Trigger vs a genuine will to help

Edda · Sep 20, 2013 at 11:28 AM

I wonder if any of you are having this problem regularly.

I often find myself relating very strongly to a post, having genuine feelings of compassion and wanting to contribute. Yet when I start writing a reply I just get badly triggered - so much so that I have to abandon the venture and I end up never replying to a poster who I actually want to support.

Anyone in the same shoes?

Any way to get over it?

sabby · Sep 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM

((((((( Edda )))))))

I think that is something that happens to a lot of members at times. Remember that the best thing for you to do is your best self care. Maybe you need to step away from what has triggered you on PC and do some self searching and figuring out why it triggered you. Maybe then you can work through it to the point of being able to support someone.

If that doesn't work for you, maybe you can just send a hug or even the words, "I understand", if you can manage that. Those things can go far to a member who is struggling.

Please don't get down on yourself for going through this. It happens to us at times. No one can be everything to everybody. All you can do is the best you can do and I don't think anyone here would fault you for doing your self care.

Would it feel safer and less triggering for you to send a pm to a member to support them instead of posting publicly on the forum? I don't know if that would work for you, but it's definitely an option to think about and try.

Just know that we are all trying to do the best we can do.

Edda · Sep 20, 2013 at 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabby

((((((( Edda )))))))

I think that is something that happens to a lot of members at times. Remember that the best thing for you to do is your best self care. Maybe you need to step away from what has triggered you on PC and do some self searching and figuring out why it triggered you. Maybe then you can work through it to the point of being able to support someone.

If that doesn't work for you, maybe you can just send a hug or even the words, "I understand", if you can manage that. Those things can go far to a member who is struggling.

Please don't get down on yourself for going through this. It happens to us at times. No one can be everything to everybody. All you can do is the best you can do and I don't think anyone here would fault you for doing your self care.

Would it feel safer and less triggering for you to send a pm to a member to support them instead of posting publicly on the forum? I don't know if that would work for you, but it's definitely an option to think about and try.

Just know that we are all trying to do the best we can do.

Thank you so much, sabby...

You see; I do take care of myself. For example, I just do not visit the Survivors of Abuse section.
I just feel somewhat heavy-hearted at times, simply because I am expecting support and understanding here while I am mostly crippled and unable to provide the same support to others.

I doubt that I would find PM-ing any easier than replying to a thread.

Thank you so much, though.

MoxieDoxie · Sep 20, 2013 at 01:37 PM

This happens to me and I realize that it is going to turn into a rant instead of being supportive...I delete the whole thing and give up. Also I can not get my thoughts done into a cohesive sentence. Then I also think about the judgmental replies and that stops me.

Travelinglady · Sep 20, 2013 at 02:41 PM

Sometimes just stopping reading when the post gets to be too much is the best approach for me. And I might post a ((( ))) and a hug smilie.....

MoxieDoxie · Sep 20, 2013 at 02:43 PM

I also can not seem to read long posts if it is more than a small paragraph.

A Red Panda · Sep 21, 2013 at 12:57 PM

If I find something feels really personal...I'll just click 'hug'. Sometimes I'll go back to it later after I've left it absorb and then I'll make a post.

healingme4me · Sep 21, 2013 at 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Edda

I wonder if any of you are having this problem regularly.

I often find myself relating very strongly to a post, having genuine feelings of compassion and wanting to contribute. Yet when I start writing a reply I just get badly triggered - so much so that I have to abandon the venture and I end up never replying to a poster who I actually want to support.

Anyone in the same shoes?

Any way to get over it?

I get that way sometimes. I used to be somewhere other than PC, and it dealt with mental health issues. And spent years there, and I would sometimes, not reply, and sometimes I would.

The fact that you can sit and read and get to the point, of wanting to say something, says a lot about you

Sounds, like you want to work through this, because you are asking how to get over it(or I personally like, saying, getting through it). I find, it's OK and appropriate to be honest and upfront, and say hey, this is triggering for me, or difficult for me, but I want I want to reply.

It's ok, to sometimes, bring up your own story to relate and identify. There's really no right or wrong way to bring support to the table. Sort of like an in person support group, where people are sharing stories, in order to help others reach a level of clarity or to even reach clarity in oneself, type of style, approach.

Baby steps, is a good way to sort through this. Sounds like you want to give it a try, why not?

Fuzzybear · Sep 21, 2013 at 01:48 PM

Wren_ · Sep 22, 2013 at 01:50 AM

Edda, I have the same thing happening at times ... where I get triggered myself when trying to reply or the words disappear even though I know what it is I want to say. Sometimes it takes me several attempts at writing before I can press the post reply with times of leaving the post between each attempt and other times I have to just step away from it (and as others have said the thanks and hugs button can be helpful then). Not sure about ways to get over it exactly; but maybe noticing what it is that is triggering us about the posts and continuing our own work on those areas can help over time

possum220 · Sep 22, 2013 at 06:15 AM

Same thing here edda. There are times when I really want to support some-one. But I get triggered and i delete the post and run away. If the post is a large one it can also overwhelm me so my intentions are of no use.

Try not to feel bad. There will be times when you can respond and encourage a person often supporting a person is letting them know they are not alone.

MarlboroChick · Sep 23, 2013 at 09:36 PM

Yes. I usually want to try and help but in the end i just cant piece together a reply that would be useful in any way.

Sep 24, 2013 at 06:51 AM

Yes I have this problem! I can never get the right words out in the way I mean, then I get more stressed and either post it when its not exactly what I mean or I delete the whole lot.

Edda · Sep 24, 2013 at 10:50 AM

Thank you, all. It is by no means an easy issue.
In many ways I feel somewhat crap because I doubt I can respond to everything that has been said here.

I must quote this line though;

Quote:

Originally Posted by possum220

If the post is a large one it can also overwhelm me so my intentions are of no use.

I think this is what it boils down to.

That my intentions are of no use.

It is kind of sad but true.

It is kind of inevitable.

gayleggg · Sep 24, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I've had this problem, too. I'll start a reply, then get lost and just delete the whole thing. Usually, just add a hug. Sometimes I can come back later and post a reply when my head is in a different place.

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Trigger vs a genuine will to help

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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 49,204 (SuperPoster!) 14 23.3k hugs given	Sep 20, 2013 at 02:41 PM #5 Sometimes just stopping reading when the post gets to be too much is the best approach for me. And I might post a ((( ))) and a hug smilie.....
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,467 (SuperPoster!) 22 81.4k hugs given	Sep 21, 2013 at 01:48 PM #9 __________________
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Anonymous200280 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 24, 2013 at 06:51 AM #13 Yes I have this problem! I can never get the right words out in the way I mean, then I get more stressed and either post it when its not exactly what I mean or I delete the whole lot.
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