[ozzie]

If you suggested a site about depression to someone with depression and they replied with, "I don't like to read about depression. I don't think it would help me with mine." What do you think would be the best reply to make to them?

I replied by saying I believed a lot of people do read about depression and mentioned this site. I also told them that it helps knowing you aren't alone in your struggles. This conversation took place on another forum, unrelated to mental health. I've been worrying about my reply ever since.

Oh I wouldn't worry Ozzie. Your reply sounds fine.

Knowledge is power, I believe.

It could be that the person's response was automatic and they might need some time to think it over?

[Wants2Fly]

I am certainly no expert on the "right" things to say and do, as you know Ozzie, but it seems to me that you had exactly the right answer -- comforting, accurate, nonjudgmental.

[January]

I think you answered perfectly.

Hugs,

Jan

[bipolar_bear]

I think your answered very well. Hopefully they will think it over and take your post to heart.

[(JD)]

Sounded good to me

[mlyn]

[LMo]

Well, I'm in that boat. Even though I am on this site on a daily basis, my husband (who is the depressed one) doesn't have any interest in participating in a depression support group. He does read about it in books, but only to get a certain set of facts, not for comfort or reassurance or anything like that.

Some people are like that. You did what you could, and it was a good deed to raise your friend's awareness without pushing. Good job Ozzie!

[Perna]

What worries you, Ozzie? Doesn't matter what I would say, actually, I might not have said anything further at all, would have just "abandoned" them, but you didn't. What worries you?

[Sarah116]

I would send them a video, there are plenty of online videos on Depression. Sounds fine, some just do not want to read pages about the topic they have or are looking up information on. Some people just don't like to read in general.

[sabby]

You gave that individual some good information and now it's up to them to either check it out or discard it. The old addage, you can lead a horse...etc etc etc.

You answered perfectly...no need to worry dear!

[kimmydawn]

I also think that a good reply and feel that knowledge about that which we're dealing with is the best tool for managing as well.

I hope you're doing good, susan? I also wish you a wonderful Christmas holiday.

KD

[SeptemberMorn]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with your reply, Susan!

What I do see is an individual either in denial or "double ignorance." They don't know anything and don't WANT to know. That's a sad state of affairs.

No worries, my friend. You did what you could. Now it's up to that person to either pick up the ball or just let it roll away.

[pooh_ac]

Ozzie,
Some ppl are not ready to admit irl that they are depressed. I think your answer shows caring without being pushy about their depression. I know that some ppl feel that going to depression sites makes them "worse" if I listend to my "hunny" I would not go to any site for support that I cannot get irl. I do tend to limit my time here and at other depression sites when he is home due to his opinion. But if it was not for PC and similar sites I would probally not be on this world
Huz to u

[Fuzzybear]

I think what you said was ok.

and I have a different way that I handle such situations. that don't leave me questioning whether or not I did the right thing -

Usually when a friend tells me they have a problem I ask them first if they would like some information that I have on that and if they answer yes I give it to them and if they say no or have other excuses and reasons such as they dont want to go into therapy, read information whatever. I either say ok Im here if you need me and let it drop or I ask them if they would like me to - tell - them about what I know instead of giving them things to read, if they would like me to go with them to a therapy agency or group and so on. and again if my friends say no I let it drop by telling them Im here if they need me.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}}}}}}}} With all the time you were Admin here... you STILL doubt your words? You ALWAYS had everyone's best interest at heart and 99.9% of the time you were right on! I won't say 100% because I remember you pissed me off ONE TIME!

I think your reply sounds fine.

Sometimes it can help to share our experiences. Do you have experience of depression? If so then you could have said something to 1) validate their concern e.g.,

I understand that sometimes it doesn't help to read about depression. Sometimes reading about it can be... Well... Depressing.

And then 2) to share your experience e.g.,

But I've personally found that it can be helpful to me to read about other people who have been through it and come out the other side. Sometimes they have helpful suggestions for me and sometimes it helps me to feel understood.

I think that internet boards can be something of a mixed blessing...

Sometimes they help (as when you get responses you can click with)
Sometimes they harm (as when you get responses that you really don't click with)

I've been reading some stuff on how internet boards are a mixed blessing... There has been a lot of stuff written on the effects of diagnosing / labelling people and how that can negatively affect their identity etc. I was reading this article on how removing diagnoses / labels can also negatively affect peoples identity too. They were saying that a consumer movement has risen up where there are people who don't want to get better (lose the label) and people are able to chat to people online who want to continue with their self harm or anorexia or who want to try and find doctors to amputate their healthy limbs or give them liposuction or whatever...

I tend to avoid dissociative forums / boards because I (personally) don't find it particularly helpful to get caught up in the current stereotype of the diagnosis. Ian Hacking has written this wonderful book called "Multiple Personality and the Sciences of Memory"

http://press.princeton.edu/titles/5673.html

Which helps me...

Of course denying ones symptoms doesn't help particularly... But being aware of how categorisation affects both how others relate to us and how we view our selves and subsequently behave helps me a great deal.

Aside from that... Just talking to people regardless of dx. Sometimes I find it more helpful to talk to people of different dx's even because we don't play on each others weaknesses...

[ozzie]

((((((((Tomi))))))))) I always worry about my words and always have. Sorry I made you mad that time.

Thanks everyone for your supportive posts. I guess I'll stop worrying about my words in this particular instance. It's good to get the validation here that I apparently needed. Thanks again.

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Isn't that what sisters do to each other sometimes?? Remember getting shoved onto the bed and tickled to death??

Stop worrying about your words! They are always gentle, kind and full of caring!

[weather]

Your answer sounded good to me also. You can lead a horse to water etc.