visits.

While our symptoms aren't a match, the effect is the same, imo. We're both hypersensitive, making our minds go a million miles/minute and unable to say what we've wanted to say. We then leave, kicking ourselves for being ___ and our doctors for being insensitive jerks.

When I do go into appointments prepared, with Q's and information, things do better. I am upfront with my doctors and let them know that it's takes me a little bit longer to process information...that seems to help them slow down & come off more patiently. That helps me relax a lot! Once I relax, I can process information more easily (more quickly) which gives me time to ask my Q's.

I hope that this helps you too! (((hugs)))

While I agree with you on a certain level and think your advice is very good, that still doesn't change the fact that what they did in the past was, I'm pretty certain, not in my best interest. While this wasn't meant to be a blame session towards doctors, I still am holding my ground that it is not my fault either. I process information quickly, and I don't usually feel like kicking myself when I leave the doctor, I feel like kicking the doctor lmao So, part of this is more about me needing to deal with this resentment constructively, rather than having trouble expressing myself. I think I express myself just fine to them. Why haven't they ever listened?