[Carphobe]

Hi, I'm new here, and looking forward to getting to know you all! Here's my question .... I have social phobia, panic disorder, agoraphobia (the usual laundry list). I have gotten much better by the practice of taking my medication of choice (Xanax) and then MAKING myself get out and experience the world a little bit. At least now I can go to the grocery store without medication and without panic (or even thinking about it!) which is something I could not say two years ago.

BUT ... I have one phobia that I just cannot figure out how to lick. I am just terrified of riding in a car with anyone but my husband. Needless to say, this has really been a problem for me, and my husband is getting a bit tired of it all. (The man is a saint -- he has put up with 15 years of all this! but everyone has limits.) The thing is, I can't figure out how to find someone to go ride around with me. I know, that sounds easy, but ... we just moved to this area a year or so ago, and I am just now making some friends. I do NOT want to start out my friendship with them by saying gee, I have this little problem, could you come ride around with me while I sweat and have a panic attack and feel nauseated just because someone else is in the car? It'll just be tons of fun .....

I guess the person of choice would be a therapist, but from what I have read, and therapists I have talked to, they are in general really not insterested in real situational therapy like this. They mostly want to sit around in their offices and get big bucks, as far as I can tell. (Okay, I'm a little bitter about therapists!! Long story there.) Anyway ... anyone have any ideas on this?

Thanks!!

~ A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.... Emerson

[heatherm]

Hi there and welcome to the forums!

I went through the very same thing.....driving used to be my safe place and then it became my worst fear. What helped me is just taking short drives....post office...corner store...etc and then turn around and come back home. Have the distances become a bit longer each trip.

I was able to do it alone as I felt more comfortable....have you tried this? The feeling I got inside when I returned was awesome.....made me want to drive further each time. Take it all in baby steps and see how you do.

Know that you are not alone.....that in itself is such comfort. Think of all of us here sitting in the backseat cheering you on too .

Keep us posted and good luck!


Heather

[dexter]

Carphobe do you drive or do you not have a license and always are always a passenger?

I can see how your situation is difficult. How far have you moved? Any chance of a trusted friend coming to help you out?

Also maybe a good idea: can you find a support group for anxiety in your area? Being part of a support group may be a good thing for you in general, and additionally if you made friends there (which often happens) you wouldn't have to worry about the added stress of whether or not it is the "right time" to let them to tell them about your anxiety problem. If you developed some trust with some people there, or maybe even the facilitator, it might be a good bet that you could find someone to help you drive.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[darkeyes]

Okay this may sound a little outrageous, but is it possible you can start out with just a few minutes at a time and then increasing gradually?
Is there a mental health clinic that may have a bulletin board with adds or pamphlets that you can put a little add up that you are looking for someone that would be willing to do this a few times a month or even a week? Can you even check with Social Services? Maybe once you get more settled in your new area, and meet neighbors or make some friends (try to) you will be able to talk about the kind of car ride help you need.
As an alternative would taking a local bus to places around your town help, or maybe it isn't the same as being in the car.
Just some things I was tossing around in my head for suggestions. I do not know much about if there is a type of therapist just for phobias that can help you with this particular problem but check with a local mental health care provider for some suggestions or referrals.
BTW Welcome to our website, you are about to meet some wonderful people, make friends, or just chat, who are really helpful with their support and suggestions

Take care,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[(JD)]

Welcome to the site. Assuming you don't drive, or plan to, being a passenger requires more trust of someone else than being in control of the vehicle. You might think about your trust issues.

Also, I agree with the others about starting small, slowly. If you want to begin really small, you could meditate about it and think about it riding with someone else. Do this for a set time each day, and try to increase it on a schedule.

Finding pictures in magazines of ppl driving cars (ads?) and placing yourself in the picture could be a first step.... or take a picture of you sitting in the passenger seat without your husband as driver. (No one there... so you can "add" someone in your mind.)

How about a driving school? Sure they charge, but I doubt they would object to helping you out, since they would sure feel much safer than they normally do with a brand new DRIVER. LOL

Perhaps when you are someplace with your new friends or neighbors, you could ask to chat with them while sitting in their car? That way you won't be trapped in a moving vehicle, and can get out if you become overwhelmed.

These are all ways to begin desensitizing yourself to the phobia. Good wishes.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[Carphobe]

Thanks all!! Some very good ideas here ... I have printed out this thread to ponder offline. Some clarification: I can drive myself around town, though big-city driving (especially on big highways!) is frightening for me. (I'm also scared of big bridges, which is actually a problem for me now, since we live north of San Francisco and you can't get into the city from where we are without going over one of two very large bridges. Oh, well, one phobia at a time!) As for the driving with someone else, it is frightening for me to be either the driver or the passenger, though being the passenger is worse. It occurs to me, though, on thinking about it, that there are actually two different experiences for me ... when I am the driver, I think it is mostly social phobia -- I feel like the other person is judging me and that I am going to screw up royally as a driver, and either incur their wrath, or completely screw up driving and get us both killed. (I know, this is not very rational or likely, but that's the feeling I have.) When I am the passenger, I feel totally out of control and panicky. I feel that I am totally at the other person's mercy, and that even if they don't actually do something horrible to me, that they will really judge me and despise me because I'm such a ridiculous wimp. (Okay, written down these aren't very scary! LOL! But it's different in the car!) Trust issues? Who, me? Just some eensy-teensy ones, maybe ....

But I have had good luck with progressive desensitization before (while using my trusty friend Xanax) so I think I will try that route again. You folks have given me some good ideas on how to proceed with that! Thanks so much!

~ A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.... Emerson

[deepthinker]

Hi there!
Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I dont frequent these forums much anymore, but just caught your post. You are one fine individual and I believe already have all the 'tools' mentally and physcially you need. You can see the difference between rationality and irrationality and what steps you can take for both.

I also had the scary car thing happen to me. I'm fine when driving myself. I feel like the queen of the road and nothing can stop me (i feel for those around me, hehe). But i did have a problem with others driving me. Mainly due to the loss of 'control' within the situation. For me, there was no simple process and i'm not really into long processes (to edgie to sit on things for long, hehe) so i just put my head down and bum up and went from there.

It came to the realization that 'so what' if i felt bad. So what if i had a panic attack in front of a friend and asked them to pull over. Find someone you trust and ask them to go to the local shop or to post a letter with you. Its your choice whether to disclose the reason behind it. Either way, your on the right road (no pun intended) to becoming a confident driver.

Much luck and throwing some confidence in for good mixture.
xo

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves. C.G Jung

[darkeyes]

BTW I also hate doing bridges, either as a driver or passenger, but what I do is just keep my eyes fixed forward.
Sort of like wearing invisible blinders.
I do not think your fears are ridiculous, I have gotten use to all this stuff over time and now I drive so much I do not get upset, just in traffic jams or around aggressive drivers.
Being the driver I feel better, but when I am a passenger (especially the way my husband drives) I get uptight.
I think doing this gradually will be a big heelp to you

Lots of luck,

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON