I've even been hiding from myself...

Yeah, I have... I thought that I was not feeling down because of my dad, yet because of other things... I mean I have accepted that he is dead and that it was his time to go, but I guess you know even if you have excepted it you are always going to miss the person who died... I realized I do... I mean it just shows: My dad kept the house clean and now that hes not here it is a mess, he paid the bills and now that hes gone the bills never get paid on time, he was there when i got home from school but my mom is only sometimes home when i get home, he took me places but my mom is often too busy to, etc. It's not that I feel like I miss him, it is just that things in the long run are being made problems of mine b/c he is not around... I was hit pretty hard yesterday in therapy with some info. about my dad and my T didn't even ever askhow I was feeling (no, you dont have to ask... I just expected her to since the session are about me and my feelings). So anyways, yesterday I just felt pretty overwhelmed. My dad and I share a song called Butterfly Kisses and I hadnt listened to it for like a year... last night I came home and listened to it and started to have tears pour out before the words even started... since yesterday it is all i have been thinking about and though I have laughed and joked around, I have been thinking about him constantly. I think I also figured out why I might be dreading tis Christmas... usually I enjoy Christmas, bu this year I am just not ready... I found out my dad always hated the Winter Holidays because that is around the time that his dad had his first heart attack, and then soon after the second one that killed him. So I guess now that I heard that yesterda it just made me less in the spirit... I mean I dont want to make a big hoopyda out of it now... I just want to celebrate the birth of Christ. So, yeah, I have been hiding the fact that I miss my dad from not only the world, but myself. : (

Through each others weaknesses we find comfort.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Val}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It sounds like you have made an important discovery (that you were hiding your feelings from yourself). It's hard to get into the spirit of the holidays when you associate this time of year with hard and painful things. I hope that it gets easier for you to enjoy Christmas.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

The loss of a parent is very difficult = I hope you will give yourself a break, and allow yourself to experience whatever emotions that come up in order to get thru. the grieving process, for however long it takes. My sincerest condolences for your loss. Warmest regards, Peanut PS. Congratulations on talking things over with your Therapist - that's important to the process as well.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

((((((( Val))))))))))))
I know how badly you feel and how songs that you shared can hurt greatly, you remember I told you my dad died last November, it still hurts, and this time of year I can't escape (while out of the house) The Christmas Song, by Nat Cole (Chesnuts roasting on an open fire), dad use to sing that during this time of year around the house now when I hear it, I start to cry, another one is "Unforgetable", that does that to me. "Hiding it from yourself", the realization just hitting now is nothing odd, for some people the inner denial of letting go of someone can push you into that, and then there are some people accept and move on sooner than others.
I was told there is no "dead line" when one stops grieving.
And I have also been told there is "no specific" way to grieve.
Take care

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON