[Dontfeellikeme]

Hey. This is all too much again. I mess every thing up. Nothing will ever be normal. Want it over one way or another. Feel so angry with everything. Sorry to post this. Can't keep up with myself. Am I to blame? Probably. I dunno. Sorry.

Right there with you my friend. But remember when the sun comes out? It does come out. We just gotta hang on, keep breathing, and waiting for that sun. I hear it always rises. It is impossible for the sun not to rise. Then you will be happy to be alive. Love, Glinda

[Miswimmy1]

I'm sorry u are hurting

[Miss Laura]

Hey Dontfeellikeme,

You wanna talk about it?

[jelly-bean]

Sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Are you in therapy or on meds? If not then maybe you should go to your doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling. If you want to talk, I'm here.

[Dontfeellikeme]

Thanks jelly bean. I am meds and therapy. Wish it was doing more to help. Must just be me. Thanks for replying sorry.

[here today]

Not you. You're doing the best you can. I felt like I messed up everything when I was at my most ill. I'm doing better now, got a good T who has helped.

Maybe you should think about looking for another T?

[Dontfeellikeme]

Third person I've worked with and it don't work. When im good I can't deal with contact because I feel on top of the world don't want to come down. Then I'm in too much of a mess to get anything from it. Maybe it's work I dunno. I can't keep up with everything I feel being so extreme. I dunno. No body gets it.

[gma45]

Sorry you are feeling so bad. It is not you it is the depression talking, it makes us feel like sh%$. Don't let it win, you are worth it even though there are times it is hard to see that. I agree with Lightblub7 the sun will come out! I wish you well my friend!

We get it! Lol that's what I've been seeing is that there are thousands, maybe millions of people just like us, going through similar things who know how we feel. I couldn't believe it either. We're all here my friend. Suffering. Healing. Together. <3

[Dontfeellikeme]

I just can't get past hate and anger. Its not me. Im not aggressive. Being around people is fteaking me out.

I would persevere with the therapy and the medication - if you're not happy with your current T then don't wait too long before finding someone else and always be sure to discuss adjustments to medication as soon as you feel it necessary. Remember that your illness doesn't define you, you have a life, experiences - heck, a whole BEING outside of being depressed. Do not let it win, it doesn't deserve any more attention than the focus you have on getting rid of it. I wish you well.

[Dontfeellikeme]

Im so scared I can't bring myself to level this week. I want to kill. Or preferably no longer have to be there. So angry with everything. Can't do anything that stops it. My boyf has made me take diazepam every evening this week and can't get any relief. Im trying. I've got myself into work. I'm trying.

[likewater]

(((( dont feel like me)))) you took the words out of my mouth. I've said that before! I wanted a broken leg because people understabd a broken leg. You can get treatment and compassion for a broken leg and usually it heals! No one seems to even agree on a dx for me much less how to treat it. My bfriend, my Ts , my family and I don't know what to do. And yeah, no one gets it. To them i'm lazy or unreasonable or a burden or pain in the neck. I hate that. But all I can do is keep getting up every day. There are small victories. Hang in there.

[shezbut]

((Dontfeellikeme))

Reading the title of your post took the words out of my mouth. It would be wonderful to have a visible illness. Something that others could actually see, touch, and understand. However, everything brain-related is often misunderstood ~ unrecognized, mistreated, and it is incredibly frustrating!

Recognizing your anger, and acknowledging those valid emotions is important IMO. From there, we can then go further in our journey to find some relief to our misery and hope for our future! If important people in your life haven't yet realized the pain you're in, perhaps you should consider taking them with you to see a T? (To gain perspective on your diagnosis and what you're currently battling.) Sometimes, we don't feel as though our T really understands ~ and that's when we need to try explaining from a different angle and/or looking for another T that does understand what we're going through.

It isn't an overnight process. It takes time for us to open up a little in therapy, for our T's to ask &/or pick up on key issues that we hold near, and it takes even longer for us to slowly let go of our emotions and let ourselves open up to allow new experiences to occur in our hearts.

((best wishes to you!))

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

Hey. This is all too much again. I mess every thing up. Nothing will ever be normal. Want it over one way or another. Feel so angry with everything. Sorry to post this. Can't keep up with myself. Am I to blame? Probably. I dunno. Sorry.

gonna' work backwards if thats ok...?

gonna' do it anyway....makes sense!

it's ok..... nuthin' to be sorry about!...and if?

and if...that aint it...?...then!..... "you really screwed up and....you are completely forgiven!"

works both ways

yes you are to blame....and please understand that this is the softest way...
"it does not mean 'it's 'your fault!".....

thing is....'fault' involves other people....thats why they have so many lines-dudes at the tennis.

so...blame is a very personal thing...like "I" expect more from me!...or "you" from "you"

no need to be apologetic or at fault for how you feel!

...however, every right to be angry!...this is for sure.

just crushed a moth on my wall... neither of us were angry but my action was.

it's got more broken legs than is necessary to incapacitate any creature.

I get it!

'assumingly complete human keeps screwing up!...'

'damage same human'....

I used to wish to be crippled and stricken by disease...still do

then I could hide behind physical crap instead of mental crap!

...the only thing I never messed up 'dontfeel'...was messing up!

BUT!

thats according to what is normal...and a fine line that is to wander around on blindfolded like I do...and maybe you are just looking at other things huh?

more beautifully abstract and personally important things?

maybe?

yes...it is all too much

and in a broken leg kinda way...it's ok

[Dontfeellikeme]

thanks dubblemunkey. I don't think I am at fault. I work in a toxic environment. It won't change. I used to love my job but I'm spent.

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

thanks dubblemunkey. I don't think I am at fault. I work in a toxic environment. It won't change. I used to love my job but I'm spent.

yeah I know spent

so whats next for you... you think?

anything?

I'll listen

[Dontfeellikeme]

I don't know. I'm stuck till I can find something I guess. I'm really struggling with these feelings of want to hurt someone or myself.

[Dontfeellikeme]

I'm scared I'm not in control

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

I'm scared I'm not in control

ok

...got some hands at the end of your arms?

hold onto to them...put them together.....


tell me more

but don't waste my time either

[Dontfeellikeme]

It's cool dm. I dont want to talk about it. Its just me being stupid. Hope you are ok x

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

It's cool dm. I dont want to talk about it. Its just me being stupid. Hope you are ok x

you aint stupid.

I'm never ok

but I'm ok about it

[Dontfeellikeme]

Guess all you can do is have a drink and block it all out

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

Guess all you can do is have a drink and block it all out

how come you know me so well ...?

huh?

comes a time though when.....

no amount of drinkin' can calm the gentle beast in the face of the life monster

but I keep tryin!

anyway.........cool