[the sad queen]

i am new here, i hope my English isn't that bad. i just want write everything i feel, because i think its all related to what i feel now.
i am normal 17 years old girl living good happy life, i am religiousness and i know god makes whats better. i just have some problems figuring out a normal good life, without confusion, black and white thoughts.
it seems like recently my thoughts starts lagging on certain sad moments, or its me who made it sad moments, it brings pain to me. i live in Egypt, i used to go to Saudi Arabia at holiday because my father used to work there, thats where i felt a little relived, my dad lost his job so i live in Egypt now. now i keep remembering my days in Saudi and start feeling sad. i lost my appetite, and feel stuck.
i think having a friend to speak with can make feel better, but i am not social person its not easy for me to have friend, go out. well i have few friends but i am the one who always starts speaking if i didn't they wont bother speaking with me, i don't want to bother them by speaking and waste their time if they dont want to speak with me, so i end up having black and white thoughts about them, sometimes i give name and speak with my stuff like my mobile to make me relived.
all i do now at holiday is just spending my time doing my hobbies, i have alot hobbies and this makes me ensure what i should pick from them, i tried to pick but i failed and no one mentor me, so anything takes my attention i pick it and add it to my hobbies, i love art, music, books, writing, studying random things.
at school i just study and do what i can as something i have to do, not something i want, because i feel like what ever i do and how much i study, i wont reach what i want, especially in my country.
i don't have depression at all, i am just in complete confusion and having black and white thoughts in everything, i might have delusional problem that effects too. i just feel like something suffocating me.
i know praying is the best thing, but is there anything i can do with praying to make me feel better?

[kaliope]

hi mamerala
Welcome to Psych Central. You will find several forums where you can post your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get lots of support here. Again, welcome.