[Yogurtz]

Hello,

As I am now in a relationship and have some money, I have been looking at taking mixed martial arts classes and/or kickboxing classes, but I am worried if I am doing this for the right reasons or if my reasons are valid at all.

Generally my interests are writing, reading, photography, taking care of exotic spiders, computers, etc., hence fitness and what could be seen as aggressive activities are really not within my usual comfort zone.

Nevertheless I would like to be more active and be in better shape, whether through this or something else, but what stresses me out is I feel compelled to do this kind of thing; it might make my girlfriend find me more attractive, and it might make me more respected by male co-workers and, well, males in general. One of my friend's sons is a bodybuilder and he looks amazing, and I am frequently the target of unwanted and hostile behavior by male co-workers, much like I was in elementary and high school. (Contrary to what I was told as a teenager not many people do mature passed high school.)

But I don't know if I can afford these classes or if I will like these classes. Honestly, I would say that the desire for these classes is fueled more by a sense of inadequacy than by genuine interest.

Does anyone have some advice?

A question for women: do you find muscular, athletic men that much more attractive?

A question for men: how do you deal with predatory males and the feeling of inadequacy when compared to your male counterparts?

[IceCreamKid]

Do you think there is a sexual component in the behavior of these predatory males towards you? I ask because the only time I have been subject to what I would call predatory behavior it seemed to be sexually based.

[brainhi]

If you find something you like to do that involves physical fitness...great do it...but do it for you. It will never last if you do it for someone else.

[DSM-3.1415926]

Originally Posted by brainhi

If you find something you like to do that involves physical fitness...great do it...but do it for you. It will never last if you do it for someone else.

^^^^^^
This. As one who doesn't exercise, I know that if I ever do start, it will have to be something enjoyable that I do for my own health only. More on this below.

Originally Posted by Yogurtz

... what stresses me out is I feel compelled to do this kind of thing; it might make my girlfriend find me more attractive, and it might make me more respected by male co-workers and, well, males in general.

First off: When you say "girlfriend," are you speaking hypothetically or do you have an actual one at the moment? If the latter, has she shown any signs of dissatisfaction with your appearance? I'd say it's shallow of her if she does. Granted, modern life forces us all to put on "trade dress" sometimes, but it's the one who still loves you at 3:00 am when the trade dress is off that's the keeper.

Second: I'd forget about "in general." You can't be expected to be answerable to the entire gender.

Originally Posted by Yogurtz

... I am frequently the target of unwanted and hostile behavior by male co-workers ...

Perhaps you could expand on this in the Work and Careers forum? I don't know what "hostile work environment" laws exist in Canada, but this is what human-resources departments are for -- hostility keeps work from getting done, and a safe and civilized workplace should NOT be conditional on anyone's body shape.

Originally Posted by Yogurtz

A question for men: how do you deal with predatory males and the feeling of inadequacy when compared to your male counterparts?

First, I ignore them. Second, I reflect on the sad state of modern dating and courtship culture. Look at the terms associated with it -- "the hunt," "the prowl," "the game," "the predator," "the prey." What are we, proto-hominids on the African savannah dodging cheetahs and such? None of this bodes well for a loving long-term relationship. I firmly believe one of the prime reasons my wife and I are happily married is that we weren't either of us "on the prowl" when we met.

's to you.