[GroovyFrappe]

First of all, I know that no one can diagnose me with anything; that job is up to my psychiatrist and him only. But I would like to get some idea so I can at least start to find some answers.

Second, my diagnoses are depression, social anxiety, eating disorder (unspecified), and OCD. Suicide ideation's in there, too. However, I feel that whatever disorder I officially have is far more complicated.

To start, I've been experiencing mood changes for no reason. 70% of the time I feel extremely sad, depressed, exhausted, and irritable, and I also isolate myself and want to be alone with my thoughts. The remaining 30% is extreme happiness, creativity, hyperactivity, confidence, and I become sociable. There is no inbetween with my emotions. I'm either very happy or very sad. Sometimes my being sociable contradicts itself; for example, I may be excited to talk to a friend I haven't spoken with in a while and send them a text to call me, but when they call, I feel that I want to avoid them at all costs. :s My opinions of my friends and myself change constantly for no apparent reason. One minute I'll be excited to hang out with a friend, and two minutes later I feel anxious and want to stay away from them. I felt this way with my girlfriend when she was going to come stay at my hosue for a few hours. My emotions kept changing; I wanted her to stay home, then I was elated and couldn't wait for her to show up, then I was anxious and scared, then I felt confident and prepared to see her. My opinion of her (especially) changes a LOT. I'll wake up loving her so much, more than I ever loved anyone else, and later on in the day I'll be afraid of her and, again, want to avoid her, for no reason. Another thing, which I suppose is probably typical adolescent behavior, is that I can be so strong-feeling and confident in my appearance and content with myself, and then my mood shifts and I hate myself and feel ridiculous for thinking I was so great. I also have a very low self-esteem.

I self-harm as well. I used to try to break bones and punch and slap myself, and eventually I began to cut and I still do that today. I self-harm when...

-I am feeling depressed
-I am alone and bored
-I am uncontrollably energetic
-I am angry
-I haven't SI'd in a while

Sometimes I hear voices in my head that don't belong to me, but I can't understand them. They're very brief and difficult to process and understand. It's almost like the voices are speaking a foreign language. I also sometimes hear someone calling my name when they're really not. I don't have any visual hallucinations or anything along the lines of that, however.

I suppose I have strange beliefs as well. I often feel like people can read my mind and are interfering with my thoughts because I get this weird sensation in my head. I also feel that I've done something horribly wrong in my life, although I don't know what. A third belief is that people who want to be my friend are just using me to get to something or someone else, and I feel like certain people are plotting against me-- as if to harm or hurt me physically or emotionally. Trust me, there's more. xD

Sometimes my emotions are inappropriate for certain situations-- mainly when I self-harm. I think it's hilarious and comical, and when I react like this, people are usually like "IT'S NOT FUNNY. o:<"

I have other impulses with shopping and eating. With shopping, I spend a lot of money and buy a lot of objects just to make me feel better. With eating, it's also to make me feel better, but that might just be part of my eating disorder.

Now, I'd just like to know some possibilities of other disorders. It's alright if no one really has an answer, because it might just all be part of my depression and anxiety. Nevertheless, and help and responses will very much be appreciated! c: