I am new here. I came here because I am in a really dark, dark place. I do not want to call my psyche emergency line because they will try to put me in the hospital again. I feel like I have no one and no where to turn. I feel like the time is here and I am a coward in not being able to follow through. My heart knows it is time to go, but my head seems to not want to follow. I feel like why don’t I have anyone, why do I have to be alone when everyone else has everything. Why cannot I just be happy for one moment and have someone just love me, somone want me. Am I so different and so frightening and so ugly that no one is ever going to love me. Is this all I get, is this it for me. Will it never change? It does not feel like it will ever change. It feels desperate and alone and scary and miserable. I hate it, I hate my life and I hate living in it. I don’t want to live in it anymore. I do not know what to do or how to fix it and to be hones, I don't want to try anymore.
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