Not sure if I'm posting this under the right section . . . Yesterday I had a very productive session with my therapist. Aside from having bipolar disorder, I also suffer from a syndrome that manifests in physical pain: fibromyalgia. My T considers my current depressive episode to be biochemical and not situational. I agree. However, I don't get down on myself nearly as much with respect to my physical pain as I do about my current depressive episode.

My T, who is a CBT therapist, suggested I write down two important things: 1) don't judge myself anymore harshly concerning my mental illness than I would someone with a physical illness; and 2) [this is similar, or even just rephrasing] don't stigmatize myself because of having a mental illness!

Since yesterday, as I consider my feelings and behaviors (as they've changed during my depressive episode), I try to view them partly as how someone might behave if they were in physical pain (and thus not being so hard on myself, or considering myself a "freak"). For example, because of my depression, I found it hard to enjoy myself at my husband's office holiday party last week. I got really down on myself because I felt like everyone else was laughing and having a good time, and I was the freak having to force a smile and pretend I was enjoying myself. My T asked me if it would make sense that someone in physical pain would have a tough time enjoying themselves at a party. The obvious answer is "yes," and I would understand that perfectly. My T suggested I not judge my behavior stemming from my mental illness any more harshly.

So, basically, I'm trying to avoid doing what so much of society does to begin with: attaching a stigma to my mental illness. This way, I am kinder to myself and don't send tell myself so many negative messages. I have found it really helpful, and I think it's been improving my self-image somewhat

Does anyone else find themselves stigmatizing themselves because of their mental illness?

[Perna]

I think a lot of mental illness is "mental" so stigmatizing goes along with that because it is also mental. But if you look at what you were down on yourself for, it was not your behavior, you forcing smiles and trying not to make others "worry" about you but you were probably down on yourself for what you "should" have been feeling/doing? Everyone else was having a good time so you should have been having a good time instead of "faking" it?

If I catch myself being down on myself, I make the distinctions and re-align myself. With a physical illness, there is often the feeling that "there's nothing I can do" and a greater willingness to think our body is letting us down instead of ourselves where we don't have that luxury thought/feeling with a mental illness because it is mental and to a certain extent, we can always rearrange things, not to feel better but to think better.

When we learn to accept our bodies as part of "ourselves" instead of a separate entity, some of the "there's nothing I can do" goes out the window there too and one quits drinking/smoking/overeating, etc. as much or accepts some of the responsibility of not feeling well (or gets down on ourselves for those activities, too :-)

There's always "reasons", ways and means to get down on one's self but what does it accomplish? For me, it is sometimes helpful if I have been working hard and am sad and tired; a good little complaintathon, especially if I go to ridiculous/funny extremes ("why do I have to work so hard to give this fake smile when I should be able to just whip out a pen knife and slit my wrists right here on the dance floor?") puts things back in perspective for me and makes me feel better about my current abilities and choices.

[Webgoji]

Not because of my mental illness no. I stigmatize myself over many other things though; sexual issues, physical appearance, intelligence, personality. My mental illness is just a side thought for me when it comes to being hard on myself.

[gayleggg]

I do stimatize myself very harshly. My Bipolar has caused me to hurt many people and myself.

[MotownJohnny]

Oh, absolutely. I hate myself, with a burning white hot hatred. I never wanted to end up this way, it makes me feel fundamentally flawed. I feel utterly worthless, a waste of space, nothing to offer to humanity. I often feel like my "crime" of ending up in a partial hospital program merits capital punishment, that I should be taken out like a Chinese prisoner, bound and gagged, forced to kneel, and executed.

I'm not sure where that even comes from -- it is very illogical to me, because I have never felt any kind of particular negative viewpoints of the mentally ill as a group, or individually. Except perhaps for the fact that my father had serious mental health issues that went untreated for years, and which really screwed up my life and my family. I honestly don't know, I've puzzled and pondered this for over a year.

Now, one interesting thing about my journey through the land of mental health -- while I don't think I was a bigot, I certainly had stereotypes of the "mentally ill" -- for example, that they were incapable of functioning in society, that they had moral character flaws that left them the way they were, or that they were incapable of controlling themselves, that they could be "dangerous", that they came to unhappy ends, either locked away, homeless, or suicides. I was SO wrong about that -- I have met a lot of fellow sufferers along this journey who are wonderful people, productive, even happy in many ways, and whose morality and character are head and shoulders above many so called "normal" people.

Bottom line, though, I hate myself, and I honestly haven't found anything that makes me feel any better about myself. The thought of being labeled "mentally ill" in medical records, insurance records, and by people who know makes me want to off myself -- a circular firing squad, I guess.

[kirby777]

Yes. When I state someone has "issues", I ALWAYS qualify it by stating, "I know, I am mentally ill, go to therapy & take psych meds". However, I am compassionate towards people whom have mental illness, Unless someone walks in my shoes, they have no idea what I have gone through.

I also have a physical issue which is odd.

