[xxxispillcoffeexxx]

1. I want to stop thinking in the polarities of black and white.
I feel like in order to accomplish this I need to understand the logical lapses that I do have and what I am repressing when I idealize or devalue people. I need to understand and accept my emotions rather than having my judgments taken to be facts and me avoiding the truth of any given situation.
2. I want to understand the reasons behind my actions and where they are rooted from.
I have to learn to stop and ask myself why I feel the way I do and if I am wallowing in any given emotional period. I must realize that I do things deliberately and for a reason. I put myself into emotional mindsets due to self debasing patterns of negativity and emotional turmoil. I want to learn what to do with my emotions when I have them and be able to express them clearly.
3. I want to be able to think rationally, calmly and express my thoughts in non-destructive ways.
Learning to accomplish this will take trial and error. I must be honest and express my emotions exactly and unapologetically truthful. I must state my emotions and the reasoning behind them and learn to examine them and accept them rather than disassociate and try and ignore them.
4. I want to learn ways of developing trusting, consistent and stable relationships without fear of abandonment, severe neediness and emotional chaos and obsession of the significant other.
Learning the values of trust, communication and logic will greatly improve my outlook of myself and learning to be self sufficient will make me less dependent on other people for validation and assurance. Gaining control of my thoughts and learning composure will allow for me to express myself in a less volatile way. The ending of obsession will result from me discovering ways in which to consider others feelings and stop the idealization pattern.
5. I want to remain sober and clean from drugs and alcohol.
Everyday should be counted and examined as to why I chose to get clean and sober. I chose to get clean and sober because I wanted to understand myself beyond the masks of drugs and alcohol. I wanted to discover who I was and what I wanted instead of using everyday and I wanted more than anything to have truth in my life.

[Miswimmy1]

I think you hav great goals! are you working with anyone to accomplist them? As for discovering yourself, I think that we can nvr truly know ourselves fully. Life is the jounrey of learning about youself... and through experiences, we can come closer to discovering ourselves.