Ever tend to follow other people's lead?

Hello,
There have been times when I'm talking to a friend and if we're forced to make a decision and I'm stuck , I'd just follow my friend's choice. Then, there are times when i may copy someone's gestures, catch-phrase, or action unintentionally. For example, if a friend liked to say "get out of here" I would find myself saying it too. Or if a friend would put up a thumbs up when being sarcastic I would start doing it. I wanted to know if someone could relate or help me understand why I'm doing this. It's very frustrating since I don't feel like my own person just bits and pieces of others.

Thanks in advance,
Frannii

Hi Franii

Are you a teenager or in early 20's?

In my experience, behavior like this is very common for adolescents and young adults. People are often questioning their beliefs, desires, and ideas at this age. In some time, these young adults gain more experience and develop strong desires & wishes.

Some people get past this experience earlier than others ~ and then a small portion of people continue to struggle. Those who continue are commonly referred to as "people pleasers". Being a people pleaser is a problem because your true wants & needs are being stifled inside of you. That can lead to a lot of resentment and anxiety.

I've struggled with this issue myself for quite a while. I have progressed in certain arenas, I can now stand up for what I believe in. In other arenas, I feel lost ~ and have no idea what I truly feel. At least I am making progress, but it takes time. While I don't mimic other people's behavior anymore, I often let them be the decision-makers because my mind is completely blank.

Hope that this helps you, or at least offers some comfort/support to you. Best wishes!

my whole family does this. it drives me nuts. i've noticed it for a long time. i've told my T's for years that even my brother can't maintain his own style, he dresses like his girlfriends (not in dresses!). I have a cousin who is a very funny impressionist. I do it too, I automatically mimic the speech pattern of whomever I am speaking with. I'm 60 and while I have a strong sense of self, it is not well integrated - I am more of an imaginary friend to myself.

Well, this is normal for adolescents and young adults. In this stage of development, people are beginning their quest for their identity -- who they want to be in the future. During childhood, they were told by their parents and teachers what to do and what not to do. What to wear, what to eat, when to sleep and many others. As they grow older, they join groups that they think has the same interests as theirs. They begin to feel that these people understand them more than their parents do. The thought of them obeying the rules of their parents kind of annoys them because of the freedom and independence they want to achieve. Growing up, we usually make a mental image of who we want to be and there comes a time when we meet someone who seems to be everything that we want to be as projected by the mental image that I am talking about. And that someone becomes our model. We tend to modify what we were told to do by mimicking the behaviors, attitudes, personalities and words of our models.

It's part of the human development and admit it or not, we've been through this. Some are in the process, some are just starting the process. However, it is not good to mimic others and continuously look for someone to be your pattern in your search for identity. In the end, you have to learn to do things your way. Remember to “be the first rate version of yourself, not the second rate version of someone else.”

Hope this helps

I'm 16.... And thanks for the replies it makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one experiencing this. I'll try my best to stop.

(((Frannii))),

Human beings are born to imitate and emulate. We are continually looking for the "most effective way to communicate our needs and connect with others". And everywhere you go, if you were to travel there would be groups of human beings in a certain area that develope accents and languages to use for communication. So this is "not you" or something you are doing that is all that different from other human beings. LOL, it is kinda funny because when we hear a person speak we can often determine where that person comes from and even their social standing as well as educational level.

Open Eyes

At your age, Frannii, I use to do the opposite! I would pick what friends/others had not picked, whether I agreed/wanted it or not. I think some of it has to do with not having very much experience yet; I've made millions of choices in my 62 years now but you have only made 5-10 years worth? So, when confronted with a choice or a "style" of being, you are still trying different ones on to see which you prefer. It's not a bad thing, how else can you see what you like for yourself? Everything is learned and chosen and your friends you are "borrowing" from had to borrow from others to do what they're doing, just look at the history of the "thumbs up" gesture:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thumbs_signal