what is a normal person ?

I had another meeting with my therapist yesterday, it was fairly heavy going but near the end I was asked to bring along to next weeks appointment what I though was a normal person ... well the head cranked into overdrive and I did not sleep AT ALL last night .... All I could think of was an answer to this question .... I hope you dont mind me posting my reply , its a bit highbrow and I cannot believe I have written this of the top of my head ( honest I did ) , but would like to ask some feedback as to what you think of my reply .... to me it makes sense , but does the what I am saying makes sense to you ? PS Dont be to hard if you can help it , Im an emotional borderliner , but happy to hear any thoughts or suggestions you may have ...or if you agree or disagree with what I have said:

What is a normal person

Completed 04/11/14 4am

(In my own words, without referral to the internet ….)

A normal person is very much like a building, i.e. it’s whatever you make or create it to be. However, like everything created, certain laws have to be adhered to, for it to sustain its very existence and purpose.
For example, it would be unwise to build a structure on soft or unstable ground, similarly people shouldn’t (but often do) build their lives on loose or soft emotional foundations which are often caused by their upbringing, events, or traumas that occur in life. To this effect, they have no choice but to continue to build, as to not to build is to not live. It could be considered that this one thought could be one of many reasons for many mental illnesses that have developed because of this very reason, but this requires much further research than my brief overview I write today.
The fragility of the human mental builds can therefore be that complex, that it could be comparable to the differences between every grain of sand on every beach in the world. In this respect there is no norm. However, as previously mentioned, certain laws still must apply for a person to function.
To take the example of a building and a person further, I am going to make the assumption that in my situation perhaps, ( and it is a perhaps) my foundations may not be as stable as another person so therefore my structure is more prone to weakness and cracking, and in some instances falls over completely now and again. Likewise, many other people experience the same issue, so I am not alone.

The question that needs to be asked is, “Do the majority of others have solid foundations”? As discussed the answer is no. Within the above examples there is “no norm” shown as there exists no firm evidence. At this point “normal” can only be a perception of another person at any given moment in time.

Structures and Normality

I have spoken of the variants of sand versus people difference’s and building foundations and emotional foundations that we all build at some stage in our lives . I would consider it feasible then that because of the variants discussed, and the existence of possible poor emotional foundations, building being evident people in general “conform or project “the perception of “normality” . This is not to say that there may be weaknesses or turmoil from within these people in general , but I think it is a fair percentage that follow a “normal “ expected routine of thinking and feeling events, that either they are able to control , ( or have the ability to control better than other people who are less able to do so )

Normality and Self

At this present time my structure may be weak and perhaps even damaged or broken. In this respect, I have now called in a structural engineer (therapist) to assess the actual cause and what can be done to eliminate further problems, if one or more exists. This may mean consideration of a complete rebuild, or underpinning of weak foundations and beliefs, or indeed replacement parts (thoughts) that are also weak or need replacing. It may be the situation that certain elements (emotions, feelings, reactions, etc.) may have even been missed at one stage of the development human emotion build for whatever reason.

Normality and Gravity

Having discussed structure, I now look at gravity in relation to the build of a person’s emotions, feelings, thoughts, genetic make-up etc. If one defies the laws of gravity then the item or person will fall, UNLESS there is adequate or additional support .This is common knowledge.
Its arguable then to suggest that if the permutations are indeed that different like the grains of sand example, and the assumption that many people may have built many lives on weak or unstable foundations , then “why isn’t everyone falling over “?

The only reasoning I can consider rational is that there must be some basic and fundamental existence of “normality” for people to function ( either controlled or suppressed uncontrolled) and this can be observed daily with people conforming to meet there own needs and those of society . For example many people go to work to pay the mortgage, buy food, clothes, etc. .They may not want to work, but follow their survival instinct to achieve such goals, despite the possible fragility of the build or foundation of that person from within.

To a certain extent, society relies on a good percentage of” normality” to exist, as if “normality” didn’t exist at all, then chaos would ensue. In some cases, we have often seen or experienced it either via the media or indeed personally, i.e. assaults, attacks, murders. Although we see or hear of these daily, as a whole, this is NOT the “norm” of everyday society and on an individual basis.

Conclusion

Whilst it cannot be truly said that “normal” exists for everyone, there are certain elements within certain people that do exist and therefore are accepted as “normal” behaviour at that moment in time. As time shifts , so can “normality”, and a person that may appear to be normal during the normal working day may develop weaknesses by the end of that day or when their projected persona is removed by the very person that wears it .
In an ideal world , “normal” I would suggest , would be to happy, content, joyous, light-hearted , stress free, feel love for one another , be vibrant, bright, no cares or worries , the list goes on . However in reality we all know many of these desires do not materialise hence the differences in all of us, as these parameters are variable, and shift with life events and pressures surrounding us.

Finally , no matter how the structure of a person has been built ( taking in the foundations that it’s been built on and its possible inherent weaknesses from within) “Normality” needs to exist in some form to enable that person(s) to still function even at a very basic level (or more in some circumstances ) therefore this predictability “normality”? is more readily accepted by those who follow similar traits (mirroring) Whilst we have discussed the assumed “normal “ people still have flaws , their ability to cope still reflects their ability to use or have the knowledge of coping mechanisms that they have either learnt, built into themselves , to reduce the risk of structural / emotional failure as highlighted earlier .
Paul

Completed 04/11/14 4am

Wow. That is excellent. I love the analogy and then how you tie the analogy into how it applies to people. I think your therapist will be very impressed. May we all build a solid foundation and fix the cracks. A solid foundation, even if it means starting over from under the ground, is crucial.

