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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
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Aug 01, 2006 at 03:40 PM
#1
I am not sure where to post this so if it needs to be moved please do.
I am feeling alot of guilt right now. I introduced my daughter to her new husband. I had known him for over a year when I introduced them. He has since changed or I would never have done it. They were here last night and everything that came out of his mouth to her was a put down. She doesn't talk to me and is very secretive but always has been so I don't know if she even realizes what he is doing. I finally got fed up with it and asked him in front of her is that all he ever does to her. He is a very big man. about 6"4 and 350 at least. she is 5'8 and about 190. She is no little thing either but my word he has no room to talk about her butt or any other part of her. It makes me so sad. She will not tell me anything at all. I am just feeling really bad about it. __________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Magnate
Member Since May 2005
Posts: 2,252
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Aug 01, 2006 at 03:46 PM
#2
((((((((((((((((((BEBOPA DOODLE)))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry!!! __________________ Live life passionately, love unconditionally. Hope for the best, laugh your heart out. Cry when you need to, learn from the past. And remember what is meant to be will find its way. |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
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Aug 01, 2006 at 03:58 PM
#3
thanks mel! *sigh*
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Elder
Member Since Aug 2004
Posts: 5,028
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Aug 01, 2006 at 04:17 PM
#4
Sounds like he is taking his own insecurities out on her . I am sorry he is being this way. But Elaine.. they both have to take responsibility for their relationship now.. you cant do that for them. And you only thought you were doing a good thing for her. How were you supposed to know? Dont do this to yourself hon.
Love you~ Bethy __________________ |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
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Aug 01, 2006 at 04:36 PM
#5
I know Beth...it just urks me so bad to hear that kind of crap. I have been in those shoes before. I thank God every day for the husband I have. No matter what I look like he tells me I am beautiful and how much he loves me. I am so lucky!
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Aug 01, 2006 at 04:39 PM
#6
 good post Beth.I'm sorry you are feeling so bad and also that your daughter is allowing this to happen to herself.  But please don't blame yourself--- who's to say if she would have married someone that she met herself, that he wouldn't be the exact same way....... Bebop--  mandy |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
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Aug 01, 2006 at 04:44 PM
#7
thanks mandy...maybe since I said something to him last night it will open his eyes to what he is doing to her. I know they love each other but geesh!!
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
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Aug 01, 2006 at 06:18 PM
#8
I'm glad you said something! Keep at it, find other ways to encourage them to help themselves.... it wasn't your fault he changed... but it would be nice if you are part of the solution? TC
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
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Aug 01, 2006 at 06:51 PM
#9
I do try not to get involved in my kids marriages but I can't sit and watch one be verbally abused either. I will speak up if I hear it again! No one deserves that! thanks sky!
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Legendary
Member Since Jan 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 15,093
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Aug 01, 2006 at 10:15 PM
#10
Be, the friend who introduced me to my ex felt that same guilt. She should not feel guilty, neither should you. You didn't know. You wouldn't have done it had you known what he was really like. Just try talking to your daughter in private. That's all you can do.
No guilt!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Jan __________________ I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
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Pirate Goddess
Member Since Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 5,246
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Aug 02, 2006 at 03:26 AM
#11
Bee, don't blame yourself because the guy who seemed so nice in the beginning has either changed or is now showing his true colors. You had no way of knowing, and you wouldn't have put your daughter with such a man intentionally. Blame the person who has no right to do what he's doing.
You probably should take the advice to talk to your daughter in private, but I'd probably say something the moment he made the comment. He might say something about the size of your daughter's butt, and you could say, "It is? Oh, sorry, I couldn't see it, because your big butt was blocking hers." But I'm a smartmouth! 
__________________ Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights  |
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
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Aug 02, 2006 at 09:57 AM
#12
thanks Jan. you are right I wouldn't have.
maven lol good idea..I did ask him if that is all he ever did was put her down. __________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2005
Location: who cares where I\'m at
Posts: 1,258
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Aug 02, 2006 at 10:22 AM
#13
Don't feel guilty, obviously he fooled you both, that's how a man like that gets into a relationship, by being sweet in the first place, then once he has her changes completely. I know from personal experience.
He's abusing her with her words, and I'm sure she is hurt from all of this. It was brave of you to speak up to him, he needed to hear that. There's nothing much you can do accept suggest and encourage your daughter by telling her she deserves to be treated better. It's up to her to decide what to do. Maybe if he received counseling or something he could change, but most likely he wouldn't be willing to. So sorry this is happening, I hope your daughter finds strength through you. __________________ 
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
19 34 hugs
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Aug 02, 2006 at 12:32 PM
#14
thanks des!
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