[inkblot]

There is so much that I need to do, and none of it anything I want to. I'm not as frustrated as before, but I'm still not happy. Now I've got more time to focus on the other things like the past with my neighbor, my living and financial situation, my neighbor, my kids and the therapist...have I mentioned my neighbor? Of course there's the work and insurance situation. And my health or medical issues. I don't trust the way my chest hurts sometimes because of my eating habits. The more times I go without eating, the more often it hurts. Then the more emotion I express, the same. I can't live without my computer, and it's barely making it right now. I'm considering life support for it, if I can find it. I've tried to do the regular maintenance stuff since I got it, but for a long time now it "forgot" how to defragment or do anything. I'm not sure how old it is, but maybe 7 or 8 years? Maybe more???? I got it already used, but it was free so worth the price. Now she's old, arthritic and has alzheimers to name a few. Getting a little ornery at times. I wouldn't mind trying a dose of compu-Prozac if they start making some. I mean, we protect our computers from viruses, right? Why can't we do something for old, depressed psychotic computers with dementia?

I've still got an idea or two about a pill or two I have in the car after eating those donuts and M&M's tonight, but I don't think anything will happen. I think my body is already taking care of that for me after all this time of not eating and suddenly I start up, and with all high-sugar/fat foods to boot. My stomach's cramping from the shock to my system. I'd love to get my cholesterol rechecked sometime soon. See if it's gone up any more from a year ago.

Wish me luck that I don't think too much over night since I probably won't be online or using my computer. Thinking can be dangerous for me. I can get too focused on the negative. It's good to get feelings out, but not like this. I can hear my neighbor move around in his apartment next to mine, so I usually have enough reminders of him. Everything is timed at the same time which makes it that much worse because then everything acts as a reminder to that one night. He often times parks his truck in the street overnight, and according to the town law he should be ticketed. He's never been ticketed parking in the street over night--I look out my window to see his windshield every morning and I've never seen a ticket. I'm tempted to call the police or mention to one driving by that hey, why don't they ticket someone for breaking the law? I live in a town known widely for their speed trap--their main source of revenue, I think! Still, I'd love to see this guy get busted for something at least.

I s'pose that's enough rambling for now. It's almost time to leave. I still have laundry to do. I've been putting that off for way too long. I'm not even sure that the laundromat will still be open long enough for me to do a load tonight. Well, see yall later.

Ink - I know your insurance has run out. Is it possible for you to see someone at your county mental health clinic? They usually see people on a sliding scale, very cheap if you're broke. Have you tried looking into that? Or try your local National Mental Health Assoc. Office?

http://www.nmha.org/affiliates/directory/index.cfm

Maybe they can refer you somewhere else with a sliding scale which slides down really really low. If you tell them about the issue about your children, that would give you some priority for services.

Thinking on you girl!

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

[mj14]

ink, I don't have any words of wisdom, but just wanted to send you some hugs.

*hugs and hugs and hugs*

mj

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Inkblot}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wow, you have lots of things going on. Talk to us as much as you need to. We may not have solutions to offer (beyond what you already know yourself), but getting it out can help. We'll keep our listening ears on.

Wendy


<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>