If a girl is harassed by a stranger ...

If a girl is harassed by a strange man (or group of men) on the street, and his name or address is unknown, what could she and others do? In my country this happens to many girls, but the girls seem helpless regarding this, and if someone tries to help a girl being harassed he will be beaten up and might be killed, since harassment happens in groups of impolite street men. Police do not care very much about harassment and there is no official procedure for it and there is no official political decision to address this problem. Above that, the girls are always blamed by society for not being conservative. Thus most of them stick with their homes. They just go to colleges and work places. But they don't have the freedom to go out without being bothered, even if they go out with their families and brothers they will be harassed by the animal looks.

Men who harass women are weak men and totally ignorant.
It should not be accepted in any culture.

I totally agree. But unfortunately, in my culture any harassment is done, the harassed girls will be blamed for it. Like "you shouldn't have gone alone" or you "should have dressed more conservatively" and the like. I would imagine how the life is for those girls. But I think sexual harassment to girls happen all over the world with different frequency and severity. What is the best ways (plural, since the police may not be a good option) to react to such low level behavior with the minimal damage possible?

Blaming the woman for the fact that she has been harassed is very sad.
It seems like an easy way for men not to have to answer for their very
ignorant and sad behavior.

I was thinking that girls may be should learn from early age some self defense (like karate) moves to be able to defend themselves immediately, when something happens.

I agree with Le.Monsieur. All women should be taught self defense classes or at the very least be encouraged to carry non lethal weapons with them such as pepper spray or stun guns and if they are harassed by guys, they should attack the guys and show no mercy.

One shouldn't have to rely on an incompetent legal system when it comes to their own safety and well being.

Sometimes, might makes right.

Self-defense knowledge is great, but I don't know how useful it would be in the situation you're talking about.

I think I know what country you're writing about, if it's the one that has frequent news stories about women being attacked.

It's a societal problem. I can see why the girls stay at home, if losing your life is a real possibility if you go out.

I can't think of any easy solution to this problem. Until your society starts to condemn the behavior of those harassing men, or they start to be prosecuted by the law, it's hard to see anything changing.

Le.Monsieur.S,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. That sounds like a terrible way to live, and it honestly horrifies me that your police and government care so little for the safety of women. I'm really, really sorry, and I wish there were a good, easy answer.

I'm not really sure what to tell you. I agree with Jo Thorne that self-defense might not be a huge help. It sounds like you're talking about gangs of men, not just one man, and even with a weapon, I think you'd be outnumbered?

Are you in a rural area of your country, or a bigger city? Would moving matter? (i.e. are there parts of the country where this is less of an issue?)

Do women in your country have any voice in government at all? Is there any civil action (that would be safe and not result in more violence against you) that could be organized?

I hate to say this, and I don't know if it's even feasible, but if it's at all possible, can you get an education and find a way to leave? There are issues with violence against women everywhere, sure, but there are also places where it's not uncommon or considered particularly risky to go out alone. I am a female living alone, and while I do have a car, I do all of my errands alone and walk alone for exercise, sometimes late in the evening (after dark) and usually feel very safe. I do take safety precautions depending on the area that I'm in, and there's always a chance of criminal activity, but it's not nearly as widespread as what you're describing. Honestly, nobody should have to live like you describe. My heart breaks for you and the women of your country

Edit to add: regarding self-defense, despite the fact that it might not help, I still think it might be useful to know some basic self-defense or have something like pepper spray. It's better to have it, even if you're never in a position where you need it, then to be stuck in a bad place one day and *wish* you had it.

I doubt it is the country you think it is. Girls won't be killed simply by going out, but will be harassed and bothered by men and their looks. It is difficult to say for sure because if it happened probably it won't be filed, but the raping rate is very low. It is mostly verbal harassment and staring harassment. But still this is scary enough for most girls I guess to prefer to stay at home most of the time. But if someone tries to intervene, this will trigger a fight as those men have no sense of shame of what they are doing, and will take the intervention by someone as something violating their rights or way of life.

Leaving the place or the country is not a solution for most of the girls. We need some social reforms, but as everyone knows it is not an easy task to do. I think girls are afraid to report harassment because they don't want to "stain" their reputations in a society that blames them on men's mistakes or don't know how to do it to a police station to intervene. For example, in US if someone strange harasses a girl and she doesn't know him or where he lives, how can she report him to the police?

There's always another option: get a spy camera such as a watch or necklace with a hidden camera on it (they're much cheaper than you may think) and keep it on record mode when you're out at night. If a guy harasses you, use it to compile evidence against them to use later.

Plus, in most countries, it's perfectly legal to record in a public place so you shouldn't get in trouble for it.

This is why i used to think only women should have guns. I used to get harassed like this a lot. I stay inside more now, am older and fatter, but i still worry. At least now i have a cellphone with gps in case a crazy person carries me off. If he can lift me!

That depends on what you mean by harrassment. If they're threatening her, then yes, you can report that to the police. If they're just cat-calling, the police don't care about that.

It is the latter mostly, to less extent physical touching. Really? This is not sexual harassment in the broader sense of the word?

I'm sorry, I realize that leaving isn't realistic for most people. I was thinking specifically to help *you*. But, if you want to stay and try to bring about change - I think that's very noble and a worthy cause. But it's a huge thing. Social change is huge, and honestly, I don't know how these things gets done. Definitely a worthwhile goal though.

I like the idea that was posted about having a small spy camera to record interactions. Is there any media (newspapers, TV news shows, etc.) that might be sympathetic and support your cause? Footage from a spy camera could be useful for a news story, which might help you begin to win more support?

I think you're right... even in the US, if someone was just watching me, and I didn't know who they were, I probably wouldn't report it to the police. Women do get "cat calls" (men calling things out to them) and these are usually not reported as well. There's just not much that can be done, especially if you have no idea who the person was. I had some teen boys call out some really cruel things to me one day when I was out walking, they were driving by in a car. I couldn't identify them, and didn't get a license plate number. There was no point in calling the police (plus honestly, just calling out mean things is usually not, as far as I know, considered criminal).

It's a very hard problem. It sounds like there needs to be a culture change, people need to believe that that kind of behavior is not appropriate and won't be tolerated. But, I have no idea how to make changes like that happen.

It seems like a good sign that sometimes other people step in to protect the women in your country, but very bad that it then escalates to violence. Maybe if more people could step up, together, they'd have a better chance of stopping the behavior without being attacked?

I wish there was more advice I could offer!

Rules about sexual harrassment are meant to protect people in the workplace from having people with power over them take sexual advantage of them. If a man is just shouting out at a woman on the street, he doesn't have any power over her, and he isn't coercing her, just annoying her.

If he's touching her or threatening her, that could be a crime, depending on local laws. Just saying "Yo, baby, get in my car!" or whatever is just rude, not criminal.

Thanks. I am not a girl, just to let you know. I sympathize with them, though.

in my high school we were taught self defence. i am sad to say i had to use it a few times, mostly when i was homeless for a few months. these guys come out of the woodwork. be careful!!!!

I used to have insomnia and walked around the city lat at night by myself. Someone asked me what I carried for protection and I said, "Running shoes!"

But that was in a pretty safe area. Downtown, things start getting crazy after 1:30. Guys appear on the street who look like they're looking for a target, and cab drivers start refusing to pick you up. My main defense actually is just walking like I'm going somewhere and looking at people like I'm going to bite them. It wouldn't deter someone who really set his sites on me, but makes them look for easier targets.