Really struggling

Really struggling at the moment in some ways.. although doing really well in others so just conflicted at the moment.

I am a social work student and about to start my final placement and there has been so much drama! My last placement I didn't really get to do a lot of direct practice - more research and theory - and so really need to practice it this time. I find direct practice hard at times but can do it well when pushed and so need a good placement so that I can build confidence. Everyone else believes I can do it but I sometimes struggle with the confidence myself. I have done so well - I stood up for what I needed, made all the phone calls (I used to hate phones and still can feel my heart in my throat when talking to people for the first time), and tried to sort it all out. But my placement co-ordinator has been a nightmare. She keeps trying to send me 2 hours away (I travelled for my last placement so can't do that again) and has also put me with a government organisation that has such a rigid structure that I could not do anything independently to practice my communication and assessment skills. Everything I said I didn't need in a placement!

I know it might not sound like much but it is really affecting me. My last placement was a disaster and I really struggled with it and this one is turning out the same way. I really believe that I could be good at this with practice and everyone around me believes it to, I just lack the confidence and for me I need someone to give me a role and then give me the space and independence to do it - I don't cope with someone over my shoulder the whole time. I gave them the names of 5 places that could offer that in my local area and she still couldn't organise it. And under uni policy I can't organise it on my own.

Ugh - it is just making me want to give up. I really put myself out there, telling her my insecurities and admitting where I fall short (hard for me as a perfectionist!) so that I could get the placement I needed, not just the one that was easy for me, and it still isn't working out.

I can do this placement and it would be easy but it's not fair - on me or potential clients. What happens next year when I graduate and am meant to be completely independent in my work but haven't had the chance to practice 1/2 the job? How am I meant to cope? And what about any poor clients that I need to work with?

Ugh....

That situation sounds frustrating and I can see that it's causing you anxiety. I don't know how it is at your uni, but I started a few weeks late because I negotiated to get something closer to where I live. And that was okay and not unusual. I ended up getting a clinical placement at the hospital (I'm on placement now ). All I can say is to keep negotiating and see if you can settle on something in the middle. If you're unable to build the skills you need on placement another option available to you is volunteer work or volunteer telephone counselling. Reach outside the course/university for your needs and don't wholly rely on your uni to provide everything - try to be proactive.

If it feels like you're struggling with your issues it might be a good idea to consider outside help because placement and studies should not really be used as self-therapy. It causes all sorts of complications which I will not get into right now. It can also cause problems for you if you're relating all this information to your supervisor or field-placement coordinator because people do judge (irrespective of whether you're actually wrong or right). The issues you relay to them might be confidential, but it will be on the back of their minds and will affect you in the long-run. So, try to focus on your positives when speaking to them rather than on the negatives. In saying all that, I do think it was brave of you to share your insecurities with them and I do hope you hang in there!

As a fellow social work student (with baggage ) I can empathise and extend my support to you. Hmm, I guess I can clarify what I meant about what you say to others will affect you in the long-run. I will use my own experience. For example, a few week's back when I first started my placement I asked one of my supervisors about why mortuary visits were listed on the student program at the main hospital. I also relayed my own experience that I had when I was young when I went with my mother and sister to identify my father at the morgue, and how dead bodies still kinda weird me out. Anyway to cut the story short, the group supervisor at the main hospital invited me to a morgue visit with the other social work students. My supervisors intervened and said that it was inappropriate for me to attend and let the group supervisor know. They also blocked an education session on counselling and dealing with sudden death at the morgue - I wasn't allowed to attend that! Their actions were a contradiction to what they said to me individually i.e. I'm an adult and I am free to make my own choices and that at the end of the day I would be the best judge of what is appropriate or not appropriate. This protective behaviour is nice, but it's not appreciated because I do believe in exposure therapy...to move through anxiety issues. I was frustrated because it blocked my process (and learning) and I now need to clear up the misunderstandings. I thought I did the right thing by saying that I 'might' become anxious if I go into that situation and was taking precautionary measures. However, sometimes less is best. IMO, it is best to discuss any triggers or issues with someone outside of the university and placement settings. Does that make sense?

Thanks for the reply - it does make sense and I have always been careful about what I tell them for that reason. All that I told them (my uni) was that I am naturally an introverted person and so need to work on direct practice skills but haven't had a chance in previous placements so needed a direct practice role in my final one, especially since I need to prove to our accreditation board that I have used the different skills.

I am sorry you have struggled with your uni and having them respect your freedom. I never disclose too much to the university as I really don't trust anyone there and it is not part of our necessary relationship. I have only ever disclosed what is relevant to my actual learning and received help elsewhere when needed for the rest. Normally I just need to vent a bit so come here or seek out a friend, but do seek professional help when necessary.

okay, awesome. Hopefully you'll get what you want and will develop the skills you need in practice! And yea, I agree with you. It's not a necessary part of the relationship. Sounds as if you're on top of things for the most part

Can you get a different coordinator, this one doesn't seem to be working well for you?