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Ihani
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Default Oct 08, 2013 at 09:38 PM
  #1
Hi! I haven't been on in a while. I'm Hayden, I'm 15, and recently I've been diagnosed with both OCD and claustrophobia. In my therapy session today my dad brought up the fact that I can't stand being touched by people. It had never really bothered me before but my therapist and father think it's anxiety related. I, however, tend not to think so. Four years ago I used to have moderate anxiety problems, the peak of them being the time I barely ate for three weeks straight, but nowadays nothing anxiety-related ever really happens to me too often (i.e. a panic attack every few months).

Today when my therapist was asking me about it, he would scooch in every so often until he got to a point where I was so uncomfortable I laughed and cried for a minute straight until he moved because I almost hit him in the face trying to push him away from me (embarrassing, egh). Now that I'm home, I decided to look this topic up again, as I have before. I've stumbled across multiple things, such as SPD and so on, but my main question I guess is whether or not this is anxiety-related. My therapist had brought up other explanations, but unfortunately I can't remember them clearly because I was still trying to calm down from my laughing/crying fit.

Here's a list of things I feel:
  • First off, when somebody gets too close to me, I feel just really uncomfortable. Like the discomfort you would feel if you were in the middle of an awkward silence or in a room full of people you don't know.
  • Hugging I'm okay with in certain cases. Usually it's more when I'm initiating the hug more than anything.
  • In fact, I'm okay with touching people (as in touching their hair, nose, skin, etc. in purely platonic ones) but I'm almost completely turned away from people touching me. I hate holding hands, I hate hugging (most times), and I most of all can't stand kissing. The sound of lips kissing makes my skin crawl and I just don't find touching others necessary.
  • You touch my butt, you will die. I'm sorry this is so curt, but no. Don't do that.
  • I don't like being within a two feet of anybody that isn't a close family member or a close friend.
  • My claustrophobia makes it difficult to be with crowds sometimes. There's been times I was close to passing out, not to mention how close everybody is.
  • I also have a really, really hard time looking people in the eye if I haven't known you for a long time or really well.
  • I guess I'll start throwing in stuff that may possibly be SPD related (I'm so sorry if I sound self-diagnosing or anything, I try my best not to be). I'm very ticklish, as in you can tickle literally every part of my body (something I found out the very, very hard way) and because of it I despise being tickled. I will be upset with you if you do.
  • I move around a lot. I'm always picking up stuff and spinning it in my hands. I sometimes don't even notice I do it. I also play with my hair all the time and my leg always jiggles. I've gotten in trouble for the latter SO many times. And one last thing: I have a problem with never being able to sit still in my seat. My dad got on to me today because I kept moving in my therapist's chair (e.g. sliding down the seat, jumping back up, bringing my legs to my chest, etc. all within one minute of the last position I was in) and pushing a stool back and forth with my foot.
  • Sitting through classes and sermons are not fun. I'm a great student, only I get unfocused very, very fast and if I try sitting still I start falling asleep.
  • In addition, the only time I'm ever standing still is in marching band when we're at attention. Otherwise, I'm always swaying. In jazz band, this has proved beneficial; in debate, I was always knocked down points because I was always moving when I talked.
  • I can't STAND doing messy things. Gloves are my friends.
  • I get very sick after smelling a good number of scents. Candle stores, lotion stores, and perfume departments are my kryptonite.
  • I'm usually very very upbeat or very slow and low energy. There's barely an in between moment.
  • Groups make me nervous. I hide from house guests and avoid parties as much as possible.
  • My mom has told me for years I have very sensitive ears.
  • I can never speak at the right volume and I'm had speech problems since I learned how to talk.
  • I become waaay too engrossed with things and I run into a lot of stuff. It's rather embarrassing (as in I was trying to walk across the library and somehow I managed to run into a desk and door in that one walk out). I also lose my balance a lot of no apparent reason.
  • Singing has always helped me focus. I used to get in trouble in elementary school for humming too loudly a lot.
  • If you mess up my schedule, I will get really freaked out.
  • I never manage to get stuff done that I want to do ever. Decision-making is also difficult at times.
  • I'm very stubborn and really, really controlling (hey, nobody does it right, but that's probably my neurotic perfectionism speaking). I also DESPISE working in groups.
  • I'm also really impatient. I get very, very angry over a lot of stuff (I'm frustrated on a continuous basis, not exaggerating) and a bit of a sore loser.
  • I have a very hard time make friends and relating to people.
  • And last but not least, I have OCD, phobias, and panic attacks.

Sorry that was so long! Thanks for any feedback I get! I was thinking of possibly bringing this up with my therapist next time.
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Default Oct 09, 2013 at 07:02 AM
  #2
Well, one thing I noticed is you seem to be really intelligent. Seriously, most adults can't write as well as you posted.

From what I've noticed over the years, kids that are really smart tend to have things figured out before the teacher finishes or the problem is completely described. Essentially, you know the answer before the other person is done asking the question. Then you get bored and fidgety. Thus you start moving around because your mind is on its way to whatever you notice next. (It's not ADHD, but that you've already figured out X and are on your way to Y.)

You do seem to have some OCD type of symptoms and much of the impatience and other things are probably related to is. Personally, that's the area I would focus on with your therapist.

