[Aspiring Lion]

When I am down and out, I need to give myself tough love and be hard on myself because it brings me to a level of more confidence.

The thing is if I approach my hardships as a soft person, then, I have an overall nervous disposition.

My inner rage has gotten me very far in my life. It has helped me with the following:

-I developed a work ethic that helped me jump from special education to Honors classes.
-It helped me fulfill whatever obligations I was committed to.
-I used it to get myself to open up to people; I got myself to be kind and friendly and it worked for me up until I moved to the small Alabama town I live in, where, people are skittish around my presence.

When I saw the psychiatrist in 2007 up to late-2013, all of the doctors within that time period were prescribing medications that supressed that same anger that helped me to persevere. (This is one of many reasons I have a strong distrust towards nearly all psychiatrists; yes, it is irrational, but, I don't want to be deprived of the life I choose to live; the psychiatrist I am currently seeing is a bit more considerate of what I want out of myself, and, he did set me straight; I worry about finding another one like him because doctors like him are scarce; I also worry about the time where I can no longer see him).

To summarise, my inner rage has helped me to achieve great things in life. Without it, I'm a huge underachiever.

Tell me, is there a more healthy way for me to let that same rage keep me going?

I don't want to end up with serious health issues later in my life.

[glok]

Hello, Aspiring Lion. I wish you well.

[Werewoman]

I have the same problem. My rage has been my friend for so long I am (finally ) learning to accept the things that created it in the first place. I'm afraid to let go of it because it has been such a huge part of making me who I am, and I rather like who I have become.

So far it has not in itself caused any health issues, but it does concern me. I think there's a happy medium somewhere but I'm still searching for it. The best I've been able to do is create an image in my mind to represent it, and then imagine myself destroying that image. It comes back sometimes, but it doesn't seem to have the power it once did and so far it has not diminished my determination to be successful.

Does this help you any? I think the hardest part of healing is finding balance between positive and negative aspects of our illness, regardless of what it is.

[Aspiring Lion]

I think you may have a point.

I should be more appropriate with it instead of always being driven by it.

Say, I need to get myself out of a hole deep, that's appropriate.

But, in general, I should be normal.

I guess once I reinforce the need to overcome with it, it will be second nature.

[Werewoman]

"I should be more appropriate with it instead of always being driven by it."

Exactly. Not a lot of things will truly set me off. Witnessing someone else being abused (physically, emotionally, etc.) will do it every time - I once cleared out an entire laundry mat because a woman was being verbally abusive to a 4 yr. old girl - and I truly feel for anyone who tries to say, rape or rob me because they will bear the brunt of every abusive experience I've ever had.