[veronica_j]

Hello folks My name is Veronica and I thought this would be a good place to come to do a little venting, and maybe get some helpful advice as well. I turned 38 a week ago, and I'm just feeling a little unfulfilled in my life. I don't want to sound like a whiner, and I know I should be grateful for what I do have, but I just feel like my life should be so much more than what it is. You do a self inventory, and feel like something of a loser because you're 38 and unattached, and not sure where your life is headed. Its not that I feel compelled to get married and have children, but I just feel a little empty and directionless.

In any case, I really need to get myself back on track, as I seem to operating on a short fuse lately. I went out a few nights ago for happy hour with my girlfriends. I thought a girls' night out might be a be good way to get my mind off things. Well, I end up getting hit on by a 50 something, overweight guy with a goatee. Shortly after he introduces himself, he tells me that I have a lovely figure, then proceeds to guess my weight, height, and measurements (including bra size!). I was at a loss for words, but then he annoys me further by asking how old I was. I was completely outraged at this point. I told him that my vital stats were none of his concern, and that if he's in the habit of treating women as nothing more than physical objects then he should take his chauvinistic attitude elsewhere. Then I slapped his face. He was taken aback by my reaction, rubbing his cheek and walking back sheepishly to the table where his buddies were.

Initially, my friends were shocked, since I'm normally very reserved, and in the past would have just found an excuse to avoid talking to the guy (and brooded over what I should have said/done days later). But then they broke the silence with a round of laughter, and some "you go girl" high fives. They also told me that I seem a little on edge these days, and either need some counseling or some valium ;-) I think they're probably right. I thought you might have some good techniques in mind to help me find an inner peace.

Veronica

[sabby]

Hi veronica_j and welcome to PC!

I'm not so sure I wouldn't have done the same thing to the guy that you did...LOL. Hopefully he'll think twice the next time he approaches another woman. It might have been a little over the edge, but ya know...sometimes these guys need a wake up call.

I can relate to the feeling of unfullfillment in your life right now. It happened to me around the age of 39-40. I wasn't sure where I should be going or what I should be doing either. I knew something was missing. I sat down one afternoon and gave some good long thought to how I wanted to change my life.

Now, I'm not saying this is where you should go, but I know it did wonders for me. I decided that I wanted to give to the community, donate my time, volunteer at something really worthwhile. I felt that if I did that, then it would fill my heart and soul where there seemed to be some big gaping holes.

My next step was to figure out where I wanted to volunteer my time. I did some research on the many programs available in my area. I called them and spoke with folks about what kind of volunteers they needed. I asked how many hours would be required or asked for.

After getting the information I sat down and made pros/cons list for each volunteer position. The one I came up with was working as a CASA/GAL. I wanted to help a child who had been abused or neglected. It was the most eye opening experience I've ever had. I was enthralled with the training and the processes and what I would be doing for a child. It was quite involved but oh so worthwile. I completely loved my new volunteer position!

By getting involved in the volunteering, I was able to network and meet new people and learn new things. I learned more about myself and what direction in my life I wanted to take. It was a wonderful experience in so many different ways.

My point after this long message is this. After taking inventory of our lives, we must pick something that we think will bring us into a new level of life...love....giving and receiving...not to forget learning!

I wish you well on your journey and hope you find what you are looking for soon!

Best wishes to you.

Hugssssss
J

[DePressMe]

Okay, I know I am not suppose to condone violence…but, dang I wish I could have been there to see the look on that guys face! I hate that society tells us we have to be good little girls and tolerate men’s crap. Makes me think of that movie Thelma and Louise. It seems like I can never say anything witty and I have never had the nerve to slap a guy. I did one time throw a container of popcorn at a guy in a bar because he would not leave me alone.

I’m 36 and no kids. Lately, I have been taking a look around and wondering just what I am “suppose” to be doing. That motivated me to finally enroll for my last quarter of grad school. I set a few career goals and started painting more. Overall, I have not come up with any big answers. I have been trying to stay content with the little things in life. One thing I did think about is that I would like to eventually be confident and happy with myself—content with whatever I have at the moment.

[DePressMe]

Okay I lied, I did hit a guy because he did something way inappropriate to my girlfriend. I forgot about that…I don’t regret it—he deserved it. What made him think he could stick his tongue in her ear and get by with it? If I had it to do all over again, I’d just hit him harder.

[heyjoe]

Not to rain on your parade but someday you may get locked up for hitting someone under those circumstances.

[Wants2Fly]

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heyjoe said:
Not to rain on your parade but someday you may get locked up for hitting someone under those circumstances.

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I'm sorry that you are feeling so down, Veronica. Perhaps you should talk with someone about it to determine if medication would help.

I agree that putting the guy in his place was appropriate, Veronica, but physical aggression crosses the line. He did not touch you inappropriately. As well, I sense some ageism here. 50-ish is what -- 10 years older than you are? Not exactly a huge chasm.

Best wishes, Veronica, for finding what you need to make your life fulfilling.

[Perna]

It's still hard to find "nice" guys in bars. I guess I would have been rather rude to the guy but wouldn't have felt the need to hit him.

Have you thought of changing jobs or taking up a hobby where guys are or anything? I didn't get married until I was a month shy of 40, met my husband at work when I was 35.

It is often hard for me to stay "motivated" and when my friends moved away that would always trigger a hard time. Have you had any negative things happen lately to cause your current round of disillusionment? Any friends promoted, move, etc.?

I got remotived reading a couple Barbar Sher books http://www.barbarasher.com/ especially Wishcraft and It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now.