I'm struggling lately and it occurs to one of my issues. I'm going through a particularly difficult time right now. Probably one of the most stressful times I've been through since my last inpatient. But, its just not my nature to share that with people, even here.

So I find myself feeling particularly isolated and all my bad habits resurface in my head. I guess the good thing is I hear all of my therapy telling me not to do this and that...but it feels like just a reminder that I'm not ok. And at this particular time in my life, my MI seems like a real burden.

I feel like people keep telling me how I should feel right now. And everything they are saying sounds good, but its not how I feel. I feel fragile and scared and bullied. It'd be great to feel strong and empowered, but I don't.

I read somewhere you shouldn't wish to be anything other than what you are, but I can't help but wish I was what people keep telling me I should be. And I wonder if I ever will be!

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time seasiren. I understand waht you mean by it's not in your nature to share, I tend to keep certain things to myself.

It's a real challenge - when people tell you who they think you should be .... I think you're worth more than that .... Honestly? I think that you deserve to be who you want to be. Because you choose to be. If this makes sense.

I hope you find a sense of comfort soon

[soulfairy]

I'm personally learning to be comfortable in my own skin. Being myself has been so hard because of fear and rejection and I'm also very used of people telling what I should, how I should think, and how I should be living my life. Today, I am totally over caring what people want and expect from me- don't get me wrong I'm working on it and still tend to get very insecure with other expressions and opinions towards me. I hope you can find the beauty in your awkwardness because honestly we are all different and that is what makes us beautiful. I have to tell myself this everyday and everyday I fight to believe that in myself as well .

[Irine]

Your anger reveals it - you don`t feel empowered now, and maybe you really shouldn`t be. In stressful moments we feel weak. It is natural. I believe those people telling your to be powerful or positive have then too...If we feel empowered in stressful periods we can react in dangerous decisions, trying to control what we cannot...

When times are less stressful, or when you learn to manage it...you will feel more empowered and positive etc....but there is no need to be non human.....

[FedUp&Bored]

Originally Posted by seasiren2015

I'm struggling lately and it occurs to one of my issues. I'm going through a particularly difficult time right now. Probably one of the most stressful times I've been through since my last inpatient. But, its just not my nature to share that with people, even here.

So I find myself feeling particularly isolated and all my bad habits resurface in my head. I guess the good thing is I hear all of my therapy telling me not to do this and that...but it feels like just a reminder that I'm not ok. And at this particular time in my life, my MI seems like a real burden.

I feel like people keep telling me how I should feel right now. And everything they are saying sounds good, but its not how I feel. I feel fragile and scared and bullied. It'd be great to feel strong and empowered, but I don't.

I read somewhere you shouldn't wish to be anything other than what you are, but I can't help but wish I was what people keep telling me I should be. And I wonder if I ever will be!

The hardest thing in the world is getting rid of the "shoulds". You should do this, you shouldn't do that. I should do that, I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't feel this way, I should be that.....

That was one of the things I learned when quitting smoking; getting rid of the shoulds. And a lot of my guilt trips (and stress) went away. The way to start is to stop saying should. It works.