Crawling out of my skin

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 07, 2013 at 03:35 PM

I got very drunk and stoned last night and brought a man that I just met home. I don't typically do things like this. I feel very dumb/embarrassed about it. I ran into a friend as I was stumbling back home and I keep worrying that he judges me. I've been doing a lot of impulsive, dumb things lately and am in a constant whirl wind of highs and lows. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and just took my last Xanax. I feel too old for this ****.

Can anyone relate? Advice?

Travelinglady · Apr 07, 2013 at 03:48 PM

Well, I have to agree that you didn't seem to make a wise decision. As far as people judging you, I can understand that concern, but it's not anything we have any control over. Maybe the man judged in a bad way, maybe not. We as humans can't control what others think, alas. I guess the main thing is to not make a habit of what you did.

I'm wondering if you are seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist for help. I am not here to judge either, but I'm sure you already know drinking will only make your problems worse, such as shutting down your own brain judgment center about whether to react to a desire.

Your last Xanax? Can you get it refilled soon? I'm wondering if you might start having withdrawal symptoms.....

I am bipolar, so I can relate to highs and lows. And I am 58. I am ready to outgrow this problem--if only I could.

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 07, 2013 at 04:02 PM

Fortunately, I was safe about it. I'm trying not to get too hard on myself because I'm a hard working and a college student. I know that I have no control, but it bothers me. I see a therapist almost every week (not this week) and I have been to a psyciatrist. I won't withdrawal because I only take them once or twice a month. I can't get it refilled because my psyciatrist refuses to perscribe it to me because, like all college kids, I drink. I do wonder though if my mood/behavior could be related to me tapering off of busproprion. I party on the weekends, but it is not typical of me to get wasted. I would be interested in doing another stuff, but most people here aren't. I hate to self diagnose, but I've been wondering if I may be on the bipolar spectrum. Does that seem like it may be a possibility?

Travelinglady · Apr 07, 2013 at 04:15 PM

Good, I'm glad you won't have withdrawals.

"All college students drink"? Not so, sir! Consider the results in your case, where you can't get a med you need because of your drinking. If anybody gives you a hard time about not drinking, then you do have a medical excuse (as if it's anybody's business, anyway.)

As far as reasons why you did what you did or if you are bipolar, then I think those would be questions for your professionals. I certainly encourage you to tell them what happened.

I hope you will feel better soon. I also know what it's like to feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Not a fun feeling.

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 07, 2013 at 04:51 PM

Not a fun feeling at all. I don't want to give up drinking. I like to go out with people and get drunk. I take my Xanax responsibly and never with alcohol. I don't want to have to reinvent my social circle and lifestyle so that I can quell my anxiety twice a month. I deserve to have a normal college experience and do t want to ostracize myself. You know? Also, I don't care to tell people that I have a mental disorder. I appreciate the advice though!

Travelinglady · Apr 07, 2013 at 05:26 PM

You're welcome! I think it's sad that people will ostracize someone for not drinking. But I know what you mean about having to have a new group of friends. Alcoholics who decide to stop drinking have to leave their drinking buddies behind......

I will say this, though, as the mother of two college students, I wish you could find a way to party and not feel like you need to get drunk! I've never been in that state, but I also hear the aftereffects of being drunk are not fun either!

allimsaying · Apr 07, 2013 at 07:24 PM

Ive reached out to you before henrydavid because Ive been there. I live in a college town. I see this all the time.

> I've been doing a lot of impulsive, dumb things lately and am in a constant whirl wind of highs and lows.

> I would be interested in doing another stuff, but most people here aren't.

Sounds familiar. It seems to me your background is different than what the college lifestyle is opening you up to and you dont have a support system in place for what you'd like to be doing.

You can stand outside and watch the party culture and witness a lot of laughter and good times and think to yourself how that looks attractive and that you want to try it too cause obviously (it seems) they are having a lot of fun but then you try it yourself and it doesnt feel right, no matter how you want it to feel right. Youre exchanging loneliness for unhealthiness and feeling the repercussion. You should quit while youre ahead and choose a healthier lifestyle. Im saying because Ive been there.

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 07, 2013 at 08:40 PM

What else should I do? I feel like staying in and not going out is a bad idea.

allimsaying · Apr 07, 2013 at 08:57 PM

Well, having a beer with friends is pretty normal activity. Its getting drunk that puts yourself at risk. What activities were you involved in at high school or with your friends from then? List some interests you have that dont involve party behavior. Could be anything. You're wanting social activites so narrow the list down to those that involve other people. Things like walking can be done in a group or alone, bowling is social, reading not so much unless its a book club. Laundry and cleaning the house arent really social unless you do it with someone, then it can be. But they dont all have to involve partying is what Im geting at.

