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#1
Jan 18, 2015, 02:45 AM
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My boyfriend has a hard time trusting anybody- I'm the only one he does trust. He acknowledges this and wants to find help and help himself, but he's only in high school and his parents don't believe he needs a therapist.
 What else can we do if he doesn't have access to a therapist? What can I do to help him? In his past, his parents lived in another country and left him and his brother with his Grandma, which made him feel very abandoned. His grandma verbally abused them, and eventually his brother grew issues of his own and shuns everyone. His parents are divorced and there's tension and lies between family members. He makes friends easily, but lost his best friends who now hate him for ridiculous reasons. He gives all those answers about, “I can never let my guard down.”...“If I open up I will only get hurt again.” He honestly feels there isn't anyone he can trust fully because of this life of being lied to and abandoned. This also lead to the paranoia of me leaving him, something that I wouldn't do even if I had to give my life for it. I have tried my best to comfort and ensure him with my love and support. But what things can I tell him that will actually help his problem? Thank you all so much for your answers.  |
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#2
Jan 18, 2015, 05:53 AM
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Welcome to PC.
I am afraid that in that situation it takes time and healing. The best thing you can do is not try to solve his problems but listen to him, validate him, mirror him, accept him as he is, and love him as he is. Those are all very powerful for healing. Also if you can find friends who know how to do the same thing. When someone tells you...."you should do this or you should do that" to fix your problems, they may be trying to be helpful but we take it as invalidating our problem. Healing comes from getting the sense that it is OK to be who we are even though we want to change.
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman Major Depressive Disorder Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun. Recovering Alcoholic and Addict Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide. Male, 50 Fetzima 80mg Lamictal 100mg Remeron 30mg for sleep Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back |
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#3
Jan 18, 2015, 06:01 AM
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Take care of yourself first. Talk with him, help him to see who he really is. You said he is in high school, and most have school counselors, which could be a good place to talk and arrange a family meeting. Its at least something.
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