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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2006
Location: Wasington State
Posts: 340
18 |
Aug 29, 2006 at 06:21 AM
#1
What tecnique I use to relax when, someone says a shocking, upsetting, thing to me or about me in public or in a group. When there is no place to hide from them what do I do? I bite my fingernails, I blush, I scratch my head. I crack my knuckles. I start turning colors and figit.... my mind goes to a sore place for a minute........derrr.., how do I cope? Humm, how to not lose it and start to yell, start to swing; what is it I can do next? ? ? ? I am in a sticky situation and for some reason, I can't run really quickly, but at the same time, I have to figure out what to do.....next.....; what next; lots of things are possible for me.....can I get some help here with this problem?? It can turn out good, very good, so so and rottenest. How can it be solved with what is on my plate and different situations can be different as well, but what kinds of possible outcomes can be come up with for me in these different instances of different dellemmas, what are some ideas for me to go through the ways it can turn out for me when I am in this kind of problem??
__________________ "How lovely is the hand of God that soothes the rough road man has trod" (from-Beside Still Waters-A Book by Raymond B. Walker) |
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Aug 29, 2006 at 07:53 AM
#2
1 way i use is to excuse myself and go to the wc, if i have no choice but to stay in the place, situation, it gives you time to calm yourself down, compose yourself, and come back out swinging.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2004
Posts: 1,563
20 
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Aug 29, 2006 at 08:43 AM
#3
That's a tough situation. If I can't excuse myself as mellors suggested, I try to at least get a drink of water or something. Otherwise, try to take a few deep breaths. I haven't tried this myself, but I think those types of situations might be helped if you have a standard response when someone says something shocking or offensive. Maybe something like, "Well that's certainly an interesting statement!" or "Wow". ????
Not that I'd remember it, but it might help. It would at least buy you time. gg __________________ Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2005
Location: Vermont
Posts: 1,529
18
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Aug 29, 2006 at 08:46 AM
#4
<font color="purple"> I excuse myself and call my husband... Hearing his voice calms me right down....
If I am not in a panic mode I will also just flat out tell the person that what they said has upset me and I am having difficultly handling the situation at that moment and that I need some time to process what they said and to let me have some alone time.... If what they said puts me into anxiety or panic I sometimes will tell that person exactly that and I will leave.... If I am already in that gotta run mode, I will do just that.... I will say I am leaving and go..... Other ways for me to relax myself in a situation regardless if its public or not are: *praying *counting *reciting a song *I can also separate myself from myself (dissociate) * Bite my nails * visualize I am at the ocean * hum </font> __________________ Melinda  Today, NOW! Is the time to tell that someone you love them.....  because tomorrow just might be too late! 
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
18 1 hugs
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Aug 29, 2006 at 08:52 AM
#5
I use a basic EMDR Method that my T taught me to help with crowd control.... starting with the left fist squeeze it ever so gently and then move the right fist and do the same.... REPEAT as often as needed going from left to right. This can be done with tapping the feet under a table as well or tapping the leg or knee.... always going left to right.
During the method - think good and calming thoughts while telling your self that you will OK - fine for the moment. LoVe, Rhapsody - |
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Elder
Member Since Jul 2006
Location: South Africa
Posts: 5,212
18
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Aug 30, 2006 at 11:20 AM
#6
That sounds like good advice... I am also stumped when it comes to calming myself invisibly amongst other people.
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2003
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 6,224
21
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Aug 30, 2006 at 11:32 AM
#7
I do yoga breathing. Seems to help, to some degree. I also do a mental "body scan" to just check in with myself to see what my physical reactions are to the situation. Then I breathe my way through them.
__________________ thatsallicantypewithonehand |
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Aug 30, 2006 at 04:15 PM
#8
music and relaxation tapes. I carry a walkman whereever I go and always have cassettes that I have recorded of my favorite CD's and my therapist and I also do relaxation visualizations during some of or sessions and we record them so I bring them with me too.
Journal writing - I always carry with me a notebook and something to write with no matter where I go. it comes in hand for running into a friend who needs my number, address, making appointments, or just those racing thoughts of mine. |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2005
Posts: 105
19 |
Aug 30, 2006 at 05:02 PM
#9
If I feel paniced or someone attacks me, I tend to go on the offensive. I try to play music in my head, songs that I have memorised. Visualising plan B or plan C. helps too.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2005
Location: WV
Posts: 8,131
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Aug 30, 2006 at 05:06 PM
#10
The thing I KNOW I do when in a stressful situation is talk too much, trying to bring about understanding or compromise, but usually end up compromising myself. I'm going to try the techniques suggested here!
Patty |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
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Aug 30, 2006 at 05:22 PM
#11
Mindfulness helps with these situations, imo. Focus on breath, don't hold it. Also, realize that what you've heard are "just" words. I try to step back and look at what was said. Is it one person's opinion? Could it be heresay? How does it really affect me? Would it normally be a funny thing if I weren't feeling offended, meaning, can I laugh at myself?
I think working with recognizing the cognitive distortions (a highlight of CBT) prevents many upsets. Seeing things in black and white context, or catastrophizing never helps a situation, imo. __________________ |
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