[Jihyo]

I really need this to get off my chest and maybe someone has some advice.

About my mental health history: I went through depression 5 years ago when I was 19 and I got prescribed antidepressants. I have been taking them ever since and thankfully, I don't experience the anxiety states and constant brooding since then.

Nowadays, there are phases where I am quite content and happy but I am completely devoid of any hope. I am finishing university at the moment. I am still living at home and I’ve never had a relationship. I only have a few friends, and neither my studies nor any hobbies really fulfill me. And since about a year, I have lost any hope that life might ever get better for me.

It can get quite bad, and I try not to think about suicide as I am aware how much it would hurt my family, but sometimes it is hard not to consider it. Every aspect of my life is just so strenuous and bleak for me and I don’t see how it could get better. And I failed at every attempt I undertook to make my life more joyful (joining recreational clubs, going out more etc.).

But, while my life isn’t really desirable, I am aware that I have it quite good in comparisons to others and I get angry at myself for being so sensitive and ungrateful.

Am I just wallowing in self-pity or is it possible, that there is something wrong with me? I would be thankful for any perspectives or advices.
(English is not my native language, but I hope you can understand what I am trying to say)

[IceCreamKid]

There is the possibility that your medication has stopped being effective. Please let your doctor know what you have written here.

I also think that you're in a stressful situation -- university just is, even if one is doing well -- and you may react with these symptoms out of apprehension over the future. Start by telling your doctor and please consider counseling. If you are already in counseling, make sure you are sharing this. It could be that much of what you are feeling will ease up when you graduate, even though you don't think so right now. Hang on.