[dearInTheHeadlights]

I make it a point to be as honest and sincere as I can about things, but I still keep going back and wondering if I was really doing something for the reason I believed at the time, or if in the back of my mind I had ulterior motives. I never intentionally act on ulterior motives, but I often wonder if I am just hiding them from myself to protect my own self-image. And if I'm actually a horrible, manipulative person who doesn't realize it. But sometimes I confess to having a bad motive or reason for something, really believing it, only to look back later and realize that I didn't give myself enough credit. That I was actually lying about having a bad reason when my true reason for doing something was pretty good and reasonable.
I'm just never certain about myself, and I don't believe myself about anything half of the time. Even when I'm telling the truth.

What's up with this? Anyone else have this problem?

[shezbut]

I think that it is a self-image issue. You find yourself jumping to incorrect conclusions about yourself, on the negative side. That is what it sounds like to me.

I do have extensive experience with this type of thing. I have always put myself down, never knowing how I truly felt inside. This tendency is a bit extreme in my case. Checking out Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central may be rather helpful to you. Check it out!

Welcome to PC too!

[eskielover]

It might be also that as a child you weren't taught what honest & sincere looked like from your parents if they weren't a good example of it, or if you didn't live around good examples of it from other family members & if it wasn't really talked about, you wouldn't have really had the chance to learn what it's really like to be honest & sincere.....thus questioning whether you are or not at this point in your life.

I grew up around parents who were socially awkward & a mother who had really low self-esteem. Even though I didn't have the problems they had, I was very unsure of myself in social situations even though I got involved because it was NORMAL for me, I always questioned how I acted & whether it was acceptable of not.....I learned from observing people around me & comparing myself.....that works as long as those around you are not dysfunctional & not giving you a good example....& with honesty & sincerity, it's a lot more difficult because it's not an outward behavior like actions are...it's inward thought processes that you can't always tell.

[SnakeCharmer]

I'd much rather be around people who questioned themselves and their motives on a regular basis than around people who thought everything they did was right and good and above reproach.

How are you at not beating yourself up? If you're really hard on yourself for normal human errors, that's probably more of a problem than examining your actions. I take an inventory of my actions every day and make corrections if necessary, trying to learn from it as I go along. As long as I'm not mean to myself for making blunders it's a helpful exercise.

I wish you the best and hope you're not too hard on yourself.

[dearInTheHeadlights]

Wow, thaks for the thoughtful responses.

shezbut: I think you're right, it's probably a self-image issue. I didn't think that I had self-esteem problems, until I browsed through that forum and could relate to almost everything in it. Thanks :-)

eskielover: My parents were/are kind of socially awkward, too. And I learned how to be shy and socially awkward from them. But that has been my nature, as well. But I wanted to be different, so tended to learn as much from others around me (good and bad) as I did from them.

SnakeCharmer: Well, thanks :-). You have a good point. I'm not horribly hard on myself for making little mistakes, but I can be for thinkng or behaving below my own moral standards for myself (which are probably too high anyway, unless i'm trying to be the first woman pope or something).

Maybe this also comes from not being or feeling believed much as a kid. I did have a very active imagination......