[SimpleCook42]

Hi to anyone reading this,

I am new to the forum and I am writing on here mostly to get this down on some sort of writing and also to see if there is anyone out there that might have dealt with something similar.

I have been plagued with anxiety my entire life though I did not know what it really was until I got older. I have always sadly looked at the negative side of things before the positive and for the longest time I was convincing myself that it was just me being logical to certain situations and not getting my hopes up over anything. But as time has gone on it has gotten worst and worst. It feels now like there are two personalities inside my head. One is just the regular me but the other seems to be something evil that just continues to mock me and what I do or when I make mistakes especially. It is like a small voice just constantly calling me a failure and bringing up times that I made a fool of myself or did something wrong even if it is something I did when I was a child.

The worst part of this is that it is now starting to manifest into some pretty weird things that I seem to have no control over. My biggest fear right now which happens more and more often because of the financial situation I am in and also because I have a baby on the way (my 1st) is that my brain will somehow rationalize that I should sell my soul to the devil to make my problems go away and I fear that if I do not constantly say no to that voice everytime it asks if I would like too that I will end up doing that and my life will forever be ruined by it. I have no idea why my biggest fear is this right now but I am finding myself more and more just constantly repeating no in my head. I am getting quite sick of it and I am trying right now to seek professional help but I just needed somewhere to talk and I have no idea where to turn.


Thank you for listening.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are going through so much while being pregnant, too. I'm glad you are seeking professional help. I have not experienced what you are talking about but have suffered from depression for many years, but it sounds like you may be depressed and there can be psychosis with depression. I can't diagnosis since I'm not a professional but you definitely need to check into it. Hope you get better soon.
Gayle

[jeppys]

I've had bad voices tell me to do some horrible things to myself and I did. the best anyone can really do in your situation is to listen to the good voice.

[spondiferous]

I agree. Listen to the good voice, and get help. Especially if you're pregnant. Pregnancy can cause or worsen MH symptoms. You should try to stay on top of it, as much as it's in your power to control. I know it isn't always, and that it can be difficult.

[MoxieDoxie]

Self-Therapy for Your Inner Critic: Transforming Self Criticism into Self-Confidence: Jay Earley, Bonnie Weiss: 9780984392711: Amazon.com: Books

My T suggested I get this book.

[voicesinmyhead2]

Originally Posted by jeppys

I've had bad voices tell me to do some horrible things to myself and I did. the best anyone can really do in your situation is to listen to the good voice.

My meds and therapy helped me slow this problem a bit. I find when I'm really stressed that it happens more. I pray alot to stop it. I hope you get better really soon.

[Jolisse]

Hi Simplecook,
I know what you're feeling, I've been dealing with debilitating anxiety for years.
Anxiety can put some nasty thoughts in your head, but realize you're not thinking rationally.
My thoughts become so jumbled, sometimes I don't know what's real and what isn't.
I think seeking professional help would be beneficial for you. There are many ways to control your anxiety. Right now, it seems you're in a never ending cycle. Your anxiety is creating even more anxiety, eventually you don't know what the heck is going on.
Please seek help, I can almost guarantee it will help you.