A Reintroduction

natani_girl · Jun 13, 2013, 09:10 PM

I'm sure you've all been wondering what I've been up to... heh, a lot. Things have changed a LOT, so this'll almost be a reintroduction.

So first things first.

A lot has happened since last year... Given last year was just, you know, the worst year of my life, I AM a lot more grounded now. My boyfriend's healthy again. Just had our 3 year anniversary! And I can see him everyday again.

Except for the summer, but hey, won't be too long.

But god, this school year was just horrid. I took on WAY harder course loads than I could normally handle. But I powered through, and got decent grades. Most of the time, I was too exhausted to do... much of anything else, really. I'd come home and... sleep, basically.

I've become a lot less social. Like, a LOT. Seldom hang out with many friends anymore... or talk to them, even. Mostly my boyfriend and his family. Been keeping my nose in my work and in coping strategies. But to be honest... I'm not that bothered by it. I could use a break. Not have to worry about other people's business... It's been a lot less stressful. And I could more than use some peace and quiet.

But I'm sure you want to know more about my mental health.

Not gonna lie, feel a lot better than last year. Yea, I've been super stressed and lethargic, but it's kinda kept my focus on moving forward and getting all my work done. My mind hasn't had the room to wander. Summer's here, so I've been able to crash a little... and I still feel okay, generally speaking.

But still, I guess I have a ways to go... There are still anxieties and frustrations. 'Bout family, society, life... you know. But when those emotions arn't provoked, it kinda feels like I have blinders... like there's a wall in my head that won't let me think about that stuff. Cuz I know if I do, I'll go out on a mental tangent and the emotions will just snowball into a big ugly scene... Have any of you felt something like that, btw?

Also worth mentioning is my Boyfriend actions about my mental health. He surprised me. HE came to me and said he thought I was depressed, since he's the one I talk to about all my emotions. And he's been the one pushing me to get help, not me. And this is a teenage boy we're talking about. This took me by surprise, since I thought he would be the last one to want me "labeled" as "unstable". But he's been more than supportive. In fact, he's been pushing me to talk to someone: my parents, his mom (who's like family to me), a therapist, whatever he can get me to do. And we've been doing all kinds of research into my symptoms and solutions. His concern, and acceptance, makes me feel so loved.

Funny how that situation actually gives me another dilemma. He wants me to get help ASAP, because he doesn't want to see me endure it anymore. But my agenda is to wait until next year, when I can move out and address the problems on my own watch and not have to involve my family. So we're still working on that debate...

Wow. Wall of text. I'll wrap it up here.

Gotta go study for finals anyway.