[OneInBillions]

Hey everyone. Not sure where this would go so I'll just put it here... Sorry if this is the wrong place.

I feel that I never developed properly emotionally, mentally or socially. I was diagnosed with a possible autism spectrum disorder so that might explain some of it, but mostly I think it was growing up in a really strict, controlling culture with overprotective parents.

My problem is that I now feel like a 12-year-old stuck in a 30-year-old body. I may look and sound middle-aged, but I feel and think like a teen. I've pretty much isolated myself for over a decade so I have no friends and have a really hard time approaching anyone because of severe social anxiety. I still live with my parents -- they need my help, but they still treat me like a child and use childish language with me, which bothers me sometimes.

So my question is, how does one "make up" for decades of stunted growth? How can I possibly approach anyone my age on equal footing? Is there some way to "teach myself" everything I missed growing up?

You aren't middle aged! 30 is young! I'm 48, that's middle age. Don't sell yourself short.
Have you tried therapy?

[Fuzzybear]

I was also wondering if you've tried therapy
(I agree 30 isn't middle aged :-o )

[OneInBillions]

Okay well I guess I just am a lot older than I feel, at least

And yeah I've tried therapy, it didn't do much for me. I guess my depression and anxiety are treatment-resistant or something. And I couldn't keep it up because it costs so damn much... I had to stop after a year.

[IceCreamKid]

Lack of success with only one therapist does not equate to 'treatment resistant'. I suggest you get back into therapy and with the goal of addressing your social anxiety and feelings of being behind developmentally. Explain to the new therapist what happened (or didn't happen) with your previous therapist. There are therapists who work on a sliding scale but cost shouldn't be your own guide in choosing one. You are not in competition with others regarding growing up; and yes, there are books that help one with social functioning.

[OneInBillions]

I've technically seen 2 "counselors" and 2 "therapists." My first therapist worked with me with CBT for about a year and then finally said it wasn't working and referred me to someone else... even though we never did any of the activities he mentioned in our initial meeting like having a stranger come to the therapy session and have me try to talk to them, doing mock interviews, or doing group therapy. And about a month or two after I started seeing the second therapist I had to stop because my dad lost his job and it was too expensive.

I would love to get back into therapy; the problem is that I can't afford $120 every week, especially because I'm unemployed. I mean I think my parents could afford it but they don't think it's effective so they don't want to "waste their money."

What I need is to find a secular therapist who can address unresolved issues with religion and faith. Problem is I live in a very faithful state, so I'd have to drive ~25 miles just to find a therapist who may or may not work out.

[IceCreamKid]

Your parents can afford to keep you at home for 10 years but not therapy? I think you're going to have to look on your own for your own help. It might take some digging, but it is out there.