[Secretum]

I used to be pretty smart. Not brilliant (though there were some people who thought I was, haha), but sharp. I could think on my feet, easily and creatively solve problems. My grades were excellent, and I did well on standardized tests with minimal studying.

That has all been changing. It started my senior year of high school; I suffered a terrible depression, and naturally, depression will lead to memory and concentration issues. These problems did not get better once the depression lifted, however.

I was stable at this lower level of cognitive functioning for years. It was difficult for me to accept that I was not as sharp as I had once been, but I was still bright. Then October happened.

I had a really bad mixed episode in October that lead to a hospitalization. The days before going to the hospital, the cognitive dysfunction was so bad that I could not even follow simple conversations. I could not concentrate in class at all, and I had no memory. I chalked it all up to psychosis (I was also hallucinating at this time), and I thought I was right about this because when I got better emotionally the cognitive symptoms got better as well.

But it didn't last. The cognitive issues came back, and now I live with daily challenges with my memory, concentration, and problem solving abilities. Sometimes, talking to people, I have a hard time knowing what to say because I can't remember if I already said it a minute ago. I forget events, people's names...I also can't focus to save my life. My mind feels slower overall, like I'm working with a rusty cognitive machine. The wheels still turn, but they creak.

I really want to find out what this is, and correct it if possible. I was hoping I was hypothyroid, because that would be easy to fix; I went to the doctor, however, and my TSH and T4 were both normal. Other thoughts are that I am having seizures (I had a seizure disorder as a child, so it is feasible), that I have a brain tumor, that my mental illness has progressed and caused all of this, or that the medications are to blame. I currently take risperdal, lamictal, zoloft, and xanax PRN. I really want off of risperdal, because I think that is definitely contributing, but given my history of psychosis my pdoc won't take me off of it.

Sometimes I worry that I am developing early onset dementia. I am very worried, because my intelligence was one of the few things I liked about myself. Now I've lost that.

Does anyone have any ideas what this might be? I know I should see a neurologist; it is just hard for me to get organized enough to make the appointment.

Also, if you deal with memory and concentration problems, how do you deal with it and fight it? I'm thinking about signing up for luminosity. I am already a member of a puzzle-solving site, so I could spend more time on that. I also could study Italian; I have a ton of books.

Thanks for listening!

[Ruftin]

Look up your medications. I'll bet it's one of those causing your memory deficit and inability to concentrate. Mine do the same to me. Something I've had to live with. It's a trade off. Have a good memory or feel better. Best wishes.