[whoswho]

This will probably be kind of long, so I'll apologize in advance. I've been an on-and-off member, although am currently considered as some kind of "success story." I was in therapy for a number of years, had frequent visits to the hospital, and was on a lot of different medications all with very limited results. I was labeled as a chronic case and given just about every diagnosis imaginable. In the last year or so, I've managed to get off meds, stay out of the hospital, and lead a relatively functional life. There are still a lot of things I need to work on, but am generally considered as "recovered" as far as severe mental illness is concerned.

However, I can't help but to feel that even though I've made some progress, I am still inadequate as a person. There is a large gap between who I actually am and who I want to be. I spend so much time trying to make myself a better person--a likeable person--and have met with some success, but not really enough to feel worthwhile. I feel like I have a lot of time to make up for, for all of those years that were "wasted" in my dysfunctional, depressive state. Instead of thinking I am the absolute lowest life form on the planet, I consider myself to be... pretty mediocre. I suppose that this is an improvement, but I don't want to settle for a mediocre life.

I've run into some hangups recently and am feeling a lot worse than normal. I can't help but feeling a little worried when my mood takes a sudden nosedive just because I know how bad things can get. I guess I just want a little encouragement and support that I'm actually making progress and I won't be stuck here forever. I just need to feel excited about life again... Thanks.

[Ash89]

First I'd like to congratulate you for your progress thus far. It sounds like you're doing much better for yourself and you're managing your depression much better. That being said.I feel your pain. There are times I sit there and compare who I am now to who I want to be. It's so easy to focus just on that and not how we ARE on the road to being that person.

Dwelling in the past doesn't help us. It's something I am all too guilty of. If we ARE going to think back like that, instead of having regrets we should try to view it in a positive light by comparing then and now. Now we are better off. I understand where you're coming from, I really really do. I'm glad to find your post because I needed to remind myself of these things too.

It's okay to slow down here and.there, the path to success is never a straight line like we've been lead to believe. A few hiccups in the road are nothing to be ashamed of. You have come a long long way, don't hinder yourself with self doubt.

Hugs.

[Travelinglady]

I am glad to hear of your amazing progress! I think it's good to have some idea of what you want to be, but perhaps you can think of more manageable phases to getting there. A few steps at a time instead of a giant leap! Every day you can make a bit of progress, and you might not realize it at the time, but gradually you are heading toward your goal! So, keep on keeping on! You can do it!

[Aunt]

Congratulations on the progress you've made to be functional and 'mediocre' without meds. I believe the next step is setting up some kind of list of items you want to accomplish and then break them down in to smaller tasks after prioritizing which ones you will focus on first. It might be worth a try anyway. Best wishes!

[vans1974]

Hey, I agree with the others...Congrats and just keep going foward and the excitment will come naturally!