[matthew1976]

I have been diagnosed with bipolar, borderline and cod.
I pretended to be psychotic during a hospital stay but the doctor was on to me and called me out. I've told doctors that I hear voices and when my regular symptoms weren't present I would say that they were bad and exaggerated it. I've recently been diagnosed with dependant personality. I even faked heart pain, tingling and numbness and other things.

You may wonder why I did it well it was because I craved attention and noticed the sicker I was the more attention I received. I tried to let some of it out at my physciatrist office visit yesterday. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I told the doctor that I wished that I had aids or kidney failure so that I would get extra attention from the doctors. She then said in a baritone almost like I committed murder....you don't want aids or kidney failure you just want attention. I don't know why she got so mean I was only trying to be honest. I told her that I didn't think the cymbals was working (this was at the beginning of the session) and she meanly said .....well you have to give it a chance.its only been a month.

I really do have mentall illness and was so stupid to exxagerate to seek more attention but it felt great that i was being given all this extra attention.

I feel so bad and ashamed. I don't know what to do. Do you think my doctor hates me or sick of hearing me say that I'm always depressed or anxious. Please help and do not scrolled me. I know what I did was wrong. Thank you

[MotownJohnny]

It really isn't a doctor's place to be judgmental. I can understand needing and wanting kindness and attention, you just need to learn different, more appropriate ways to seek it. Hang in there, and stop feeling so bad about it, chalk it up to lesson learned.

[dumburn]

I don't think your doctor hates you, the behaviour maybe, but not you. When we are not entirely honest with drs, nurses, T's whoever, they cant help us properly. And if given incorrect information any treatment they attempt to provide could end up being harmfull not helpful.
That said I sometimes think I need to be just a little more like you. I tend to play down anything going on with me,because I dont want to bee seen as a nuisance and as a result I don't often get what I need.
Total honesty is the middle ground we both need to be aiming for albeit from opposite directions. I think the hardest part won't necessarily be telling the truth in the future but admiting that we haven't honest in the past

[reesecups]

I agree. Chalk it up as lesson learned.

[Ardose]

Usually, an experienced doctor will catch on when you are being deceptive. I don't think your psychiatrist was being judgmental as much as she want you to stop and think about what you are saying. She can't help you unless she knows the truth about what is bothering you. Your craving for attention is not necessarily that unusual. We all crave attention. It causes our brains to release endorphins and certain hormones that make us feel good. Physical touch ups it even more. You have just gotten too accustomed to getting your boost from attention and not other things in life. It's kind of like an addiction to pain killer. You psych is looking for the cause of the pain in your life. I hope she finds it. If you haven't tried it, a masseuse can do wonders at making you feel good. You get absolute attention and no judgement.

[(JD)]

Well, IDK about being bad or having to feel ashamed, you obviously felt the need to do that to survive those times eh? But you are healing now...we know this because you recognized your former pretending and have decided to find better ways of gaining attention?

If that is so, good for you! And do your best to be upfront when you need a hug here or someone to talk with, most of the time you will receive it! And don't feel bad if you catch yourself back in the old habit of adding to what you suffer with---just realize it as soon as you can, be open about it and try again.

Psychiatrists are human (I think at least that) so give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe SHE was having a bad day? Are you on Cymbalta, is that the medicine? Yeah, remember that those types of medicines to help mental illnesses can take a while to build up in your system. They begin to work immediately (it isn't like the medicine sits around talking to other pills saying, "there aren't enough of us to work yet" lol) and depending upon how much you need that medicine will depend upon how long it takes to reach what they call a "therapeutic dose."

Hang in there---or here as you can.

[DePressMe]

Matthew, you are okay. What you did was an expression of your "true" mental issues, so don't be too hard on yourself. Admitting it and examining it is a huge step towards healing--true healing. I don't think less of you or anything like that--you're struggling just like me and I hope you do well on your journey of wellness. If you feel you need attention, send me a message. (Lols, I can offer pointers on being psychotic, lols, just joking!) Take care....D.

[dillpickle1983]

Originally Posted by matthew1976

I have been diagnosed with bipolar, borderline and cod.
I pretended to be psychotic during a hospital stay but the doctor was on to me and called me out. I've told doctors that I hear voices and when my regular symptoms weren't present I would say that they were bad and exaggerated it. I've recently been diagnosed with dependant personality. I even faked heart pain, tingling and numbness and other things.

You may wonder why I did it well it was because I craved attention and noticed the sicker I was the more attention I received. I tried to let some of it out at my physciatrist office visit yesterday. I wasn't sure what I was doing. I told the doctor that I wished that I had aids or kidney failure so that I would get extra attention from the doctors. She then said in a baritone almost like I committed murder....you don't want aids or kidney failure you just want attention. I don't know why she got so mean I was only trying to be honest. I told her that I didn't think the cymbals was working (this was at the beginning of the session) and she meanly said .....well you have to give it a chance.its only been a month.

I really do have mentall illness and was so stupid to exxagerate to seek more attention but it felt great that i was being given all this extra attention.

I feel so bad and ashamed. I don't know what to do. Do you think my doctor hates me or sick of hearing me say that I'm always depressed or anxious. Please help and do not scrolled me. I know what I did was wrong. Thank you

You're not alone at all. Been there, done that. Still catch myself sometimes. Not happy about it, quite ashamed actually. But when I get sick, I become a liar like no tomorrow. I can admit it. I have faked physical and mental ailments to get attention, more when I was younger though. You're not alone, and I'm not sure if the lying is part of a personality flaw or part of a mental illness, for me anyways.

I wonder if the lying (which has been pathological since childhood) can be considered a mental illness in its self? I'm not sure how or if it is connected to Schizoaffective or not. I've told doctors, mainly hospital doctors that meds weren't working so I could get a stronger dose or a med change. I never was on anything good either like xanax or valium so not sure why I'd lie about symptoms. I guess I'm a horrible person. I don't know anymore.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

As horrible as it sounds, I can totally understand why you'd do it. So many times I've tripped down some stairs and caught myself, then regretted it and wished I'd fallen and broken something so someone would help me.
I guess I feel like they'd be able to see my pain and realise how bad it is and they'd be there for me, people can't see your emotional pain..not really.

[Perna]

I think the doctor was just pointing out the "truth", no one wants these horrible diseases, you just want attention. Wanting attention is not bad, everyone wants attention! How one goes about getting it is the problem.

[Gus1234U]

i think it was very brave to openly admit what you know is often treated as 'unacceptable' behavior. it doesn't mean you will completely stop, overnight... but at least you are make a change. being honest is often a good way to get good attention~!

another good way to get attention, is to give it. find the forum where you feel most comfortable, knowledgeable and able, and support newcomers and even oldtimers in there. it's so important to self-esteem to be successful and appreciated~

best wishes~
Gus