And for what it's worth, I don't like being touched either. Probably has to do with my Schizoid antisocial disorder (and maybe a Sociopathic). Personal space bubbles unite! Wait ... no!
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Default Oct 09, 2013 at 07:41 AM
  #3
Personal space is personal space. Its where you can feel some kind of sense of yourself. I hate it when people get inside my space. Personally I think your therapist was very inconsiderate to put you through that. You deserve an apology.

The general population is a mix of like to be touched and don't like to be touched so you aren't alone in that.

I have issues with being touched/hugged. I am working on it with my therapist. He asks first if I want a hug. At the start my body would spasm. Pretty crappy. Even now it will sometimes happen but more often now its kind of safe. Sometimes now I will say no. But its always my choice.

I think it would be a good thing to set boundaries with your therapist and get them to ask if it is safe to come close. That might help you in the long term to build up trust. Its okay to ask for what you need.
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Default Oct 09, 2013 at 10:52 AM
  #4
Some people are just extra sensitive. It doesn't have to be a symptom. It can be normalized if you allow it. Even though I have Asperger's syndrome I feel like many of my so called aspie behaviors are normal, it is just that the framework is too tight. It seems like it takes more and more from a person to be "normal". Normal these days = happy, outgoing, focused, energetic, smart, social, insensitive (to impression etc). For those who are not ALL of them, there is a diagnosis it seems.

I'm not saying diagnoses are bad. I'm just against narrowing down "normal" to an absurd.

There is a "thing" called HSP, Highly sensitive person. he beauty of it is it is a sort of framework for something that is not a disorder. It is having a neurological setup that increases sensitivity compared to others. 1 in 5 might be HSP or have traits of it. The neurology behind it is that we have mental "filters" and some have thinner filters. The sensitivity can take many forms. Some are more socially sensitive (can't stand conflict, might be shy or quiet, easily hurt, tired after socializing), some are more conscientious and careful (and sensitive to stress and danger) and some are prominently sensitive to sensation (loud noises, strong smells, touch etc). To be considered HSP you need several traits of sensitivity.

But even if you only have a few and you find it unusual it is really in the same category as HSP. It is "normal". If something bothers you to cause you severe issues you can maybe think in the terms of a proper diagnosis. Sometimes the issues come from society and then you can argue "who's" disordered. I still think it really is not YOU. Society is so hostile to sensitivity that the word sensitive even sets off bad feelings in people. Sensitive is bad bad!

The matter of pathologizing has to be individual. It is about where you want to draw the line. Just low latent inhibition is not a disorder in itself. It can however be underneath several disorders. For example I don't think you actually CAN have OCD without having LLI. There will always be a grey area between normal and disorder and always a spectrum spanning into what is seen as normal as well.

All my family are HSP and I am AS. You can debate if they have autistic traits or if I'm at least partly normal. Because we do have a lot in common. Just a matter of perspective.

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Default Oct 09, 2013 at 12:04 PM
  #5
I agree with Webgoji, you seem brilliantly talented and you articulate yourself very well. I don't like being touched by strangers and I have about a 5 foot circle around myself at all times in my boundary zone, when a stranger gets in my "bubble" either I will move out of it, (flee the scene) or I start using defensive body language. I thought that was pretty normal though? If you don't like being touched, I don't think thats a problem, its just smart. Good luck to you my friend.
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Default Oct 09, 2013 at 02:51 PM
  #6
i don't like being touched either- in fact the only time i really allow it is if it's for a purpose... like someone wants to give me something, or maybe for a small hug- but not too often
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Default Oct 09, 2013 at 04:42 PM
  #7
Thanks for your feedback, everyone. I thought it seemed normal, so I'm not too concerned about it. If anything, I'm just annoyed at the fact everybody seems to think everything I dislike doing is because of "anxiety" (read: my father).
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Default Oct 10, 2013 at 02:59 AM
  #8
Ihani, I enjoyed reading your post because you wrote it so well and because I could certainly identify with one or two things there.

I detest being touched by anyone other than my husband and even he doesn't casually touch me because he knows I'd rather not be touched. My son takes sadistic delight in touching my face despite my total loss of temper and control when he does. Besides, his fingers and nails are always filthy.

My skin crawls at the the thought of touching other people and hugs are hard for me to give, especially to strangers.

I too am claustrophobic but perhaps not on the level that you are. I just hate confined spaces and crowds and feel claustrophobic if there is too much going on around me, including noise.

It is lonely to be like this sometimes but as Possum said, your personal space is your personal space. I just wish others would respect that.

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Default May 12, 2023 at 10:24 PM
  #9
Being touchy doesn't seem to be that uncommon. I can't stand people touching me. The reasons vary from person to person. For me it's probably related to being physically hurt so much during childhood. I wonder what psychologists would say.
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Default May 13, 2023 at 02:22 PM
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I don't like being touched either. Some people offer hugs to me but I prefer to not have them. I would say something like, "I'd love to but I don't feel comfortable with hugging". I don't give out hugs myself, except if I feel way too good because someone did something for me that seemed heroic. But that's rare.
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Default May 21, 2023 at 06:49 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by nichinneta View Post
I am autistic and I can't stand being touched too.
I rarely accept physical contact and only from people very close to me.
Same here! I don't mind a quick hug from a relative or friend I know, but anyone else freaks me out. Ain't no reason to be pawing all over me and you don't know me.

Oh, and those cheek kisses from aunts and what... (I can't find the puke emoticon....but PUKE!)
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