[inkblot]

A while back my son, age 5-1/2, told me something brief about being hit by his stepmom at his dad's house. Today my 12 year old daughter said it, and that she is sometimes called dumb @, or much worse. She was clearly bothered and anxious about this stepmom. It seems that as time goes on, both kids are wanting to get away from her more and live with me. I left a quick voice mail for her T again, and he surprised me calling back within 15 minutes. He is definitely concerned. He said that he would call and talk to their father before I took the kids back. Fast forward thru more details as I am running out of time... About a half hour after dropping off the kids back at their dads, I got a voicemail--from my daughter, who never speaks to me on the phone--pretty much denying everything she told me this afternoon. She said the stepmom hit her "a long time ago--like a few months ago..." I know she was prompted (forced) to make the call, plus at the end she had to ask the person in question how to turn off the phone. She said this afternoon that she is afraid that if she tells (her T, a teacher or school counselor, etc), that person will tell and she will get in trouble. I feel like I have broken my daughter's trust! She has gotten in trouble now because I snuck a moment to call her T today. I don't believe the kids will tell me anything anymore.

[wisewoman]

I am so sorry, it is important for you to give this info to her therapist as well. You acted to protect her and she sounds like she was set up. Good luck.

[Rapunzel]

Inky, you did the best that you could do, and this still could work out for the best. A few months ago I was feeling bad about reporting that a child I was working with had said his dad was hurting him. The social worker came and interviewed him at school, and his mom happened to be there, so she was in the interview. The boy was afraid to say anything, and told us that his mother got mad at him and told him not to tell people about things that happened at home anymore. I thought that we had probably only made things worse by reporting. But I got to talk to him again yesterday, and it sounds like things are getting better for him at home. Now his parents know that someone knows what was going on (at least a little bit), and they are more careful about controlling their tempers, and the mom is empowered to stand up to her husband since she knows she would be backed up.

Your kids' stepmom may take steps to try to cover up what she has done, but hopefully now that she is aware that someone is watching for signs of trouble, and that the kids are well capable of telling, she will be more careful. It's a hard decision to tell because we wonder what the abuser might do to maintain silence, but they also know that if they take it too far someone will know. I'm sure that T will handle it appropriately and let the kids know that it is okay to tell. They have been working with him long enough that I would bet they have a trusting relationship. Also, what your daughter says when she is on the phone being prompted doesn't mean that she won't trust you to confide in you when she needs to. She knows that you tried to help her.

Will their dad help keep them safe?

[inkblot]

Thank you both for responding. But Rap, I don't know. Their dad is responsible for abusing ME while we were married. Have good ol' PTSD history. I had a nasty reaction to him a few years ago. Its alot better now, but I don't think it could ever really completely go away.

[desirae]

That's a sad situation. I'm very sorry this is happening to your children. What I would do is, next time you have your children, ensure them that it is important that they tell you everything....tell them you want to help them not be afraid anymore. I'd give this your entire effort because if somethings going on I think it's very important you know and do what you can.

[bipolar_bear]

Talk to your kids and eplain your actions. How much you love them and don't want to see them hurt in any way. Whether you did, or did not, do what they think is "right" in their eyes they may understand why you felt you needed to do. Sometimes being a good parent is doing what is unpopular. I know I could not stand to see my son abused. Please talk to them.

[SS8282]

Inky, I'm sorry this is happening. Please SAVE THAT VOICEMAIL FROM YOUR DAUGHTER. That might help, especially the part where she asked help to turn off the phone.

I don't know if the kids are getting into trouble, but they know that you BELIEVE them and that you can take care of them. A lot of kids are threatened, but it helps to know that there is someone out there who loves and will take care of them without abusing them.

Her T needs to know and can also help.

You did the right thing. You really did! ((((((((inky))))))))

[inkblot]

I see my T tomorrow night. I have speakerphone on my new cell, so I might play it for him. I left him a voice mail about what happened too. I am pretty sure he has a good list of subjects to tackle. I'm not sure he will know where to start, but I think it will be with my kids. I imagine the next topic will be food and eating. He likes when I have the kids with me for longer times because I eat then. I ate twice with them yesterday, the second time because my daughter was so afraid to go back fearing getting in trouble with the stepmom because her jeans were dirty. I took her clothes shopping. There is so much more to tell.

[SS8282]

The more people who know what's going on, the better. Bet you're right - your kids will be at the top of the list.

Something must be really wrong if a child is afraid to go home because he or she will get into trouble for getting clothes dirty. This kind of fear is just not right.

Keep reminding your kids that you're there for them.

Keep us posted. Huggles

[jennie]

the problem is bigger than you. you did the right thing. sounds like you need more help. your kids need to know you are a safe person to go to for love and help.

consider calling that therapist again and ask how he is going to protect the kids. consider talking to your counselor, too.

hang in there . . . your kids need you.