[bill77bman]

ive been seeing a psych for almost a year and he has tried different meds they feel like they help then all the sudden its back to the beginning i always wonder is it a waste of time a waste of money i just want to feel normal and happy something ive never really felt.always worried something bads going to happen always have a knot in stomach sometimes i argue with myself.i have a wife and three kids and sometimes i think if they would be better with out me,its not just a roller coaster ride for me its one for them to.i dont know why i worry about everything why i try to keep my feelings to self i feel like it may bother others.when in room with alot of people always feel like someone is watching me always think i said or did something wrong always have a funny feeling like i dont belong.i dont talk cause afraid ill say something wrong thanks for listening feels good to express my feelings just like doing it with people present

The last part sounds a bit like social anxiety. I'm sure you must have mentioned this to your doc. If not it may be a good idea, Group therapy may help with that.
As for your family being better off without you...trust me they wouldn't.
Hope things get better soon and that you'll at least reach a comfortable plateau. It's a long road. Hang in there and take care