I really haven't been feeling right lately

I don't know how to describe it . ... Like last night I went into this state of like anger and futility all at the same time- I just roamed the streets of my city for hours and then walked home- I would've been home sooner if I had had enough money for the bus- but then as I was almost home I realized I could've taken a cab- and when I finally got home I realized I did in fact have enough money for the bus- It was like I was there, but not really- a fogged state of mind- yes I was sober, no substances were involved I had a similar feeling for the most part at work- like easily frustrated and just angry at everyone- towards the end of my shift things were starting to feel normal again- as I am usually a more upbeat and jovial person-I tend to handle stress well- but not today- perhaps residual from last night? I don't know. Though I was thinking of a question I got asked in a PM earlier about how I like to help others. Normally yes, very much so, but right now I feel indifferent towards others. Still that underlying anger and impersonalization (towards everyone) Really weird. like I'm here, but not at the same time. I told my bf earlier tonight I feel like I have a split personality. I wonder if this is related to my last pdoc saying I have shizoaffective disorder, because I swear this is like partial DID, if that's even a thing. I feel so weird right now (and have felt as much the past several days- like back and forth between feeling normal/myself, and like this . . .which I can't really describe too well I guess). . . .

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time. It sounds a little like disassociating. I'm not sure what could be causing it though. You might want to keep a journal about how you are feeling so that you can relate it to your doctor.

Best wishes, Gayle
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yeah, I think stress- been really stressed about finding a new job- feeling stuck- frustrated with my life in general- I was at the verge of tears yesterday and really feeling like I was losing my mind- all before I had to go to work- now- mind you, I don't usually drink soda (I know how bad it is- I usually drink coffee or caffeinated tea) but I had a couple cups of it at work as well as a pastry later on, and it seemed to help my mood. I was thinking maybe a severe caffeine withdrawal symptoms, but I don;t know, it's definitely more than that. I just got a call back from a job I interviewed on last week- I had called them the day before yesterday, just following up and they said they were still conducting interviews and that they would let me know when a decision was made. All this when I forced myself to get up and get back on the job hunt again, which I've been a bit sporadic about unfortunately, due to overwhelming periods of feeling apathetic and defeated . .but hopefully things will be looking up soon. Right now I'm still feeling bit lost . .. .