Desensitization?

Can anyone explain the process of desensitization? I want to try this technique on my own for a few of my fears. There are explanations online, but they always seem to get vague when describing relaxation techniques. Any advice would be appreciated.

Try checking out the following link. It's also known as conditioning...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desensi...on_(psychology)

Desensitization is just everything from relaxed to extreme fear, where you are trying to reduce the fear by going slowly and willfully up and down the scale so you control it. You don't necessarily have to start with specific relaxation techniques, use one that you do understand how to do? Whatever feels good/relaxing to you (I close my eyes and recall my special place inside I have created with my imagination, where I'm "warm, dry, and safe" :-)

Try to make a list of steps between the ground and your fear (up there in the middle of nowhere :-) If you were afraid of snakes, for example, one of the things you might think of was how scary it is to look at pictures of snakes. Or, go to a pet store or zoo and how close could you come to their cages or habitats, how long could you look, how many details could you see, etc. You'd put all the things you could think of that are more/less scary than one another for you and then put them in order of scariness.

In other words, I would just make a list of all things related to my fear and then rank order them. I also think of it as working on a goal rather than as a fear and it might help. Say you are afraid of public speaking and have to give a presentation at work to 20 people next Wednesday. First, put the fear in the form of a goal - specific, measurable, attainable, measurable, time-bound.

I would also change any language, for example I'd change the "have to make a presentation" to "want to". Word it to yourself as a personal challenge rather than something being imposed on you by someone/thing outside.

It's not your only choice; you could call out or go to your supervisor and say you could not/would not do it; you could quit your job, find one that didn't have such requirements; you could just tough it out, have a friend write the talk and make sure there were lots of charts/graphs; you could ask for a partner, make it a team project and not be the one to present, etc. But instead, you want to do this so you make it yours, take responsibility for it.

When thinking of steps to get from A to Z, think of any that are ones you don't mind, too. I write well and know I can create a fine presentation so that is not part of my fear? So, I use that as part of my "relaxation", doing the actual writing of the presentation. If I am getting anxious one of the steps near the bottom would be the writing/creating of the presentation.

Try to pair a fearful thought with a relaxing thought? "Everyone is going to stare at me" gets paired with, "I love the part of my presentation where I say, "Da dum, da dum, da dum". Remember the good stuff!

Even if you have to use the fact that at some point the presentation will be over and not hanging over your head, pair that with a part of your presentation where you get stuck, tongue tied.

I was on a panel before a roomful of educators telling my own story and forgot what I was going to say How can I forget my own history? But because of therapy and my own prep and history and the fact I had chosen to be there and would never see these particular people again, etc. I was able to repeat a thought I'd just said and then grab the continuation again, being aware of the other students next to me and how well/poorly the person who spoke before me had done and that there would be someone after me in the shoes I was in now. In other words, remember or figure out how to ground yourself if you get stuck.

But a presentation is kind of big. What about the "small" fears? I was afraid of talking on the telephone. It was heck because all my jobs required working in the front office and answering phones! I even had one job where I wasn't in the front office and did not have a phone in mine at all but had to relieve the receptionist when she went to lunch sometimes. The first time I did that; our association took up an entire City building floor and the elevator dinged for our floor and I picked up the phone and tried to answer it

One can apply the same principles. Make it a goal to be more comfortable with phones and give yourself a date. Figure out the "parts", what exactly makes your afraid and what is easier. If someone I knew called on the phone and I recognized the voice, that was more comfortable. Well, that's good! I'm not afraid of everyone on the phone, just people I don't know and, sometimes, people I'm not afraid of call.

I listened to a coworker of mine who worked in the front office with me talking to her mother on the phone one day and she was very patient, didn't get into arguments, etc. with her difficult mother. I paid a lot of attention because I wanted to be like her when I was on the phone with my mother. I got a lot of "tips" listening to her, her tone of voice, what she said, how she said it, etc. and afterwards I told her what I had done and how I admired her and we discussed talking to mothers on the phone. Think about that; it not only helped me talk to my mother on the phone but I also had someone who I wanted to be like, talking on the phone in general!

