[SeekerOfLife]

What is a healthy way to handle hard criticism? It always sends me into a bout of depression.

[Ripose]

At first I get defensive which is normal I guess, then I calm down and figure out if the criticism is warranted at all. If it is valid I ask if the critic knows how to change what I did wrong, if they give helpful advice I may very well change my behaviour. And last but by no means least I look at the source. Are they known for being critical about everything you do? Are they just plain bitter? Are they jealous? And of course don't forget some people are perfectionists and insist anything less is useless.

I hope you can find something of help from the above.

Have a great day!

[Frankbtl]

Hi seekersinking, I guess one way is to assess whether you can use it constructively, and that you can do with the person or in your own reflection. Are they justified in the criticism, and can you use it to improve your circumstances, your well being, where you want/need to be, how you feel about yourself.......anything like that.
And some criticism that might come your way might be in your "best interests" theoretically but it's completely up to you if you want to acknowledge it/take it or leave it e.g. someone might be advising you on being more sociable (and I'm not talking about you here- just an example!!!) but you might not want that, it might not be "you".
And nothing wrong at all in being true to yourself, in being who you are/in who you are. In fact that's so important!!!! So I'd hope you could put it to one side and the person could still value you, care about you for who you are.
And anyway, in that case I'd say there were probably much more important qualities you would have than "being social"!!!!
But there might be times when you've done something wrong..........then who on earth hasn't!!!........if you can learn from that great.........but if there's nothing to learn...............then just remind yourself NO-ONE is perfect!!!! We're/you're only human.
And you know, if you've got people who are constantly criticizing you, I'd say they've got much bigger problems than you have. Call it stress, call it negativity, call it their own insecurities/fears/feelings of powerlessness, call it whatever you want.........it is them who have the much bigger problem/s. And don't let them pull you down, you're/you can be stronger than that!!!
So.............maybe make them helpful, make them useful to you, and the rest.............well try to let it go/it has no place.

And btw, just remember for each criticism somewhere down the line there'll be a validation as well (and if you're running on low them, just drop into us, you know we/I value you........so if you need a reminder..........!!! )



Alison

[brainhi]

Depends on who it is coming from - like Ripose posted. If it is from someone who I respect and admire - it is very hard (I am also a ACoA) which makes it very difficult on my feelings. I have to really work at not becoming hurt or embarrased and it takes me awhile to get over it.

If it comes from someone that there is really no mutual respect - I usually say something back - invalidate what they are critisizing - or just ignore.

In general I do not take criticism well. I'd like to see what others say about it as well..

[lizardlady]

Seekersinking, like others have said it depends on who offers the criticism and how it's presented. It also depends on whether I asked the person for feedback on something.

If the criticism comes from someone who is negative and critical all the time I'm most likely to blow them off.

I don't think any of us like being told we are a moron who did something wrong. If the criticism is worded in a hurtful way I'm most likely to be hurt by what was said.

If I asked a person for feedback, I'd like to think they would offer it in a positve way. If they were negative or hurtful I'd probably not ask them for feedback again.

I'm with Ripose. I believe most of us don't like hearing about mistakes. It's up to us to decide if the information is useful and what to do with it.

Something no one has mentioned - I don't like unsolicited criticism. If I want the person's opinion I'll ask for it. My experience has been that most folks offering unsolicited criticism are butting in where they ought to butt out.

[AS6855]

I actually just had this discussion with my partners last week.
Say "You are right. What can we do about it?". It shows that you have heard the criticism and want to do something about it.

[AS6855]

^Though that is in terms of reacting in a relationship where the criticism is coming from love.

I get defensive but I like creative criticism because it helps me improve. I am quick to get angry if I am sure I have not done anything wrong though.
Work in progress.

[JadeAmethyst]

Criticism, a hard subject for me. It seems that "well meaning" means destructive instead of constructive. IRL though people are sure to offer it like it or not. I choose to consider the source and let it be.

Jade