[Bathony]

I can't find my post about not having friends (why there's no 'my posts' button?), so I'll just say it here. I realised after the discussion with the members here that I've been hurt too much to make friends with anyone now. I've always felt inferior to others, since, well, I was six and raped. I was bullied at school till I was like 18. No one ever cared about me. No one wanted to be friends with me. Why, because I'm ugly? But on the internet nobody knows I'm hideous. Then a person I met online and my ex teacher both decided I am guilty of hypothetical sexual abuse of my niece. This crushed me, it was so unfair it makes me cry now, months after it happened. I'll never forget about this. One does not simply get over sth like that. So many people lied to me: 'it's not your fault' till it magically turned out to actually be my fault. Neither of them apologised to me, so can't possibly even consider forgiving them. They knew very well how to hurt me most painfully, everyone knows girls like me have issues with the self-blame.
This two friendships ended quite dramatically but most often people just forgot about me. They know my address, my number, I try to maintain the relation but they disappear.
So what's the point of trying? Everyone would, sooner or later, do the same: either abandon me or accuse me of not helping my stupid niece. I don't cae about my niece. So, yah, sorry for wasting your time.

[Leed]

Dearest Bathony -- I can understand your anger -- I really can. Going thru what you did at 6 yrs old, and then being constantly abandoned and ignored, I'd be angry too. I'd be hurt, angry, confused, frustrated, sad, and a myriad of other emotions.

Bathony, you need to see a professional -- perhaps you already have, but you need to see one again and a good one. A psychologist would be great. I prefer them to psychiatrists, cause psychiatrists seem to just sit there and grunt. They don't give much feedback, whereas psychologists do.

And if you've already been thru therapy and are tired of it, I understand, but obviously it didn't work. Sometimes we just don't get the right therapist.

If you can't afford a therapist, please check with Social Services, ok? Dearheart, you really need to talk with someone who understands!!! You're suffering something terrible! I don't want to see you suffer anymore! You've been going thru this for so LONG now -- it has to be so painful! No one should suffer like you have. This has been going on WAY TOO LONG honey, and you really need help. I do care, and I want to see you healthy again. You DESERVE to be healthy again -- You DESERVE to have less pain and heartache. You DESERVE to have a good life. Please get the help you need sweetie cause we ALL CARE about you. God bless and keep us informed as to what happens, ok? God bless. Hugs, Lee

[happiedasiy]

Dearest Bathony,
I am sending you hugs even if you are not able to accept them at this time.
You are not alone! You will be okay, I promise you.
It is going to take a long time before you will trust again and thats fine because not everybody is trustable.
Many people who were supose to protect you failed you, I understand this personally. But there are good people here at pc and other in the real would that come from a non judging, compasioniate, helpful heart.

I am bad, no one loves me, no one could love me, I am unlovable, I am dirty, it's my fault, I'm stupid, I should have done something, I should have told someone, I hate myself, I must be bad, I must have wanted it, I must have done something, I'm being punished, I deserve to die, I don't want to be me, why do these things happen to me, I must have deserved it.
This is not who you really are, I agree with leed, you need help.
We all do, thats why we are here!
Happiedasiy

[Bathony]

I'm never ever going to see a psychiatrist again. They never wanted to help me. After a suicide attempt I was in mental hospital and the psychiatrist decided after like 30 minutes: 'No, you are not suicidal or depressed, you're just an egoist attention-seeker'. Good to know. Psychiatrist are all against me and they don't want to help me. My signature says no questions about therapy for a reason. I got used to feeling this way.

[kindachaotic]

Bathony, please don't give up on yourself!
You are lovable, and deserve to be happy.
Do what's best for you. Don't listen to all the other crap.
Take a stand & fight for the right to be OK being YOU!
Take care of yourself. (wanting to give a hug but will refrain, for now).

Originally Posted by Bathony

I'm never ever going to see a psychiatrist again. They never wanted to help me. After a suicide attempt I was in mental hospital and the psychiatrist decided after like 30 minutes: 'No, you are not suicidal or depressed, you're just an egoist attention-seeker'. Good to know. Psychiatrist are all against me and they don't want to help me. My signature says no questions about therapy for a reason. I got used to feeling this way.

sorry to hear about your experience- that's not really professional of them

hugs... we are here

[Endeavy]

No words can help you now but like a storm just try to stay on the ship until the storm passes and you can then talk and hopefully realise it's not your fault ,I too was raped and have a daily reminder but I went through many storms to accept what happened to me........Good Luck ...........