Mental Struggles

So, hello everyone. I've been gone from here for literally ages (funny how time just vanishes). I have been having some weird symptoms lately ( Since I was last here I was told by a psychiatrist that I have ptsd, codependency and OCD.. I asked her about Borderline , she said she didn't like the word and I wasn't "angry" and projecting on her enough to be bpd). My thing is this: I have such a variety of symptoms and wonder if they could be related to something else entirely (second opinions never hurt, right?). My big ones are not feeling "real" - ie I forget I am a real person, let alone a real female. I often feel more like a presence that kind of floats through life and sometimes when I get reminded I am real I panic a bit. I often feel like my actions and words are not my own and I'm watching myself from afar; I also used to lose days, weeks, months and suddenly snap out of it to realize months had gone by and have no recollection of them. So there's that symptom. Then there are the fears of being abandoned of unwanted so badly that I curl up in a ball and cry. I always feel like nobody in my life loves me like I love them (friendship wise, romance wise, family wise). My mother used to make fun of me for crying , literally . She would say things like "aww what's wrong? Gonna go cwy about it? You baby" in condescending manner. It made me feel like having any emotion but neutrality is wrong and I still do have this issue today. I cry in front of my fiancé but that doesn't count to me because usually he hurts me until I can't hold it in.. Otherwise I just hide how I feel under my perfectly blank mask. I perfected it, really. And then there are the horrific obsessive thoughts.. I hate OCD. It's not pleasant. And my OCD leads to compulsions to soothe the thoughts (example : I freak out about the fact that one day I will die, I jump up and have a panic attack until I find a way to soothe myself; fun fact my fear of death started after I would wake up as a kid with my airways blocked from my too big tonsils.. And my mom would get angry at me for "scaring her") I have been through a lot in life and almost dying a few times and people trying to force me to do things with them are not helping. Ok long paragraph of info people may not even read over and now the question is : does anyone else have any of these symptoms? Are they truly just OCD , ptsd, codependency?? Especially the phasing in and out part I am interested to hear from you all on..

Stop right there. You're MARRYING this person?