[littlebutt]

I have been a lurker here for a few years and thought I'd post tonight. I am not sure why but I think I just feel like venting.

My meds have stopped working I think. My counselor suggests that I see my psychiatrist immediately but my appointment is so far off.

My issue is that I am tired of fighting this roller coaster. My bi-polar has morphed into something odd where I am either depressed or physically ill when it swings manic. I am either depressed or vomiting, depending on the week. I can't feel emotions anymore except anger and frustration. I am not sad which is the odd thing, only lonely, isolated and ready to be done with this.

My 20 year marriage is ending next month and my fall back, my job, is pointless with no reward or joy anymore. My counselor says I am in severe depression but as I said I don't feel anything but empty.

I think that I am through with all of this frustration, illness and emptiness. There is nothing redeeming or joyful about my life anymore and truth be told has not been since they took me off the powerful antidepressants three years ago because of the severe side effects.

Truth be told any plans to harm myself are a long ways off so please don't reach for the phone. I just want to know if anyone else out there is feeling the same way I am and what I can do about it? I know the obvious answers already: see my psychiatrist, up my meds, smile and be happy, etc.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. Yes, I've felt exactly like that before. A psychiatrist won't help you I don't think. Talking to one, I mean. That's just not going to work.

What helped me was CHANGING the medication I was on. And since you're not on one right now, perhaps just putting you on a different one than what you were on before will do the trick. Not ALL antidepressants have side effects. You might try Cymbalta -- I'm on the highest dosage of 60mg twice a day, so 120mg per day. I'm not having ANY side effects at all (that I'm aware of anyway ) but the drug is very effective for my depression. And i have severe clinical depression and I've had it since I was a very small child. i've been taking antidepressants for almost 40 yrs. Nice, huh? Plus my doc as added Abilify 2mg to the Cymbalta just to give me a boost cause I was beginning to feel a little "sad" and I didn't want to go into the pits again. It has really helped immensely! I now feel "normal" whatever that is.

You might ask your doc about it. Is he open to your giving him suggestions about medication? I sure hope so. Some docs get insulted if the patient questions his expertise about meds. I hope he won't mind if you suggest something. My doc is pretty good about that.

Anyway -- let me know what he says, will you? Believe it or not, I REALLY DO CARE. Honestly. I know how awful it is to have to live like this, and I care about people. So let me know will you? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee