one issue replaces the other, the cycle of pain continues..

it seems to me that i have quite the number of emotional problems.
look
i've lost quite a number of friends to emotional issues
friends who, while never spending time with me in person, still sacrificed thier time online for me, which is better than nothing.
my issues aren't as BAD as they used to be in 2010
but...
i still have issues
theres that voice in my head saying that im a rapist,murderer,pedo,etc:P
even though im not..
i've finally managed to gain the upper hand in the mental struggle. but..
now my mind is telling me of all these horrible things that i could say to people.
telling me that im really rude and mean to others
theres all these terrible things in my mind that it wants to say to people.
but, oh my god:O
NO!!!
i don't want people to die, im not as selfish as my mind tells me i am!!!
i would never choke other people!
i couldn't bring myself to ignore people!
even people who are mean to me!
i can't....i can't take it anymore!
god, i feel like an attention *****.
i start school at college on tuesday.
i have a doctors appointment on tuesday:P
i feel like a horrible person.
i know i have worth.
but its so difficult to live.
im not a bad person!
im not..
but the voice inside of me thinks of me as one.
god, i can't, i can't do anything.
im not a bad person.
i do help people!
i help strangers too sometimes!
and im not just randomly hostile to people like my mind says!
its so hard its so hard.
im so stupid.
im not selfish..
im not

Okay, take a deep breath & try to hang onto the fact that there are many possible reasons for "hearing voices." I'm glad that you have a doctor's appt Tuesday. You don't say which sort of doc you're seeing, but at this point it doesn't matter ... anyone is a good enough doc to start with.

Please be totally open & tell all. In fact, showing your above post might be a good place to start. You will need various tests, depending on how long it's been since you've had a thorough physical exam.

You sound like a good person who's under a lot of stress. Starting college is hugely stressful, all by itself. I'm glad you've found this place because it's full of good, caring folks who will be able to identify with much of what you're going through.

Please keep posting.

Roadie

Bless your heart = I agree with Roadie. You're not a bad person. It's just your voices trying to torment you! Like Roadie said, each time these voices begin, take a DEEP breath, and INSIST they stop. Tell them to go. Make them quiet down!

I'm glad you have a Dr.s appt. And like Roadie said, tell the Dr. everything about these voices and what they say. Don't hold anything back. The doctor CAN help you or refer you to someone who can.

College is going to be stressful and you're going to need help, so be sure to be honest with the doc.

Keep posting here too. It will help to get it all out. I wish you the very best. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

ah:P
it hurts to be awake.
i think i'll go take a nap:P
but, thank you for trying to help me:P