[MudCrab]

Psychology Today has put together a page of articles about what they state is the most depressing day of the year. http://www.psychologytoday.com/colle...01/blue-monday

Of interest to me was listening to the TED talk by Neel Burton, M.D., who tries to convince us depression can make us better people.

Then there is this:

I had a hard time enjoying Sundays because Monday was approaching. Monday was a day I dreaded.

[Open Eyes]

I am glad you shared this Mudcrab. I think that this is an important way to think about "depression". Too many people begin to think of experiencing depression as a sign that they have "failed" or are "failures" and they can begin reciting manatras to themselves that are cruel and self punishing. And they allow themselves to feel guilty, instead of spending time to perhaps re-examine their goals and how they may have unreasonable "expectations" of themselves.

One thing I hear from time to time from "depressed" people is "if I cannot be great, or the best than what is the point?". I really think "society" leans towards messages that set too many "unreasonable expectations" of people. Many people are encouraged to "push very hard" and aquire things and "honestly" do they really need them?

When my husband and I bought our second home, we built a home in a culdesac where others were building homes too. It was what I guess one would call a "yuppie" neighborhood. I didn't have the biggest home, we built what we could afford and I thought it was a nice home. But to my surprise when I invited some of the women neighbors over to show them my new home, they critiqued it to each other "right in front of me" as if I was not even there. I really felt so "invaded" and I thought that was so incredibly rude. We lived there for around 5 or 6 years and that neighborhood remained "competitive" and "critical" and I was miserable. Many of these couples ended up "divorced" too.

I ended up moving and I never wanted to be in that kind of "neighborhood" again. The business I started put me in many different neighborhoods and homes, and I did notice this kind of "competition" taking place in many of these other yuppie areas.
For several years it was clear to me that there was an ongoing standard of "expectation" to have "big homes" and "new cars" and live the "big life".

However, because I was privy to so many private conversations, I heard alot about how that type of "society" was cold, and even unfriendly. After a while what happened is a lot of divorces and big empty homes scattered around in increasing numbers.

It used to be thought that the "best" jobs were Doctors or Lawyers and if you became that, you were considered "a success". But, if you spend time "talking" to these people, they are constantly working, under alot of pressure, and don't have very much "family time" or time to really even "enjoy their lives". My small business exposed me to these professionals, and they all talk about how much time is devoted to their jobs, always working. Infact not too long ago I had a "heart surgeon" come to my home with his young daughter and it was actually "sad" to listen to him. He had taken a week off to try to spend some time with his family because that was the only way he could really be with them. This young man was glad to be employed and suggested he should be "grateful" for that considering the economy, but he was not a happy man. It wasn't that he didn't like his career choice either, it was that his career choice was very stressful and constantly demanding of his time.

I raised my daughter with a goal I made sure I didn't stray from. My constant message to her was "I don't care what life path you choose, as long as I see you happy, then I will feel proud". I also did my best to help her find a "passion" and to support that along with an education. I also did my best to teach her "not" to feel she "had to meet up with the expectations of what everyone else set".

My daughter loved riding and competing with horses. That is known to be a "sport for the rich", and it is an expensive sport. It was not long before I noticed that many of the parents, and even trainers, would push very hard with an "expectation" of winning. The constant message was often, you need to be "the best" or you are "unworthy". There were times when my daughter would fall into that thinking pattern, and she was never "happy" when she did that. So I made it a point to lead her in the direction of thought to "forget about" the winning, and focus on "learning and achieving" instead and take pleasure and happiness in that because that is "where the real winning is". My daughter became very "focused" and she was "competitive", however her goals were set on the "skills" the most and she did recognize that often those that did win, not only paid for it, but often it involved politics and "drug programs for the horses" to cover up the fact that they were breaking down under the constant "demands" put on them. By taking the focus off of the "expectation" of having to win, my daughter began to realize that what that meant was "at the expense of health to some very talented horses". She learned some very good things by "letting go of unreasonable expectations", often it can be "very wasteful".

I have been struggling with PTSD myself, and it does have depression with it. I devote alot of time trying to sort through so many things I never imagined sorting through. I see how easy it is to fall into "alot of negetive self talk" as well as "a constant sense of "unworthiness and guilt" too. I know that this challenge is more than just "depression".

I will say that as much as I "do" struggle, the one thing that really "helps" and where I make "gains" is by considering whatever "positive" I can. I try to continue to learn how to allow myself to "grow" and make sure I don't think about "unreasonable expectations". Instead I try to just allow myself to recognize whatever ways I can learn to develope "healthier" thinking patterns instead of falling into a pattern of "self blame".

Open Eyes