Just one part seems a little contradictory to me or I may disagree with-

If normal means having a decent solid foundation in order to function than I think the majority of people have that even though they all have cracks in it. The buildings all make look as different as the grains of sand but you kind of defined "normal" as the underlying foundation that allows people to function. Maybe I am misreading that though.

Do those laws define "normal" at least to a certain degree?

I think I want to steal it and give it to my therapist....lol.

I don't agree with your definition of normal. I think you defined healthy. As for normal this is more a philosophical and sociology question. Normal is what society deems normal to me.

I agree with 8thStreet....the answer was a bit over-rationalized, and ended up describing "health" more than "normal".

To borrow the language of statistics..."normal" would be the societal "median", while "abnormal" would be a large variance from the median. Of course it's difficult to ascribe mathematical values to behavioral issues on the individual level. So, it's difficult to measure if a person is at a 10 point variance or 15 points or whatever.

Nonetheless, IMHO it's a cleaner, simpler method to define "normal".

For example, everybody gets angry from time to time. That's normal. Some people get angry more often and react to it in a variety of physical ways. That's a "variance" to the norm. Sometimes an extreme reaction occurs often enough that "anger management" is needed. An even greater variance from the norm.

Normal is what is widespread in the society. In poor African countries, it's normal to die of starvation. In Czech Republic it is normal to drink and smoke and be angry at the world. But I will certainly not teach my potential kids to aim for that........

It's a good written post, but somehow I cannot really relate. Maybe because I was born in a place where the tanks in streets were "normal", it was normal there was only one kind of meat in the butcher shop and if you were not friends with the butcher, you got a low quality piece only. It was normal to have shortage of toilet paper or female hygiene products. It was normal your neighbors could rat on you to the Party. It was normal that your friendly colleage was a low level secret police....

...then there were people who were not normal, wore long hair, listened to rock songs in English language and wrote theater plays the "normals" did not understand and wrote pamphlet talking about "non-normal" things like freedom and human rights. One of them because a president. Got inaugurated in pants too short on him, wore sweaters and was friends with Mig Jagger. We gotten some normal presidents after him, in suits and not caring about the people, cold and calculated. And things are much sadder and bleaker under these guys.

I am just saying, sometimes one has to go against the society's definition of normal. Otherwise we'd still have slavery.

Glory to heroes!

HATEFREE CULTURE

I am normal BP1

>>I am just saying, sometimes one has to go against the society's definition of normal. Otherwise we'd still have slavery.<<

Slavery still exists, but I get your point and agree wholeheartedly.

His description may not meet statistical or sociological definitions of normal but it is a good description of what he thinks of as a normal person.

Its very difficult to measure the median happiness, or mental health, or anger in a society. It is largely left to peoples perceptions of what normal is as the OP described.

If you want to define it statistically then the OP is in the UK so....

Median income in UK 29,000
Average life expectancy in UK 81.5
World happiness scale 22 out of 150

World Happiness Report - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I would say when comparing yourself to the average UK citizen you would be comparing yourself to a pretty healthy productive person with lots of freedoms.

I have always liked Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Every time I go to therapy they ask me if my basic needs are met and if I am safe. Without that it is hard to make progress.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Oh I'm sorry I thought this thread was a discussion on normal. I shared my belief and opinion he doesnt have to agree.

Quovadisuk, I think you did a great job! It doesn't matter if other people agree or disagree. What matters is you really thought about the question and put excellent effort into answering what normal meant to you.

Your essay will provide plenty of material for you and your T to discuss. Over time, you may change some of your ideas of what normal means and you may begin to believe even more firmly in some of what you wrote.

I urge you to take it into your therapist just as it is, without any re-writing. That flowed right out of you and if you start re-writing (especially in response to criticism) it's likely you'll start to censor yourself. That's not going to help. It's great the way it is. Even if you and your T don't spend much time talking about it, the important thing is that you really used your brain and your heart to come up with that. You invested your energy. That sort of investment gives therapy a good foundation.

If it becomes normal for you to put this much thought and effort into the rest of your therapy, I predict you will make excellent progress. You expressed yourself well and with passion. Good job.

I wish you the best.

It has been said there is no Normal. I stand here to say there. is. In my local bar...
every night normal can be found. the stool closest to the tap is held and filled by Al,
and next to him is Norm.

Norm prefers stout, Al always drinks Budwiser.

Sandi

Maybe by normal it is meant a person who has no physical or mental illnesses, at any point in their lives. Maybe? If that is so, then a lot of people are not normal...

And quovadisuk, how wonderfully written.( I am such a scatterbrain, that I had to read it slowly several times, but that is what I have to do with any text that is more that three sentences long these days, lol!) You are amazing, and clearly have a talent for writing! Dont edit!!

The question is really, "Who is Norman?" Normal isn't real.

Am I normal? I'm bipolar 1 or schizoaffective , i have had periods of being off meds in which I acted inappropriately. If I were to describe myself. I would say I am very small. But I can be prideful and know it all. I can hate this person . I can become self-deprecating . I hate my Pride, self-pity, anger and hatred. Maybe its normal to be so intense about yourself. I hear myself screaming at my dress as a young girl. (it got muddy)...there would be no love that day. Any day i screwed up. I was punished. I think the girl i see in my mind screaming is me when i would fail. I have to work on not punishing myself now. Am I normal?

I have a question for ya.. My mother-in law is " normal"...no health problems or mental problems and she is 70! She is graceful in public and socially in general. HOw do i relate to that??

That does not seem normal.

Sometimes, normal.....is just the setting on a dryer.

But that doesn't answer the question at hand.