So, when I got a call on the phone, I could now do a "What would Debby say?" I could do that in two ways; what would she say to the caller and what would she say to me, coaching and encouraging me. When you are afraid, just think of someone you love who loves you or that you are at least comfortable with and imagine them either on the other end or next to you encouraging you.

Write down everything you can about your fear, everything. The more you understand, the more concrete it is, the more orderly and step-by-step you can make it look, the easier it is to work on?

here in NY this is just a foot long word that means exposure therapy....exposing yourself on purpose to things you fear at your own rate until these things/events/ situations no longer cause you anxiety /fear/triggering reactions in you.

example someone afraid of dogs would purposely expose their self to a dog for as long as they can stand it and then back off and do it again, over and over again until they no longer fear dogs.

I'm trying to get over things that trigger my jealousy. Tried this yesterday but it's just too hard.

every once in a while ill listen to the voices in my head. one day I was cleaning the floor and a funnel spider ran out and stopped right in front of me. I have a pretty healthy fear of spiders. I jumped back and one of the voices said "listen". I was like no way.....but I looked at the spider and it would not move...it sat there for a few minutes in the middle of the floor under bright lights vulnerable. I reluctantly put my hand down in front of it. the voice said "listen". so I quieted my fear down by focusing on my hand and not the spider. as soon as I did that the black blotch moved and I felt apprehensive again. so I calmed down again and focused on my hand. as soon as I did the spider came up to my hand and touched it with it two front legs and walked away.

My T did exposure therapy with me. I lasted 3 sessions. He says it is supposed to take the charge out of the disturbing memory. Well I was a wreck between sessions instead. More anxious, more bulimic, more suicidal thoughts. He says it gets worse before it gets better. EMDR did the trick on the bad memories. Now they do not constantly loop around in my head.

Desensitization or exposure therapy can be really triggering, it can also be really healing. If you're going to do it I suggest at least being in contact with some sort of professional who is familiar with it. When it comes to something like jealousy, jealousy is a tricky thing. What helped me ultimately overcome relationship-wrecking jealousy last year was really kind of hammering it home that jealousy is a feeling, and everybody has it. I always used to assume that I was the only one and I was this petty, insecure, ridiculous person who wasn't worth the ground I stood on and that I should just shrivel up and die. Everything made me jealous or envious. But it helps to face it and be honest about it. That won't make it go away overnight or anything, oh no it won't. But it's a good start.
One of the best things I ever did for my jealousy was just stick around no matter how beaten down I felt by it. When I entered this relationship with my partner I felt jealous about everything: who she talked to, how many friends she had on fb, who was texting her, how she looked in a dress (way better than me of course), how short or long the dress was, how sexy she was, how confident she was. I was constantly suspicious. And so many times I just kept getting defeated, thinking, What's the point, I'm never going to get over this. I may as well just give up. But I knew that beyond what I was feeling this was an amazing relationship and I had finally met someone who loved me for me, saw me for who I was (even more than I can do with myself) and loved me BECAUSE of who I was, not in SPITE of who I was. So I stuck it out. I talked to so many people. What's jealousy to you? I would ask. When do you have it? How do you get over it? And I realized that even people I have always seen as confident, well-adjusted, sexy people with total control over their lives and destinies experience jealousy.
But for the longest time it was crippling. I would have to cancel plans to go out with her places because the idea of having to be in situations where my jealousy and insecurity would be triggered was just too much. And I know I hurt her feelings, and I hurt myself as well, but that's where I was at the time. But at some point, I can't tell you exactly when, it just stopped. All of it just stopped. I don't feel jealous anymore. She can talk to whoever she wants to, though sometimes I still feel a twinge of suspicion (I also have baggage from past relationships and my upbringing, which I also have to be honest about and own). She can wear what she wants. She can go where she wants. I don't feel threatened by everything all the time.
I don't know what the answer is for you. Jealousy's a tough one, I know from personal experience. It's possible though. Hang in there and just keep talking about it if you can.