New psychiatrist in the morning.
Sixty minute evaluation.
Very frightening dreams most of last night through to this morning; now the nightmare is the fear of the new pdoc- I am an absolute child like that.
Trying to talk my way out of that absurdity but again-for now at least- cant really sleep.
Um.

<forrestforrestgump> that's all I have to say about that </forrestforrestgump>

...he's going to help me get to my new pdoc tomorrow morning, apperantly.
I mean, everyone always says it's important to have imaginary friends. I think they mean when you are five, but if it is getting me there... I just won't mention it at the appointment

[Wren_]

looks like a great companion to take with you to the new pdoc appointment

[LadyShadow]

I know its scary. I'm glad you have a companion even though its imaginary, he will help you get through it. Just take it easy and try and get some rest. Best of luck for you tomorrow.

RE: Appointment.

Hopefully I'll be able to write a detailed run-down on my blog, but here's some indication of how it went:

There was a psychmed student there [which I have no problem with really, I'm kind of used to it by now, and by the time they get to sitting in on and taking part in psych appointments they've gotten pretty far in schooling, so it's not generally a huge issue].

Both the doctor and the student were friendly and receptive.
We just kind of went over, basically, a narrative of what lead me to the office- which I'd never actually done before?

Usually it feels like some bizarre combination of auto auction/miss america event/interrogation.

You are supposed to not crack under the pressure but still have very bizarre questions thrown at you from someone you don't know, smiling a "supposed to be comforting and warm" smile that is actually neither, while sort of exchanging superficial pleasantries then halfway through everyone remembers why you are there and it's suddenly time to popYou are a car and things have become uncomfortable as you listen to yourself unpack all your parts: your wiring and fuses spark, you realize the ticking sound has stopped because you see your alternator is now on the floor, your belts come out, you realize you are essentially out of coolant and is it hot in here?
Now you barely have energy to walk out the door when they say "It was nice to meet you, see you next time".

...but I digress [in a major way], and perhaps that is just my usual experience of initial appointments with mental health providers.

back to the point.

This was more as though I was telling a story of important events on a timeline and filling in the details and then relevant questions were asked to provide whatever information I didn't.

Also- she asked at one point: "have you ever heard of DBT?"

"...yeeess?"

"Would you ever consider exploring that as part of a treatment plan?"

As a note: I have been trying to get into a DBT program pretty much since I moved to the area, three years ago. When i was with my last psychiatrist, at a fairly respectable organization, they wouldn't take me because I am not officially diagnosed with a personality disorder. Even so, I have held for a very long time that I would benefit greatly from DBT specifically and she agreed. Even with calling around, many of the programs tend to give priority to those diagnosed with PDs over mood disorders or any other DX. And that makes sense, given that the method was originally developed to address issues most pressing for those individuals. In recent years, however, it has been demonstrated that DBT can really be applied in various ways to many different individuals and be as helpful.


So when she asked if i would consider it... I at first kind of wasn't sure if I should laugh or do a whole palm to the forehead thing.
I just kind of said "Sure, that actually sounds like a good idea"

So.
Other things.
But tired and I keep forgetting what I'm about to do and rambling already and now have to fill out this massive packet of information.

Thanks for the encouragement, guys.