Hello

So I have recently begun psychotherapy again and I am digging into my past.

I think my parents are to blame for everything. They have said and done some unnecessary things such as beat me and tell me hurtful lies and humiliate me in front of others and all this from a young age .

I wish I realised sooner how abnormal they both were. Even now I wonder what it would be like to have had some healthy parenting

[Piraeus]

My mom has been the cause of a lot of my depression. She is always so negative.
She was abused when she was a kid, so now she is doing the same thing to me. She
can't stop. Or should I say, she won't stop. I am an adult, so I don't have to hear her anymore. I can make up my own mind.I want to break the cycle of hate. I have a daughter, and I treat her much better than I was treated. I tell her every day that I love her. She knows I care deeply for her. I'm sorry that those things happened to you. Now all you have to do is decide if you are going to let those things eat away at you. It's time to move on. I hope I may have been of some help. If anything I understand what you have gone through.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

[kirby777]

IT,

I blame my mother, and my last T agreed! She felt I was suffering from childhood trauma. My father died when I was 11, and I felt like an orphan...I ceased to exist to my mother..No affection, no attention, no approval, nothing except food. She called me a "*****" when I was 14...I had yet to even kiss a boy. Even as an adult, she has said..."It was your fault you were raped". "you asked for it"...etc. So my then T said I have to parent the 11 yr old Kirby.

I am an only child! She even has plotted against me now to remove me from inheriting anything from her~My reply-Go for it...I want to meet your heir! She HATES me.

[Gus1234U]

i have become grateful for the skills i learned to survive the beatings and abuses of my childhood. i find it does no good to assign blame, but only to look for the little gifts hidden in the pain. a positive outlook is something no one can take from you~!



all things in their season ~

It's okay to blame your parents. They probably are to blame. But that insight is only as useful as you make it. You have to work with the insight. You can only use it as an excuse/cause for a limited amount of time.

[Arha]

I felt that way too. I can trace a lot of my issues to my parents behaviour when I was young.
I have changed from saying I blame them to saying that what they did affected me in this way, and led to this result: my issues with anxiety, depression, and self esteem.
I can also see that they worried about me, that they cared, and that they wanted to help, even though they did not know how.
I can see they were not in a great state to be parents back then. I can see that they had problems themselves. I wish I had come to realise this while they were alive, but I don't know whether that would have meant I could have talked to them about it. It would have been really hard.

Now that I have this understanding, I have to learn new ways of dealing with things. It is hard, but worth working for.

[tinyrabbit]

In therapy I have started to see that my parents didn't give me what I needed, so I lack certain things eg self-esteem. I don't think that's going to expire with time, or that it's an excuse. It's just a fact. At some point it will hopefully change from current to past but it's going to take a long time and a lot of work.

My parents messed me up in so many ways. They taught me that my feelings were not acceptable and didn't matter, and they taught me to accept and tolerate whatever happened to me. It frustrates me that I'm having to undo this.

[MotownJohnny]

Ah, dear old dad. Let's see, a cross-dresser with a penchant for guns and knives who cut us off from the outside world in every way possible, forbid my mother from seeing her family to the extent that I have about 30 cousins I don't know. Accused my mother of being a "lying w****" who slept with 20 or more men every day while he was at work. I used to have to rake our gravel drive every day just before he got home from work because if there were tire tracks all Hell broke loose. Denied paternity, told my mother he knew the milk man fathered me. Held my mom at knifepoint once for about an hour while he told her to "confess" them cut her throat enough to draw a little blood as a "warning". Pinned me down a few times as a teenager with the business end of a loaded rifle while berating my masculinity and saying he would kill me except I wasn't worth going to prison over. Had a sexual thing with his own mother, I believe, or she with him, then when I was a teen started to tell people my mom and I had sex, which hurt me really deeply and made me wish he would die a particularly gruesome death. Violent temper, flew off the handle at anything, once broke out some windows in a rage because my mother put malt vinegar on her fried fish after he forbid it.

Nah, dad couldn't possibly have contributed to my C-PTSD, now could he? I think it's actually quite a testament to both my long-suffering mother, who was too afraid to leave but did her best to raise me not to be like him, and to my own inner strength, that I turned out pretty well, highly functional in the real world and a nice guy, lastbsummer's total meltdown not withstanding.

[lizardlady]

IT, when I was in therapy my T accused me of blaming other people for my problems. Maybe I was, but I didn't think I was. Part of the process of healing for me was to recognize that the things that happened to me were not acceptable. I also had to learn it was OK to be mad about what happened to me. It was only after I recognized what happened was wrong AND thaty I could be angry about it that I could start to heal and move forward. As I healed I reached the same conclusion as Gus. Those events should not have happened, but they made me stronger. They taught me survival skills.

A lot of people view those with DID as "broken" people. Personally I think we are incredible survivors. We found a way to survive circumstances that could have killed us.

[amoeba86]

I don't like my mom at all. She constantly puts me down and is a very anxious person, she has a serious anxiety problem that she never took the time to adress and is in constant denial about herself. I feel that I was unable to get through school because my parents always arguing and fighting with one another and my family.