[-jimi-]

The problem is I feel useless because I cannot handle my physical illness well. In a way I can almost handle the mental stuff better, because I feel like no wonder I have a hard time if I'm depressed, I get angry with my anxiety even if I don't get mad at myself for being anxious and somehow because I had so much ridicule about my sleep disorder I have realized people are simply idiots when it comes to it and I'm right.

For me the physical stuff is harder. Am I really so tired I can't go do the laundry? Or go shop for food? Or am I just not working hard enough against the illness? I know the illness is real but am I really doing what I can or do I lazy around too much? I feel like I could push harder and I'm not doing it, but if I could why am I not doing it? And I get all confused and mad at myself.

My friend has a similar illness to me and she works full time and takes care of a child at times. A relative had a really bad illness with a worse treatment and he worked full time through all the treatment. I can't work and sometimes people have to run errands for me. It's stupid and I feel lazy. I might "stigmatize" myself but I really wonder why I handle my illness so poorly when others can live full lives while ill.

[The_little_didgee]

Psychiatry stigmatized me!!!!!!

[Catmom3]

Any time I tell anyone I have Tuberous Sclerosis, people go, "Ewwwww, is it CATCHING?" as if I have cooties.... it is NOT. Yet the fact is is something they do NOT understand, they tend to all react IN FEAR and not want me to be near them or touch them.

[Webgoji]

Hugs all around and an extra one for Motown

[Hellion]

I internalize stigma that I've run into...but I wouldn't say I am the source of the stigma I face. But one example is I am close to hopefully getting on SSI but sometimes I feel bad about that like that I'm worthless because I can't go get a job and have to rely on programs 'taxpayers' pay for. Not to mention I get it in my head that I should feel guilty if I spend any of the SSI money on recreation/activities I enjoy...but then again people who are unable to work due to their condition should have every right to spend some of their budget on things they enjoy....we shouldn't be expected to just sit in a room all day.

So yeah that stigma doesn't come from me, it comes from the attitude of many people in society towards people in my position or similar positions. But stigmatic ideas do get stuck in my brain which makes me feel bad about myself and I always heavily analyze thoughts I have even if its stuff I disagree with.

[arachnophobia.kid]

Thank you for sharing this, I like the perspective of mental and physical illness being on the same level. I am going to try to apply that. I think you've got a good therapist.

I'm struggling with self-stigma right now. I'm quite aware it's self-stigma and I know part of it is due to society's stigmatizing messages.

I just feel I have "a good life", and feel really guilty. I hold down a job with decent pay and good health benefits. I "just" have Social Anxiety Disorder, and when people pick up on my anxiety, I can sort of brush off the unwanted negative attention by saying "I'm just timid.".

I'm newly on my mental health journey, and when GP and PDoc gently broached the topic of meds, I flat out refused. I knew why they brought it up -- because the psychologist I saw for brief counseling said he felt I needed psychotherapy, specifically CBT and would benefit from medication -- but I feel incredibly ashamed.

I have a legit Dx from a psychiatrist, he's told me "You'd take meds for physical illness, why not mental illness?" and he pointed out I wouldn't shame someone for having the flu or shoulder pain or diabetes or depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, ptsd, dementia, but I still feel so ashamed.

[archipelago]

I used to be relatively open about mental health. I thought that people would understand. For some reason with PTSD since it is in a way caused by others and harm done to you, I thought that people would naturally be compassionate. Boy, was I wrong.

People are just plain afraid of mental illness. It doesn't matter what it is or how you are about it. They just have their own stuff around it and they do treat you differently. I learned that the hard way.

Now I hardly ever disclose. If I do, I put it in the past tense. The stigma is not coming from me, but I have internalized it to the extent that now I keep it more like a secret. This something I have learned to do, not something I want to do. It's not worth the risk to let that part be known when people don't understand and will make judgements. It's a shame because I view mental health issues like other health issues. My PTSD or depression is no different from diabetes or arthritis. Chronic conditions that need maintenance, affect quality of life to some extent, and create challenges sometimes that are quite difficult. You would think that people would be sensitive to the difficulties and struggles, but I believe that they have deep seated fears and can't see it that way. Even those who should know better and have enough education and information to be capable of understanding, just don't. At this point, I pretty much keep almost everything to myself and only talk to my therapist about my struggles. I wish it were different, but I'm not holding my breath. I've been really burned badly in the past and treated so badly that I'm not willing to share any more. It is not fair and a part of me is angry, but a bigger part of me just does not want to take chances because of the harm done before.

[ak482]

I would say I'm like a lot of other posters in that I allow myself to be overwhelmed by others stigmatization of my issue. In this case, the fact that I'm still a virgin male almost two months from my 32nd birthday makes me feel like a pathetic sorry excuse for a little boy. Where I do stigmatize myself is in the idea "have I earned the right to feel this way?" After all, why should I be wanting to not live because I haven't had sex when the wind chill where I live is -15 and I'm typing this rant from my cozy bedroom on my iPad.

[Fuzzybear]