[henrydavidtherobot]

This week was going really well. I've also noticed a huge increase in my mood and my anxiety lately. I've been hanging out with people and am learning to make small friendships with people that I've written off. I'm very grateful for these changes in my life.

However, I am so irritated by how easily things can dampen my mood. I've been on a bit of a sour note since I got accused the other day of copying a poem that I read at a reading a couple of weeks ago (this would have been impossible because we read within a couple of hours of each other). Also, this guy that I may or may not be talking to has ignored my message on FB about setting a time for our plans.

This shouldn't be a big deal, I know. Its just rough because I thrive on having a handful of close friends and I mostly have acquaintances. I don't even want to go to poetry readings anymore because now I think of everyone who goes (even though only two people accused me) as petty. When things like this happen, I just want to retreat and not deal with anyone.

I'm never attracted to anyone in this town, so when a guy who I've been hanging out with ignores me, I take it harder than I should. I'm pretty, smart, and make everyone laugh, so when someone doesn't care enough to even respond, I assume that there is a horrible quality about me that I can't see, and therefore, can't fix. When I try to mention this to my friends, they posit some fish and the sea bs. I appreciate their insight, but its annoying because I rarely have connections with people.

It's hard because I've tried peeling away from people, but then I get lonely. I took a test the other day that said that I was incredibly lonely and should seek help. Its confusing to swallow because I honestly am pretty introverted.

The most frustrating thing is knowing that I am being irrational, but not being able to keep my mood up. I feel pathetic.

[optimize990h]

In your post, you wrote how your mood can suddenly shift.

I understand how that happens for me. In my case, it is my old pattern of thinking casting a dark cloud over me.

I just want you to know you are not alone with this experience and I am sure we are not the only ones, either. Frustration over our progress or ourselves is common.

I try to live in the moment so my energy is not focused on the past nor the future, but on the now to turn to the light and face being at peace, for that is the best I can do. So, henrydavidtherobot, do not lose hope in yourself and be kinder towards yourself.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I'm pretty, smart, and make everyone laugh, so when someone doesn't care enough to even respond, I assume that there is a horrible quality about me that I can't see, and therefore, can't fix.

I helped myself by being pretty, smart, and making myself laugh and appreciating that before I took it on the road. If you appreciate yourself, your mood won't shift as much because you have it anchored in yourself instead of "out there" with everyone else.

You're halfway there, you realize you are pretty and smart and make others laugh, just appreciate that for yourself and find other things you like about you. If you are working with and enjoying you, that will show and attract others to you instead of you having to do the impossible, the opposite, pleasing the fickle others so they will let you stay near them. Yes we need others but we shouldn't be looking to them to boost our self esteem.

[tew1063]

Hello Henrydavidtherobot.
I just want you to know you're not alone in the way you feel. I've been where you're at and, quite frankly, it stinks.

Have you considered the plausibility that you may be bipolar? Bipolar's tend to have quick mood changes, just like you described. And depression along with self disgust tend to go along with it.
You may want to consider seeing a psych doctor and getting on an anti-depressant and a mood stabilizer. I take Cymbalta and Abilify. The combination works great.

Sending positve energy your way, hun. And if you want, you can find me on FB as Tammy Wlodarek

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

However, I am so irritated by how easily things can dampen my mood. I've been on a bit of a sour note since I got accused the other day of copying a poem that I read at a reading a couple of weeks ago (this would have been impossible because we read within a couple of hours of each other). Also, this guy that I may or may not be talking to has ignored my message on FB about setting a time for our plans.

It's hard because I've tried peeling away from people, but then I get lonely. I took a test the other day that said that I was incredibly lonely and should seek help. Its confusing to swallow because I honestly am pretty introverted.

The most frustrating thing is knowing that I am being irrational, but not being able to keep my mood up. I feel pathetic.

Hi, you said so many things that I am often feeling. Like you I also get very annoyed with how quickly my mood can fall. Sometimes I don't even know what causes it and that makes it even worse because I feel like I'm a mystery to myself. When I notice that my mood is going down I remind myself of all the things that make me the person that I am (or maybe who I used to be) and I try to re-connect to myself that way. It's very hard not to have close friends that you feel connected to. You could perhaps go to places you wouldn't usually go, or book a vacation? I hope you will get to know people who value and appreciate you. You already received good tips here and I hope some more people will give you suggestions and advice on how to handle this. Take care

[henrydavidtherobot]

Thanks for the advice, guys.
Perna, I do appreciate myself, but I do feel that others don't. I appreciate your comment, but I am confused by the "before I hit the road". My therapist doesn't think its a good idea for me to retreat and be alone all of the time. I can't say that that doesn't make sense. You're right about the self-esteem part, but I guess that it is hard when you devote yourself to academics and get criticized all of the time and have few people there to tell you that they love you and that you work really hard.
I just think that university will just be a lonely part of my life. I don't feel like most people get me and I think that most are petty. I'm not sure where to go that I don't typically go to, but I'm always on the lookout. I can't really book a vacation because I'm a broke college student. I'll figure it out though. I just hope that I feel better before I'm off to Egypt for a year by myself!
Thanks again, guys.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Tew, my therapist in the past recommended a bipolar screening. I took one and got scared by the results and never gave it to her. I've definitely considered that I could be on the spectrum, but also doubt it because I am a lot more rational than other bipolar people that I know.

I've had bad experiences with anti-depressants, but I am responding alright to buspirone.

Based on what you said, I'd do some reading on BPD. Not saying you have it, but you hit a few of the traits and it couldn't hurt to do some research. It is often undiagnosed and meds don't affect it much.... http://forums.psychcentral.com/borde...scription.html

[henrydavidtherobot]

Maranara, some symptoms do definitely ring a bell, but not to the extremes that they mention. They sound a lot like my 19 year old self though!

[Pikku Myy]

I am certainly looking for any other diagnosis for myself (and please do not any more stress by misc. comments/prognosis) .... but my mood swings are at extreme right now.... I can be happy, elated, sad and angry within an hour... I believe it may be my overall enviorement, stress, my MIND, and other issues.... I find myself very happy in am's... and the longer the day goes... Hugs, you are not alone

[henrydavidtherobot]

Its funny that you notice times. I know that I always feel down at around 4pm and midnight.