Try and get a little of a lot of different things if you can. You'll find what you like best. Maybe partying is fun but believe me, you dont want to overdo it.

THE16THDOCTOR · Apr 07, 2013 at 09:09 PM

I had a similar issue and done the same stuff. I'm bipolar and when I drink sometimes I get carried away. I'm so impulsive I don't realize. I learned that Personally i should not be drinking bc it just causes more issues. It's fun for me while I'm doing it then the next days my mood is trying to even itself out.
Can you only have a couple drinks? Or is it hard to stop bc of the impulsiveness?

Worry Wart · Apr 07, 2013 at 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by henrydavidtherobot

I got very drunk and stoned last night and brought a man that I just met home. I don't typically do things like this. I feel very dumb/embarrassed about it. I ran into a friend as I was stumbling back home and I keep worrying that he judges me. I've been doing a lot of impulsive, dumb things lately and am in a constant whirl wind of highs and lows. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and just took my last Xanax. I feel too old for this ****.

Can anyone relate? Advice?

Get to see your doctor soon. How many
Xanax you take a day and how long have
You been on them? If u have been on them
A long time u could suffer serious withdrawal
Which could cause a seizure. I take anywhere
From 3-4mg a day and I feel the withdrawal
Symptoms the next day when I don't take
Them on time. Best of luck to you.

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 07, 2013 at 11:32 PM

I guess that I just get frustrated because Ido a lot that isn't partying and rarely meet people that I like. I've been chilling and doing fun sober things with a guy that I'm interested in, but he is so flip floppy and hard to read so i can't tell if this is going to be a thing.

I don't really party a ton. That night was a fluke. I think that I was just stressed from school, my laptop breaking, and confusion with the guy.

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 07, 2013 at 11:33 PM

I'm seeing my therapist Wednesday.

Travelinglady · Apr 08, 2013 at 12:09 AM

I'm glad to hear you're seeing your therapist soon. I do hope you can find some other college activities, too. I know I was involved in some clubs, and that was nice. Alas, fraternities are bad news, because they tend to encourage partying, too much drinking, and even immature behavior. I know that's a stereotype, but stereotypes have a bit of truth sometimes.

henrydavidtherobot · Apr 08, 2013 at 01:50 AM

I'm super involved on campus here. I don't think the problem is that I drink, but that I hold myself to too high of standards and get mad at myself when I allow myself to act 22. Also, I think that the problem is that I do need to figure out what causes my impulsive moods.

allimsaying · Apr 08, 2013 at 03:57 AM

I read about your other activities and I think thats why Ive taken note of you on the boards. Ok, Im probably acting like a concerned parent to be honest. Its likely you are only stretching your wings and went a little too far with it this time. Learning boundaries. The impulsiveness might be coming from wanting to try new things, new people and finding out who you are. You mentioned your dad was kind of controlling so you've got new freedom in college to learn who you are inside and away from your dads control. Youve accomplished some pretty awesome things already and you're on a great track. Have fun. Just be careful.

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henrydavidtherobot Veteran Member Member Since Feb 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 748 11 126 hugs given	Apr 07, 2013 at 08:40 PM #8 What else should I do? I feel like staying in and not going out is a bad idea.
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henrydavidtherobot Veteran Member Member Since Feb 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 748 11 126 hugs given	Apr 07, 2013 at 11:33 PM #13 I'm seeing my therapist Wednesday.
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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 48,964 (SuperPoster!) 14 23.2k hugs given	Apr 08, 2013 at 12:09 AM #14 I'm glad to hear you're seeing your therapist soon. I do hope you can find some other college activities, too. I know I was involved in some clubs, and that was nice. Alas, fraternities are bad news, because they tend to encourage partying, too much drinking, and even immature behavior. I know that's a stereotype, but stereotypes have a bit of truth sometimes.
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henrydavidtherobot Veteran Member Member Since Feb 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 748 11 126 hugs given	Apr 08, 2013 at 01:50 AM #15 I'm super involved on campus here. I don't think the problem is that I drink, but that I hold myself to too high of standards and get mad at myself when I allow myself to act 22. Also, I think that the problem is that I do need to figure out what causes my impulsive moods.
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