high level info on when to disclose MI - feedback requested

I am posting to solicit feedback for my MH advocacy page on FB. This post is duplicated on the Relationships & Communications and on the Other Mental Health Discussion forums.

The link https://www.facebook.com/pages/Livin...70022196607489

The text is pasted below. It is FB, so I am trying to be as succinct as possible. Does this post address the issue on a high level, without getting into details? Thanks.

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A very common question on mental health forums is when and how to tell about your mental illness in the context of dating.

There is absolutely no rule of thumb here, but please remember that your mental illness is not something that you HAVE TO disclose - rather, it is your confidential, private medical information, and therefore, it should be handled in the same way confidential info is supposed to be handled, i.e. access to it should be given on a need-to-know basis. YOU would be the one determining if there is a need to know. If you are about to move in with the partner, it is one thing, but if you have only gone to see the movies together once, it is a different story.

Some people prefer to lay it all out right away. As long as it is done out of a PREFERENCE for being upfront and open, and not out of a misconceived notion of having an OBLIGATION to tell, that is a valid approach.

Please treat the fact of your mental illness as private health data and not as a dirty secret. The words "confess", "confession," "fess up" should not apply to mental illness as your diagnoses are not crimes or transgressions.

I'm sorry, I can't. It feels exactly like a crime, I felt like a criminal, the hospital program felt like a jail, the "medical care" afterwards felt like parole.

I wish I could feel the way you want, but I can't. It feels like a crime, a moral transgression, a breach of ethics and the social contract, and a moral failing.

Oh, how the prison-like environment can make you feel so is understandable. Strip-searching and no shoelace - even if it is supposedly for your benefit and safety, it is hard not to feel like an inmate.

But now that you are at home, do you still feel as you described?

Thank you - this is very helpful and probably the most helpful negative feedback on this post that there can be.

No, it's my hang-up. I wasn't even technically inpatient, it was a partial program, M-F 9-3:30 with an hour off for lunch, nothing locked, free to come and go within reason.

If the above had happened to me I would be dead today, strip-searched and restrained etc. I was degraded enough as it was. My motto now is death before dishonor.

But yes, two years later, I am still bitter, cynical, traumatized.

Please don't let my personal albatross dissuade you from your comment, it IS true, I just can't feel or accept it. I needed TlC and was treated like America's Most Wanted.

Wow, so it was a partial hospitalization that made you feel like America's Most Wanted... then sure, stay away from inpatient on locked units...

I mean this in ALL seriousness, I will NEVER be in that position, because if I were stupid enough to be in the position for ANYONE to know I was "danger to self" again, I hope to God I would not be stupid enough to be taken alive.

With all sincerity, I would even do "death by cop" if that is what it took.

But mostly, I BLAME the MHS. How ****ed up is a system that tells you you have a "disease" and then treats you like a criminal.

Yo, Medical-Legal system, when you start locking up the leukemia patients we'll talk. Until then, go **** yourselves.

There needs to be a total revolution in this entire MH treatment system. First of all, everything should be voluntary. If you can give informed consent to "any means necessary" to protect yourself from "self-harm" ahead of time, fine, it's your choice. I would have no problem with people who WANT to be locked up for their own safety being locked up. BUT, people who DON'T want that for whatever reason should ALSO be allowed the dignity of that option. Just like people with a terminal physical illness should be allowed the dignity of assisted suicide.

But our society can't see that.

Hamster-Bamster, I like your statement. It's concise, to the point and realistic. Good job. I don't date because I have my guy, and we have no secrets. But I'm going to ask a friend to read it, too. He worries a lot about when and how to disclose his MI in dating situations. He dates a lot. He's high functioning, but he has some obvious symptoms now and then that cause a few problems. I refer to the symptoms as eccentricities; he thinks of them as stigmatizing. He worries about the ethics of not disclosing. I think your statement covers that nicely. Thank you for sharing this.

((((MotownJohnny)))) I'm so sorry you had such a traumatizing experience in partial hospitalization. I hope you have some sort of support and social network just to keep you company during those normal times we all face when our moods may not be the best.

Most of my friends know there's "something" going on with me, but they don't know exactly what. Just something that gets better and worse from time to time. We don't talk about it except to check on each other, "You okay? Wanna do something fun or foolish?" We keep each other company and cheer each other up. They have "something" too and we don't talk about it unless they want to.

We all keep an eye out for normal stress to know when it's time to say, "Let's go to lunch." Just for a nice break if things get hectic. That heads off a lot of problems for us. We even listen to relaxation tapes and other self-improvement things together. No dx involved. Just, "Hey, you feeling stressed? Let's have a smoothie and some deep breathing." Uh, yes, we're kind of boring, but it keeps us healthy.

Hope you can find a few understanding and accepting people who maybe have a little something going on, too. Just to hang with and who you don't have to disclose anything to unless you want to and it will be okay.